DADVENTURE: Can Crabs Cure Losing?

It's tough for a dad, no matter how evolved and dispassionate and balanced with values in the right place, to watch his child lose a game.  It's even tougher for a guy to watch his child struggle through a losing season.  But to watch your kid go through an entire sport season without winning a single game is excruciating to the point of bad behavior.

Bubba's basketball team just moments ago completed a perfect season: 0-9.

I am usually a pretty laid back fan on the sideline.  In my perfect form as a spectator, I say not a word – maybe some polite golf applause after a good play.  Maybe vague encouragement for the team: "Go blue!" or "Go offense!"  But as this basketball season unfolded, I found my anxiety rising with each successive game.  I am usually not invested in winning or losing, but by game 5 that was a thing of the past.

I wanted them to win.  Just one.  Something to restore a little confidence, a little fun.  Because there were tears after each game after about #6.  But no luck. One close game, but mostly blowouts.  My anxiety was that Bubba would give up on the sport, and I would be left with only soccer in my life as a parent/spectator.  Which is tough because I only vaguely understand the game.

So I started being more vocal – still vague encouragement in terms of content, only louder.  By game 8 it was clear that this wasn't really helping.  Nor was harboring doubts about the competency of the completely amazing volunteer coaches, or the fairness in the draft process of the elementary school basketball league.  None of that was working.

So I took him to dinner.  After his most recent and final loss, I loaded up the van with him and his siblings (mom had a dinner meeting), and to celebrate his season we went out to a cheesy chain seafood restaurant with a giant plastic shark hanging from the ceiling.  The absolute delight all the kids showed regarding the outing said to me one thing with absolute clarity – we have to get out more.

Kids are funny.  I just kept saying the name of the restaurant over and over like it was a big deal until they were intoxicated with the prospect.  There were no Disney-level theatrics to the place, no singing waiters or costumes (as the ads for the place made it appear).  They did bring buckets of soggy but enormous crab legs and an assortment of tools to the table.

Bubba was in charge.  He got to work cracking and peeling and distributing.  Ri-ri and Coop managed to convince themselves that they loved crab legs more than anything else in the world, although they weren't really hungry right now, so didn't want to actually eat it, but loved it anyway.  They colored on the placemats and cracked shells and jokes and generally helped the old man find his perspective.

So 0-9, whatever, we had a huge win at Joe's Crab Shack.


Clay Nichols, Family Correspondent:
Clay's column, Dadventure, published twice monthly to Gather Essentials: Family, is a sure-fire guide to raising flawless, perfectly behaved, and always obedient children.  Yeah, right.
 
Clay is the co-author of Filmmaking for Teens: Pulling Off Your Shorts, an award-winning playwright, and the Chief Creative Officer at DadLabs.com, a fatherhood website.