Zen Sarcasms (ha ha)

It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have
their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one
works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.