In the Best Actor Category, Oscar Makes a Prime Mistake

This Sunday evening marks the 80th Annual Academy Awards ceremony. Although in years past I have made a point to watch the Oscars, I have no intention of watching this year's broadcast.

No, it's not because I don't care who wins; I honestly do. I enjoy finding out which actors and directors will have their opinions about politics and world events instantly made relevant simply by winning the golden statuette. By comparison, it takes most political analysts years, if not decades of study and practice to receive one tenth of the regard given to the actress with a high school equivalency certificate who won best actress for playing a prostitute with a heart of gold.

The reason I'm not watching this year is because I am boycotting the broadcast due to the omission of a deserving nominee in the best actor category. This actor's performance encompassed physically demanding stunts, displaying ranges of emotions from sorrow to happiness, and working under extreme conditions with minimal direction. His display of thespian mastery was truly one of the greatest on-screen performances this past year, if not the decade. In spite of all this and for reasons I cannot comprehend, Optimus Prime was shut out of the best actor category.

Oh I know what many of you are thinking right now. "But Chris, Optimus Prime isn't real." You know what I say to that? Shut up. Shut right the hell up with that talk. Optimus Prime is more real than any of the other actors up for award this year. I'll tell you who's not real. Johnny Depp. He's a complete CGI creation. How else do you explain that he hasn't aged since appearing in the original Nightmare on Elm Street almost 24 years ago?

As far as acting chops go, Optimus Prime has Depp beat hands down. The same goes for George Clooney, Daniel Day Lewis, and the rest of the best actor nominees. While I can't say that I've seen the films of any of the nominees up for best actor this year, I'm willing to wager that none of them were required to battle 30 foot robots or even turn into a truck. Speaking of which, can Clooney turn into a truck? Can Lewis or Depp? Pshaw! Talk about limited range.

So why was the greatest acting performance of the past year shut out at the Academy Awards? I can't say for certain. Perhaps it had something to do with reprising a role he played on the television show many years ago. Another theory is Optimus's Oscar chances were thwarted due to a smear campaign unleashed by Hollywood's global warming advocacy groups who took umbrage with his massive carbon footprint and unwillingness to switch to biodiesel (it gives him gas in more ways than one). Or perhaps Hollywood, with all of it's progressive posturing, just isn't comfortable with a robot receiving the prize for best actor. Whatever the reason, I don't think I could watch this year's broadcast knowing that Optimus isn't in the running.

Even though it's too late for Optimus to receive the accolades and recognition he deserves for last year's performance, there is still hope for the future. In 2009, Hollywood will have a chance to right this injustice when Optimus returns to the big screen in Transformers 2 (unlike those other so-called actors, Optimus is much more selective of his movie roles). In the meantime, I'm hoping that the coming year will bring an influx of movies with robotic stars that will force Hollywood to realize that the acting skills of metal based lifeforms are just as worthy of recognition as those of carbon based lifeforms.

I welcome you to join me in boycotting this year's Oscar sham to show the academy that their egregious omission of Optimus Prime for Best Actor has not gone unnoticed. Their actions have denied one of our generation's greatest performers the chance at winning Oscar gold. Not only that, Optimus has also been denied the platform to validate his political opinions, which truly is a shame since I was looking forward to hearing his thoughts on the presidential race during his acceptance speech.