Fantasy and Reality: AN UPDATE ON PUBLISHING MY MEMOIR

                                STRUGGLING WITH STRUGGLE

In my on going attempt to publish a memoir initiated two years ago, there have been a number of collisions between my dreams of glory (both with content and process) and the limitations of hard nosed reality.

 Some of you may recall my many articles detailing significant events in the odyssey of my attempts to publish a memoir of  my personal and professional odyssey working with heroin addicts in a therapeutic community (Odyssey House) in the sixties.

I ended my last update indicating that I had an agent who also became my editor (bad move). Over a period of about a year we received approximately 12 encouraging but ultimately rejecting rejections.

 The tortuously paltry and often ambiguous notes sent along with the official rejection were all that was available for th this frustrated author to figure out what has to be done to secure a prized publishing contract.

Much time and effort was spent on trying to meet and cope with the implied reasons for rejecting my manuscript.

 To accomplish this task I continued to send my work out to a variety of people for their scrutiny. I got back a number of helpful ideas. The main one was the realization that appearances and first impressions really count a lot. This meant that I would have to keep working to find 1 - an engaging title; and 2 - find a more compelling way to begin chapter one including a catchy first line.

I also discovered the immense value of utilizing spell checker and grammar checker on word.

Additionally I kep trying to improve  my writing skills. I found some books on writing I found to be very helpful. Among them is called Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale. I concur that his writing is indeed hypnotic. I realized through him and my brother that I needed to put more of me - my emotions - into the story. I did so and have found that subsequent readers have indicated that my writing has more life to it.

 I have continued slogging the mud - tolerating the delays as best I could - refusing to become discouraged, while expanding my perimeter as though I am a soldier in a war on Iwo Jima with the appointed task of planting a flag of victory on top of Mt. Serabachi. I have no other choice than to start where I am, make a battle plan, push out under cover of darkness, and carefully but doggedly proceed to reach my goal.

So much for the content, structure, endless re writing, careful editing and the likes. Now onto the unexpected setback that has been truly painful but liberating and empowering at the same time.

I always felt that my agent although helpful in many ways was quirky. But who isn't? So I got used to her often failed promises to call me back when she said she would; and multiple time delays to her various illnesses and vacations. However something much more serious occurred that created a major rift between us. I will not go into detail. I will only say that seemingly appropos of who knows what she said among other things that my "writing is old fashioned." Given the fact that she had signed off on it being my editor I don't have the foggiest idea to what she was referring. But when she added she will have to go over it line by line and of course it will cost me more money .... that was the straw.

Irrespective of the accuracy or inaacuracy of her head scratching comment she managed in two sentences to crystallize my latent feeling that I don't trust her anymore. Therefore the possibility of a good relationship has instantly ended. I also wish to add that I have on numerous occassions directly if she did not want to work with me anymore or felt that the rejections were too many and the likes. Each time she said that she thought my work was good and should definitely be published.

I am not trying to justify my position. My motive for writing this article is to convey to all of you who are propective prublished authorsw that these kinds of things can and often do occur with my hope that to be fore warned is to be fore armed.

What I have painfully learned is:  

• Do not allow your agent to also become your editor - Too much room for misunderstanding.
• Get a signed contrqact that clearly specifies mutual expectations etc.
• Shop around especially if you are a novice to get a sense of what is out there.
• Bite the bullet re anxiety if the bad stuff out weighs the good stuff. As like working with a Doctor or therapist you come to distrust don't prolong your agony. Face the music - confront them - and if the issue can't be worked out then leave.
• If you truly believe in your work then carry on and do the necessary scut work to secure another agent.

Whereas getting a contact to publish my memoir has taken infintely more time than I would ever have imagined it would when I first began the truth is that all together I have a much better piece of work to present. I have finally reached a point where I feel it truly is the best I can do and am willing to do and can now devote much more of my energies to getting an agent I feel comfortable with.

By the way, my working title is:

                                             ONE MAN'S ODYSSEY:

           THE TURBULENT BEGINNINGS of TREATING DRUG ADDICTS in the SIXTIES

                                                      A Memoir

P.S. If anyone knows a prospective agent I would be most thankful if you would send me their name. Thank you.....