FOXBOROUGH, Mass. New England Patriots' head coach Bill Belichick yesterday broke his silence on the allegations of improper filming of opponents that marred the team's 2007-08 season, saying the last film of another football team he had seen was "Knute Rockne, All American."
Belichick: "That's an incredibly stupid question, but I'll try not to answer it anyway."
"In my entire coaching career, I've never seen another team's practice film, family vacation film, or wedding film," Belichick said to reporters who asked about allegations by former Patriots' video assistant Matt Walsh that he had videotaped several house pets belonging to St. Louis Rams' players prior to Super Bowl XXXVI, and sold the film to "America's Funniest Home Videos."
"I want you to go out there and win one for the Gipper so we'll have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs."
Belichick has been diagnosed with Type-0 personality disorder, a psychological condition he contracted while an assistant coach with the New York Jets. Type A personalities are high-achieving, impatient, and aggressive, Type B personalities are patient, relaxed, and easy-going, and Type-0 personalities have zero personality measured by either the Celsius or Fahrenheit scale.
MGH Center for the Study of Zero Personality Disorders
"A Type-0 personality is the sort of guy who will refuse to buy an expensive bouquet for his wife on Valentine's Day, then wonder why she gets upset when he tells her how much money they saved," says Dr. Philip Reif of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.
"All you Type-0 personalities out there, be careful driving home tonight."
Efforts to increase awareness of the disease have been largely unsuccessful, because no comedian has been willing to adopt the cause as his own. "Type-0 personalities are a hazard on the roads late at night coming home from comedy clubs," says Mike McMahon, who does stand-up in the Boston area. "They usually don't 'get' jokes until an hour after last call."
Copyright 2008, Con Chapman