by Lonnie F.
Member since:
January 20, 2008

'' So You've Got Cancer...Get A Grip

February 13, 2008 05:13 AM EST (Updated: February 13, 2008 05:23 AM EST)
views: 264 | rating: 10/10 (49 votes) | comments: 60

''So, you've got Cancer. GET A GRIP !"

"Oh, you've got Multiple Sclerosis----JUST SNAP OUT OF IT ! "

"Muscular Dystrophy you say --- IT"S ALL IN YOUR HEAD !"

''Epilepsy with severe seizures--- JUST GET YOUR MIND OFF OF IT. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS---IT'LL ALL GET BETTER---MARK MY WORDS."

"Diabetes ?  YOU NEED TO JUST QUIT BEING SO NEGATIVE!  ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. CHEER UP! "

Yes, I know--- those are harsh, cruel, rude, ignorant, misinformed, and painful statements no person with any of the above medical issues should ever have to hear, or tolerate. And people with those medical conditions probably never WOULD have to hear those words---

Yet everyday those very words are spoken to and  painfully heard by multitudes of people, like myself, who suffer from depression. Or Bi-Polarity. Manic-Depression. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Paranoid/Schizophrenia---or a myriad of other ''invisible' diseases.

Everyone can see the evident pain and toll on a cripped body. Yet, few understand, nor try to, the agony suffered by those of us with  " a crippled mind ."

A few years ago a beautiful country song used a term that could only have been written by someone astute enough to understand the inner world of the clinically depressed ( and others). The song referred to : " the insane locked up---within themselves."

Those words always meant so much to me---becuase I've been in that prison of emotions, and thoughts, and fears,---of nightmares, of turmoil, of pain--- a world of uncontrollable crying ( no matter how big a man you are, nor how tough a woman ) --- a world where you become a shell of the person you used to be;  a prison where you only want to sleep because being awake means facing a world you can't face anymore : and sometimes you sleep for days,yet sometimes you can't sleep at all----

A world where  the things you once loved to do  suddenly  become- memories from another life you don't have the strength to live anymore, even though you miss that life desperately. A world where what you did everyday of your life is suddenly an unbearable burden, an impossible task you can't perform. You cry, you sleep, or try to, you hide in your room/tomb/womb unable to even face those you love with all your heart and soul---you just can't  "DO" anymore, you can"t function---YOU'RE JUST NOT YOU ANYMORE. AND YOU MISS ''YOURSELF', AND YOUR LOVED ONES MISS ''YOU''--- BUT you ARE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND IN THIS SHELL---IN THIS DARKNESS, IN THIS PRISON!!!

And then someone comes along, with perhaps even the sweetest and kindest of intentions, and what do they say ?: You've just got to snap out of this. ( Oh I wish it was that easy!) They tell you, it's all in your head. ( Well yes--it is actually--and I've tried very hard to get it out of there, but I can't!!!! I CAN"T!!!"

They tell you to get a grip--or get a handle on it.( It doesn't have either a handle or a grip. IT HANDLES YOU!!!)  They softly say , perhaps stroking your hair or your forehead or cheek---You know, maybe if you'd just get your mind off of it ( WELL,ACTUALLY if I could get IT off MY MIND I'd love to)----- maybe if you'd just think happy thoughts (MY friend do you know how much of a struggle it is sometimes just to THINK at all ) maybe if you'd try to be more positive ( OH PLEASE, I hardly have the strength or desire to " BE "at all ) ---you know attitude is everything  ( OH YEAH, is cancer an attitude--is diabetes an attitude--- is MS or MD a matter of attitude )--- so just cheer up, put a smile on that handsome/ beautiful face of yours and you'll be back on your feet in no time  ( Really, bless your loving, misinformed heart---but it just doesn't work that way. Please turn out the light and shut the door on your way out ---and I'm sorry:  that meal looks great,and I appreciate it, but please take it with you -- I really have absolutely no appetite these days.."

They tell you all these things they would never tell A Cancer patient, or a diabetic, or epileptic--becuase---well, " THEY can't control what's wrong with THEM! THEY can't HELP what's wrong with THEM !!!." ( I hope everyone reading this knows I don't mean any disrespect to anyone such afflicted ---I'm mirroring and echoing society's misunderstandings and prejudgements. My heart goes out to anyone of any affliction or disease --- I suffer from one. It just doesn't show up on x-rays, cat-scans, or bloodwork. )

Oh..and then, bless their hearts ( and sometimes not )---here come your well-meaning Church Friends . Bite your tongue as hard as you can. '' PEOPLE WHO HAVE JESUS DON'T HAVE A REASON TO BE DEPRESSED!!!! " ( Thank you so much---but people who suffer from depression don't need a "REASON" to be depressed---- it works real well on its own, without rhyme or REASON."

They continue: " So this makes me wonder---are you really saved? Are you ."

Here is where I've got to say, that no matter what befalls a chruchmember in life--a disease, financial hardships, a divorce, DEPRESSION, ---no matter what a churchmember goes through in their lives: there is well-rehearsed outline of an answer that every other churchmember will repeat one variation or another of....no matter what someone is going through, they're going to hear some version of the following :

'' IF YOU'LL JUST TITHE MORE, GIVE MORE TO THE CHURCH IN TIME AND ATTENDANCE, DO MORE FOR THE CHURCH ( although they may use the word GOD )---GET YOURSELF RIGHT WITH GOD, GET ALL THE UNCONFESSED SIN OUT OF YOUR LIFE, QUIT  ' GIVING '  THE DEVIL SO MUCH CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, GET IN YOUR BIBLE, AND ASK GOD for FORGIVENESS----EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT."

O.K. ( and God knows my meaning and intention here):  GOD, I'M SORRY I'VE GOT CANCER. DIABETES. MS. DEPRESSION./GOD I'M SORRY MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN AND I LOST EVERYTHING./ GOD I'M SORRY MY WIFE LEFT ME FOR THE GARDNER/  GOD--I'M SORRY MY MAMA DIED //// BUT I KNOW IF I START PUTTING MORE IN THE COLLECTION PLATE, AND GOING TO CHURCH EVERYTIME THE DOOR OPENS, AND JOIN THE CHOIR, AND TEACH THAT SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS, AND TRY REAL HARD NOT TO CUSS WHEN I STOMP MY TOE----THAT YOU'RE NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, GONNA  LET ANOTHER BAD THING HAPPEN TO ME IN THIS LIFE. AMEN.

God is not mocked ( that's a scripture folks---one that just went through some churchmember's mind.) And  God IS NOt mocked. Yet so often---the depressed, the emotionally or mentally or psychologically ill , ARE.....!!!!!

I will continue this soon. But with this as food for thought, I'll end part one here.

With absolutely no offence intended to anyone...Sincerely and respectfully, Lonnie Ray Fowler,  On Social Security Disability for Depression, Son of A Paranoid/Schizophrenic mother ( now deceased), Son of A Sailor medically and honorably discharged from the United Staes Navy  following Pearl Harbor, for A Nervous Condition ( now deceased ),; Grandson of two grandfathers I never met because they both committed suicide before I came along; and little brother of a man with Personality Disorder who died at the age of 55 in a nursing home.

Well gotta go now---gotta snap out of it, get a handle on it, think happy thoughts, write a check to the church, confess all my  unconfessed sins, and eat something before I shrivel up and die .

Part 2, soon.LRF

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Comments: 60

Shirley U Understand Me S. Feb 13, 2008, 6:38am EST
Oh, Lonnie. What can I say? That I understand? In a way, I do because I have felt the 'I can't do this anymore' and 'If I just drive the car into that tree, going fast enough, I won't hurt anymore because I won't think anymore'. But though I have and do suffer depression, I don't know exactly how you feel. I know how it is to be told that God can keep me from being depressed. But I think of Jesus and recall that he cried. On at least two occasions. And the verse in Psalms where God himself felt hurt at His heart because of what His people were doing.

I do hope things get better, but I know that you can't change it. Medicine and or time might help, but there isn't a lot you personally can do. Just like I can't heal my Lupus, fibromyalgia, blood tumor or mgus. People can't see those things either and I look healthy.
Just know, you are not alone, even when you want to be.
Samantha Weiland Feb 13, 2008, 6:46am EST
You explained it very eloquently. I don't get pestered with the church part being Jewish, we handle things a little differently, but the rest right on the nose.
And yes, we have illnesses that can't be shown to others on a x-ray, or catscan, therefore people brush them away as not "real" illnesses.
Regina L. Feb 13, 2008, 6:56am EST
Thanks Lonnie for sharing this, you write it so well, I to can totally relate to you.
Sharon B. Feb 13, 2008, 7:52am EST
That pretty well wrapped it up in a nutshell. This needs to be broadcast to everyone everywhere in order to educate the world. When it is said the way you tell it, I think even the most dense of the world should be able to understand it a little at least. I can relate to how you all feel even though I have never been "diagnosed" with anything. (don't have the money to go to the doctor) I am sure my situation is no way as severe as you and some of the others have suffered, but when you have to try to psych yourself up all day to convince yourself to leave the house for something there is definately something wrong there. And the times when you spend an hour or more just trying to convince yourself to get out of bed; somethings wrong. So I thank you for doing your part in so eloquently educating the world.
C A. Feb 13, 2008, 8:06am EST
Maybe "God Bless" isn't the right thing to say, just now, but it's all I have.

I do hope you are seeing competent doctors and getting adequate therapy.
J W. Feb 13, 2008, 8:33am EST
good article
juley g. Feb 13, 2008, 8:36am EST
Very well written! I am sure there are a lot of people who can relate to your experiences.
Esther IS Flesh and Blood S. Feb 13, 2008, 8:45am EST
Lonnie - Welcome to the world of misunderstandings concerning mental illness. I think sometimes people still think that we are living in the dark ages and are frightened at the thought that they have befriended someone who is a manic depressive or now called bi-polar disorder. I think they think that we still belong in the cellars of bedlam locked up and away from society. It's a terrible shame but everything you say is so true. More than once I have been stigmatized when someone found out that I was bi-polar. I don't really keep it a secret but I don't have it tattooed on my forehead either. No matter how much one sees the words depression and manic depression, people are still frightened. I sometimes feel like an amoeba in a jar just being examined from afar to see what I do, what I say, how I act and if I should have a bad day like everyone else does, its always "Have you taken your medicine today?" Nothing bugs me more than to hear those words. As if I go around asking them something as ludicrous and personal as that. It goes without saying that I like "normal" people have bad days too...with or without my meds. Why can't people understand that we are just like them and just have less serotonin in our brains than they do.

Read up folks, its time to educate yourselves on this dreaded illness. There are alot of us out there, more than you would know; or probably care to know.

Great editorial!
Sarah-jane C. Feb 13, 2008, 9:06am EST
Oh Lonnie what a wonderful article! I myself suffered with depression when I was in my early teens all the way through my till my very early twenties. Then my depression symptoms disappeared, but a new one developed in it's place. The wonderful world of anxiety. I can have total full blown panic attacks at the drop of a dime and they are something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Thank you for bringing to light the very misunderstood world of mental illness
Robert - just a simple man - B. Feb 13, 2008, 9:13am EST
God Bless is always appropriate CA. Always. Lonnie, your words are quite true and I am no less guilty than others. My own daughter suffers with severe bi-polarity and still I do not understand it all.

As CA put it above; God Bless you and yours.
Lisa (I love loons) C. Feb 13, 2008, 10:25am EST
I agree wholeheartedly with Esther's response! There are alot more of us out here than people would ever imagine and people just don't even realize it unless you tell them. It is a very misunderstood disease and it had good treatment.

Lonnie, that was a great editorial - just great!
Marilyn M. Feb 13, 2008, 10:30am EST
Excellent, Lonnie. As one who suffers invisible illnesses - fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and DEPRESSION, I understand just a bit. I do understand about Christian friends. Some of my dearest friends have suggested that I need to learn to pray "better."
donna f. Feb 13, 2008, 10:31am EST
This was incredible. As the Mother of a Bi-Polar child, and who has had bouts of clinical depression,I can certainly relate. Extremely well stated.
Elsie Duggan Feb 13, 2008, 10:52am EST
Depression is a hard thing to deal with Lonnie, and you can't just snap out of it either, and many of the other things you describe here, I know as I have dealt with a few of them, in fact have a couple, but attitude does help, and I know that to be a fact, and also a good loving support system, I thought when I read the title here, you had written something similiar to an article I did early on when I came here, When You Hear the Word Cancer, these are fearful times for all of us, but we are resilient souls and survival is in instinct, good luck to you Lonnie, my prayers are with you. Elsie
T J. Feb 13, 2008, 11:00am EST
Thanks for sharing Lonnie.
Lonnie;

if it makes you feel any better I once frog walked a missionary to the property line and threw him in the street..

Lloyd
t b. Feb 13, 2008, 12:02pm EST
LOL Lloyd!

I would not go that far.

I do feel for you Lonnie, and hope you are feeling better soon.
I try not to let the lives of my family elders temper mine.
And I Never Ever bless people or say Blessings.
I don't think that is my right.

But I do pray for them to feel better.
Keep venting--I think it helps!
Cortney R. Feb 13, 2008, 12:05pm EST
I have been diagnosed with bi polar (over 10 years ago) and anxiety with agoraphobia and you don't know how many times I hear stuff like "just cheer up" or "you have nothing to be anxious about". It is so frustrating because people just are so misinformed about mental illness.
Missy Skids Feb 13, 2008, 3:39pm EST
Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself. Amazing article. Both my boyfriend and I suffer from suffer depression and relate to all of the above. You know, I don't think people realize that saying nothing at all is better than saying all the wrong things. A true support doesn't have to say anything at all, just be there.
Joe T. Feb 13, 2008, 3:44pm EST
Years ago there was a writer and motivational speaker named Louise Hay. She was convinced and often said things like AIDS was brought on by negative thoughts. Many people think the same thing about cancer. It seems to be the opinion by some people that cancer survivors prayed hard enough or stayed positive enough while cancer sufferers live with too much negativity. It's amazing what damage these so called "positive" people are capable of. Thanks for a great article. Good luck with your bipolar. I know it can be devastating.
Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Feb 13, 2008, 3:47pm EST
I have PTSD and depression, as most can tell lately I am having a hard time. Others as well think I am one of those that judge mental illness because of James' mother, my ex husband , my father, and even my mother. However that is not true having a mental illness don't mean you are any less a person. It is how you go about getting the treatment and sticking to it I have a problem with. Someone asked earlier regarding people asking if they took their medicine. In my ex husbands situation I had to ask or have the crap knocked out of me worse because of the effects of not taking it. In James' mothers situation it was life threatening not to take her medicines to her own infant son. To be frank I really don't care if I offended the two of them, I was offended at having to be a babysitter for the two of them. Dear Lonnie I hope that didn't sound harsh either. I truly never ever have anything against someone who has mental illness. Again it is how they go about making sure they don't put anyone in jeopardy even themselves. You are one heck of an individual and we have had those wonderful talks. I think you can be one that can verify I never once judged you and I believe you are one that can even understand what I am trying to say. I have sat here many nights debating on writing an article and trying to figure out how not to offend someone. I just about came to the conclusion that I can't. ~Your friend~ Renee
Lonnie F. Feb 13, 2008, 4:17pm EST
Thank you all who have responded so far to part one. When I turned the computer on I was worried about negative comments---but all of you have been so kind---and many of you are what I have come to term, along with myself: '' birds of a broken feather, flocking together ." I think we need to---and for those who commented that aren't among the flock---thanks for being so understanding. I believe part 2 will clarify even more. thanks again, Lonnie Fowler, The Southern SongSmith
Kate Keeley Feb 13, 2008, 4:51pm EST
You have such a kind and compassionate heart. This is a great perspective on an illness that is not very well understood.
amy s. Feb 13, 2008, 5:54pm EST
You are tottally right it is a lot to take in and that you are in a way in trouble and feel bad for diese. I just did not feel like getting out of bed to day and when I did I reliesed it was three o'clock in the afternoon. man did i screw up and messs up on my meds today. but you know i am here and i am wriing to you to tell you that life is good just bare with it. take it from some one who knows that the world be better if we try
carolyn m. Feb 13, 2008, 5:55pm EST
yes i know how you feel i have been very depressed lateley and i cry when i am alone because everything is so hard but i know it has to get better sooner or later
Jerri H. Feb 13, 2008, 8:06pm EST
Very well written Lonnie...thanks for gettingit out there.
Jan S. Feb 13, 2008, 8:52pm EST
A lot of us know the pain of clinical depression. It is not imaginary, nor can we just snap out of it. It is a chemical imbalance, the same way Parkinson's Disease, Diabetes and other diseases are.
You're right, Lonnie. Too many people are ignorant about bipolar disorder, panic attacks, SAD and other forms of depression. Even our own family members, who may carry the same genes, think we are simply "weak".
Clinical depression is not the same as being disappointed or blue due to a specific event. It is a medical condition that requires treatment.
Claudia (kitty-cat) K. Feb 14, 2008, 12:24am EST
You have had more sicknesses in your family than I had. My mom had the personality disorder, but my dad was okay. She treated him like blankety blankety blank, though. I inherited her disorder, and I think my brother is worse off, because he never sought help nor did he ever help himself. I married really sick guys, I know that now. My kids are fine, although I have had to pray like crazy about them and for them. When my two oldest kids had cancer, I had the entire United States Body of Christ praying. They both survived it. I started taking a lot of B vitamins at the age of 35, along with Dolomite tablets, and that helped, too. Now I just take Prozac.
Beverly T. Feb 14, 2008, 5:11am EST
You've said it very well, Lonnie. I'm glad you wrote this. I have been diagnosed bipolar with SAD in the winters. So I can understand what you are saying.

My Mom also is bipolar, but without diagnosis or treatment. She was verbally abusive and all my siblings have difficulties because of that. I know what it is to live with it as well as live IN IT.

Being a Christian makes it doubly hard. My daughter took a semester introductory course in Christian Counseling last semester, and she read in her book that one of the difficulties we have to go through as believers is guilt because we believe we should NOT be feeling things like depression.

It will take several more decades, I'm afraid, for the stigma to ease. Mental illness is something many people just can't relate to. Sure they know about chemical imbalances and brain chemistry at least to a small degree, but in our minds we just don't "get it."

I have found an understanding and empathetic community here in Gather, when it comes to the "invisible illnesses" such as depression, anxiety, mental illnesses, PTSD, invisible diseases such as fibro, and so many others. So you are in the right place.

Finding Gather has been one of the best things to happen to me in a long time. We understand how writing can help, too! So keep writing, Lonnie. You've got friends here.

Photobucket
Aesop for Today, February 13
Alie Y. Feb 14, 2008, 6:35pm EST
Lonnie, this is such a wonderful article. Thank you for writing, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I do not know much about this, you have definitely enlightened me! Thank you so much!!
Roxy K. Feb 16, 2008, 11:09pm EST
I've gotten here quite late...but I know this, I could've written something like this, I live this. I say BRAVO to you, for coming out and putting it in everyone's face.
Susan N. Feb 17, 2008, 12:29am EST
Excellent article - glad you have gotten lots of positive feed back. I have problems with depression and fibro so I too know exactly where you are coming from. I try to keep a positive attitude every day as that does help a lot! ( sometimes I am just positive my life sucks but I know it WILL be different tomorrow)

Once again, thanks for a good article....S
Norvona J. Feb 17, 2008, 12:27pm EST
Lonnie, this is such a great article. I worked for twenty-something years as a mental health case manager and cried so many tears in private over the treatment my client/friends had to endure from our society. Repeatedly, I told them individually and as a group how much I admired them for their strength and courage in facing each day. I have always believed that people are people are people, with just enough differences thrown in to make life interesting. My years of working with this group of wonderful people only confirmed that belief.

Thanks for this article, and if you are not already a member, please check out NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness.) There is a great need for someone with your heart and skills. Here's a link. http://www.nami.org/
Susan Roberts Feb 17, 2008, 3:53pm EST
I can understand where you are coming from. People that have never felt "depressed" do not understand that YOU have NO control over it, you are so right when you said IT has control over YOU! I got so depressed after I lost my 2 year old daughter, and then 7 months later lost the baby I was expecting, that I took my little 1 year old daughter to my mother and asked her to watch Balinda. I then went home and lined up every pill in the house, got my big glass of water and pen and paper and sat down at the table to write my goodbyes. I just didn't have any "light" in my soul at the time.
GOD BLESS YOU
Samantha V. Feb 18, 2008, 12:41am EST
What an excellent article... I can completely relate! ::HUGS::
becky soccer mom x1 p. Feb 18, 2008, 4:54pm EST
I can not understand why people believe depression is just a feeling
Bernie Blanchard Feb 18, 2008, 8:57pm EST
Lonnie, my Georgia Friend, this 3 part article, is magnificient! I just joined here on Gather.com the other day, maybe 3 days ago, or something like that, and I began reading your article, but I started with part 2, because I didn't know how to navigate the website, and the website, as you know my Friend, was having some technical difficulties at the time, so I was kinda' behind a little in catching up, and reading it all appropriately, and Man, I am so glad I did, because you have spoke the Truth, and that's all that really matters in this world, as far as I'm concerned, and I feel like maybe God values that too, in fact, quite a bit more than those who "mock" him, by otherwise inserting what would be right to do, or what to do, or how to do it, in order to make what they ignorantly believe to be, nothing important, illness-wise, and that's exactly what they are doing, because they are presuming that they have the words of God in thier tiny brains, and that's what they believe is coming out of thier big mouths. However, I must also say this, even though, it is correct, that Mental Illness is mis-constrived, and mis-contrued by the general public, including Church goers, and Friends, and or Family, or anyone who doesn't know what they are talking about, and it is a very bad Mental Illness which begins in the brain, and is due as you said, to a chemical imbalance which was caused by either accident(s), or heridetary, the thing is, we can not become like them, and let them get us down, just because they want to put us down!! Time, and time again, Mental Patients, and people with Mental Illnesses have over come the ridicule of the general non-mental ill public ( even though their knowledge and mobgistic doings are important too ), and proved to be just as good, if not better than them, by taking the correct Medical Advice, Thereapy, and Medicine(s), however, the key word here is "correct". This is not what I was intending to say though. What I was trying to say is that, as you know, almost every famous, and I do mean Famous, and not InFamous, person on the Planet in the past, present, and proberly future as well, who ever did anything worth anything for everyone as a whole, including those perfect people of the general public with no mental problems at all, was all did by People who had some kind of Mental Illness. I could start to name some, but the list would be very long, and I don't know where to start, and I certainly don't want to leave anyone out, because those are my Fellow Men, and Women, and your Fellow Men, and Women, who not only had a terrible Mental Illness of somekind or the other, and they still were the best of the best, and so are you Lonnie Ray Fowler, you are one of the best of the best, there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind about that. Your articles are written with beauty, style, and grace, and your Music w/lyrics, and voice singing those lyrics of yours are truely more impressive in a positively good way, than that of most of the known and publically known Artists today, who inspire more bad than good, that's for sure. Lonnie, remember one thing my Friend. Never give up, keep fighting for what you believe in, and for what you know is right, and should be, and the spirit that will move you, will be that of our Lord God, for his spirit, which is in you, and me, and some others as well, is not untrue, nor is it unjust, and eventually, as always, yes always, eventually, the good truth, will defeat the bad lies. I don't know if any of this makes sense or not, I had to write so dog gone fast, but anyways, it means thanks, I loved it, it was super, and now I got to go again, so have a good night my Favorite Georgia Friend, and actually, only Georgia Friend, that I really know! P.S. Tell your Family I said hi! I ♥ ya'll!! TTYL, YF in NC, BB. P.S. 2: Never Give Up!! Never Surrender. Fight til the end, and then wake up fighting, if not in Heaven, that is!!
Kellie S. Feb 21, 2008, 9:13am EST
Nicely said and lots of good points made here, Lonnie. It is indeed important to understand that there are many reasons for depression, many ways to treat it, and many treatments that are ineffective. To tell someone to "think positive" or "snap out of it" or "don't worry, be happy" is probably the most heartless thing one can say to a depressive. If only it were that simple...
Heather C. Mar 9, 2008, 9:39am EDT
Good article. You well described what so many go through. I have learned to chalk it up as ignorance. I find unless they go through it themselves they have no clue with most people. There are so many of them out there...

I am overweight and I run into so many people that are rude when I use a store scooter. They think that I use them because I am heavy. Despite the cane I have and use. They see fat lazy woman. Not a woman with a rod and screws in her left leg and fibromyalgia, pulmonary problems from 1988 from being exposed to something at work. This month by a miracle of God, I am getting my own scooter and an electric lift for the back of my car.

I can see that we are like minded. (see the book of job) God said job loved him and was a good man and Satan says" well, if you take all he owns, he won't love you"...so God said "go ahead test him". Job still loved God, so Satan said, "well he still has his health", so God said go ahead test him, he'll still love me." What did job's wife say? "Curse God and die!" What did his friends say," What ever did you do, you must have done something for God to punish you!" This kind of sums up what happens sometimes.

I have many diseases and people just don't get it. Except for my limp People have no clue. I have heard it was in my head, my weight and my age when I was 36...I know exactly what you are talking about, I am on celexa, I have diabetes and fibromyalgia, breathing problems, etc. One of my sons has epilepsy. When my mil was visiting years ago, my son said he needed to lie down. He was on 1,000 mg of depakote. I asked her if he could lay down in one of the bedrooms of her rented apt. She said no. I told my husband, time to go and we left. Later she said she forgot he had epilepsy...
Jeff R. Mar 16, 2008, 10:53pm EDT
Good article. Sadly compassion rarely grips us until it's pain comes to sit in our own living room.
Patti M. Apr 25, 2008, 3:03pm EDT
Lonnie, thank you for sharing this with all of us here on Gather. Unless we have experienced the hell you live in, we really can't begin to truly understand. My son spends a great deal of time in the states you describe. He is mentally ill and needs to get help. I wish there was something helpful I could say to you. The only way I know to help you Lonnie is to be there as a friend and to pray for you.
flit . May 20, 2008, 6:10pm EDT
I remember reading this ..very well done.


Thank you for contributing to Gather Writing Essentials Tuesday Spotlight
Ylanne Sorrows Jun 1, 2008, 10:39am EDT
Lonnie, I really do feel for you...I'm not going to act like any of the people/society quoted here, because that's not me....I also do not "preach" to people the way you described some of your church friends as doing. But I do suffer for everyone, and your article drew tears out of me, serious ones.

I can do nothing for you, my friend, and that pains me the most, except for pray and send my warmest regards....Empathy is such a terrible gift to have....
Janet Somewhere Up On The Mount Jun 14, 2008, 10:09am EDT
Thanks for sharing this Lonnie,
You are not alone.
You have many gather friends who care about you ; )
My thoughts and prayers go up for you and yours.
Brad D. Jun 17, 2008, 10:27pm EDT
Thank you for writing this.
M & M. Jun 26, 2008, 4:47pm EDT
Good posting, thank you.
Maria W. Sep 23, 2008, 9:04am EDT
Hi Lonnie, my Friend!!
I am so sorry for your suffering. I will keep you and your Family in my Prayers .
Elizabeth S. Dec 2, 2008, 2:59pm EST
Oops. I've done that. Working with Divorce Recovery groups, I've told people to start doing things they loved to do instead of dwelling on the past or lost dreams. I've advised married friends to stop carrying the resentment from an act their spouse did 20 years ago.

I don't think I've ever known anyone medically depressed, but then it's not something one would tell the world. I promise to be more careful in the future.
Claudia (kitty-cat) K. Jan 11, 2009, 1:59am EST
Lonnie, I only read part of this; the title caught my interest. This is very true, all of it is. We think God is to blame for all these things, and that when we go to church all will be better. I have learned the hard way that people who are mentally disabled can change for the worse in their minds, change from a believing child of God to a Satanic criminal minded human being, within six month's time. They can walk away from their Salvation; away from God. People need to wake up and smell the coffee, because churches which do not support the disabled are going to lose them.
Solskin Iam Jan 13, 2009, 12:32pm EST
Lonnie......i suffer from "regular" depression (my shirinks words)....brain damage depression, anxiety disorder and all those other things that go along with it.... and i am bipolar......i spent many years going to webmd......i posted a lot there and tried to help others......i have to tell you..... i have heard it all explained over and over but your telling of it all is the very best i have ever seen.....it was as if you were telling my story... for a long time my family thought i could just 'snap out' of it.....oh what a joke.....if that could be done would anyone choose to live in this hell???...i make no secret of this illnes i have that is just as life threatening as cancer or heart problems.........i wear the mask often.... i have my safe spot, no one allowed there but me.....on the lighter side....if there is one.... i have become fond of saying.....yes, i am insane and i have papers to prove it.....that usually shuts anyone up...... throwing you a rope.....hold on to it.....
Lonnie F. Jan 13, 2009, 3:15pm EST
I am always amazed and enlightened ( and feel in good company ) by the comments this series has garnered---even now, a year or so after I first wrote it. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read AND comment. Respectfully---Lonnie R. Fowler
Stacey *Mamasaid* D. Feb 28, 2009, 10:45am EST
Lonnie, thank you for directing me to this post. I treasure the people in my life with mental and emotional problems. They have much bigger hearts and greater intelligence than those who look down on them. I've discovered some of the most sensitive, giving and bright people suffer with OCD, PTSD, ADHD, depression, etc. To shun people with these problems is ignorant and you miss out on some of the greatest loves and friendships in your life.

I agree that people think there is some kind of generic bandaid to help. Get happy. Go to church. Just stop whining. What really helps is to make these people feel useful and a part of everyday life, just like people suffering from physical ailments such as cancer and diabetes. Everyone needs to feel needed and wanted not shut out, feared or useless. We really need to educate ourselves and open our hearts when it comes to those suffering from emotional and mental illness. Excellent post.
Chana M. Feb 28, 2009, 12:26pm EST
Lonnie, wonderful article! Really well thought out and written. I am not sure what else to say. Yes I have problems. One of them is when you tell people you suffer from this or that then they put their problems off on you because they are in denial. Other than that I try to work with my doctors (we don't have a big selection where I live) and try to be as hopeful as I can. Sorry for the short version, I haven't been well physically for a while.
Lonnie F. Feb 28, 2009, 3:18pm EST
Chana---thanks for the reading, and the comment---and may you feel better and better very soon. Nice to have met you per the internet. Write more when you feel better. Respectfully---Lonnie F.
Stacey---thanks so much as well. When you consider the people in your life who suffer from these things--please notice this as you do: THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN GENIUS (or creativity ) AND INSANITY. I know--I have walked that line and have fallen, from time to time, on either side.
Lexa Daily Mar 1, 2009, 3:20am EST
Depression is frustrating enough and then you have to deal with people, right. I hear you. But I don't think you're trying hard enough to snap out of it, just squeeze your eyes real tight, click your heels 3 times and say, I'll never get depressed again.....Did it work? Hang in there buddy. And you're right about that thin line.
Patti M. Mar 1, 2009, 10:07pm EST
Lonnie, if only it were that easy. I was a wreck for many years. Medication has helped so very much. It still isn't a complete answer. Your article hits on some very important issues and attitudes.
Mary H. Mar 1, 2009, 10:13pm EST
Next week, 3-7-09 Extreme Home Makeover should give so many inspiration. A woman missing limbs who helps or has chidlren born without limbs. I felt privalged to have epilepsy after seeing the next weeks programming at the end of the show. That show brings me to tears and is very humbling, it always makes me cry tears of sorrow, tears of joy.
Heidi Cole Apr 23, 2009, 3:13am EDT
Another good article, Lonny. I am very fortunate to have a very supportive church that has seen a lot of women with postpartum depression and others with clinical depression. My church even offered to pay for me to see a psychiatrist or counselor (of my choosing) if I felt I needed a weekly type of support system. Luckily some of my best women friends have either been in the same boat previously, or are currently right there beside me trying to figure out how to row! Not all church people are completely ignorant of this issue, and thank God for that! There are things that I do in my spiritual life that help me with my depression, but I would never assume that they would work for everyone. Anyway... I will continue to treat this whole body --- body, soul and spirit. Luckily for me it only started with the birth of my firstborn, so I am hopeful that as my hormones get leveled out that maybe it will resolve itself completely.
Moezzi melody Apr 23, 2009, 3:33pm EDT
Thanks Lonnie. As someone with bipolar disorder, I so feel your pain. Especially having been so public about having the disorder--everyone wants to sweep these things under the rug, and that's the worst thing we can do. Unless we start talking about these issues, they will maintain the stigmas and false associations they have. Thanks for sharing what's all in YOUR head ;)

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