A Road Trip and ......A Plunger

I tormented my now 14-year old handsome young son last night by threatening to publish this piece again. It first appeared on a humor site in 2004. Can't wait to show him today that yes, Mom did it again!! Being a writer allows such sweet revenge!

We'd packed the suitcases. We had a cooler filled with bottled water and a bag full of snacks. I had my cell phone. We even had a portable VCR on which the kids could enjoy movies to pass the long hours on the road ahead. Elizabeth brought her "kitty cover"-a quilt made years ago by her great-grandmother. Jonathan brought Bob. Bob is a plunger. This is the tale of Bob's first vacation.

You're probably thinking, "What kind of a nut would let her child bring a plunger on vacation?" I understand that train of thought. Rest assured, Bob is clean. He has never graced the confines of a toilet bowl or garbage laden kitchen sink. Bob is a pure plunger-pure in body and pure in soul.

Bob came from the dollar store. He was chosen over a variety of bouncing balls and marbles, puzzle books and army men. Bob was Jonathan's first and only choice.

"Sit, Bob," he said when first bringing him into our kitchen.

Great. Our kid was talking to a plunger.

Deciding that Jonathan was simply experiencing a bout of intense creativity, we went along with the "Bob the Plunger" ruse. We inquired about his well-being. We laughed when Bob was included in games. And we watched Bob sitting poolside while Jonathan went swimming.

Bob, however, had a very distinct odor. Cheap rubber. He smelled. His odor permeated Jonathan's bedroom and even started down the hall. One day while cleaning Jonathan's room, we carefully wrapped Bob in a plastic grocery bag. It contained the smell.

Upon arriving home from school, Jonathan discovered Bob's peril.

"Save Bob!" he screamed, frantically tearing at the plastic bag.

"Who did this to Bob?" he asked.

I confessed. Bob was freed from his plastic shroud and once again filtered into normal family life. So normal, in fact, that during the following summer, Bob joined us on vacation. Bob was about to embark on a road trip.

We decided t play it up. We stopped at a rest stop in each state we passed, piled out of the car and took a picture of Jonathan and Bob. Bob stayed in our hotel rooms. That was Bob's favorite part of the trip. Sleeping in hotel beds with fluffy pillows, Bob developed a taste for hotel shampoo and shower caps. In fact we photographed him wearing the shower cap while devouring a bag of chips from the hotel vending machine. Yes, we must feed our plungers, too!

By the second or third night, however, Jonathan began to grow a bit self-conscious and started covertly sneaking Bob into our room through a combination of dissection and concealment. His pole rode inside under Jonathan's armpit and his body was suctioned onto Jonathan's belly. This proved especially difficult when check-in took more than a very few minutes. Bob's power of suction would fail and Jonathan would be forced to hang on manually.

Bob also became the source of fascinating car games. Have you ever made fart noises on your stomach or thigh with a plunger? Have you ever noticed the perplexed looks of passersby when looking down into our car from their vantage view in a mini-van? (That was almost as much fun!)

Bob returned unscathed from our ten day trip. He enjoyed his first night home in Jonathan's room on a familiar pillow surrounded by Jonathan's stuffed pig collection. Soon summer ended and Jonathan started 4^th grade. And guess what? Bob became educational. That infamous back-to-school essay on "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" featured Jonathan's travels with Bob. Maybe the teacher thought he was making it all up. She probably thought him clever for his characterization of inanimate objects. Jonathan's secret is safe within the family. And he got an A on his paper.