by Danielle P.
Member since:
March 26, 2007

Epiphany

February 08, 2008 11:20 PM EST
views: 90 | rating: 10/10 (29 votes) | comments: 35
This week was kind of an epiphany for me.  

Someone told me this week that they admired me for standing my ground and keeping strong on my path to be with the person I am with when a lot of people don't think I should be with him.  The story is long and detailed and not so pretty, but the point is that I am a people pleaser and the way others see me is really really important to me, particularly my family.  In light of this last statement the person that told me that she  admired me made me cry.(I was surprised that it did)  She said it must have been hard to stand your ground knowing everyone was talking about you and not agreeing with you and not approving with your life.  It made me feel good in one way, but it brought the light on to how much it did hurt me that I was in that position.  This is the first time in my life that I totally didn't care what others thought of me and I knew it was just 'right' for me. 
That lead me to think of why I am such a people pleaser....I have always felt like an annoyance to people.  Like everything I do absolutely drives others crazy.  I have annoying habits I guess...I crack my knuckles, I used to bite my nails, I can't sit still, I rock my leg while I am going to sleep and sometimes when I'm resting...basically I grew up feeling like my mere existance was just downright annoying...it shaped me into who I am today.

I am not laying blame on anyone, I come from a place of understanding and acceptance..  It was not my issue it was theirs, but the little girl in my has a hard time with that some days.  All I can say is that I am not annoying, most of the time...lol and that I am exactly the person whom God intended for me to be and He loves me anyway!!

Be careful what you say to your children.  They are listening.  They love you and believe what you say.  If you tell them you are so glad that God gave them to you they will believe that.  Conversely if you tell them that they annoy you they will believe that too!!

My kids know that I am so glad God blessed me with them.
 What do your kids know?
 
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Comments: 35

Steph-in-NE ..... Feb 8, 2008, 11:24pm EST
I alway tell my kids I think they are cool and special esp when they get into trouble.. that make them understand the consciuos more I think...
My kids know that they are my greatest blessings and that God made them who they are and that I love and support them, whoever they may be. Very wise words you've spoken here and I am thankful that you are at a place in your life where you can be comfortable in your own skin. It goes a long way.
Vana R. Feb 8, 2008, 11:53pm EST
Some parents don't know just how much of an impact they have on their kids, especially when it pertains to negativity. This is so sad. Everyone is special in their own way and should be embraced for their individuality and differences.

As far as your relationship goes, at the end of the day, what it all boils down to is whether or not you're comfortable with decisions you've made. If you're happy, if your kids are happy, that's all that matters.
Monica H. Feb 8, 2008, 11:54pm EST
I make it a habit to give my kids hugs and kisses and tell them I love them on a daily basis. They mean the world to me. I am grateful to God for giving me these precious gifts that I didn't even know that I needed.
Ken K. Feb 9, 2008, 12:38am EST
Well said.... I can't add much....
June B. Feb 9, 2008, 7:39am EST
Danielle, I love your heart and reading your thoughts. You're a beautiful person.
J F. Feb 9, 2008, 8:48am EST
You haven't annoyed me yet, Danielle. LOL!!! Have a good day.
Bert Van Essen Feb 9, 2008, 8:57am EST
Once I was asked to be "little Bert in class". I left the room and came back in the room holding out my arm as if I was holding "little Bert's Hand". I become little Bert". I was surprised how powerful that was and could have talked a long time." Now I am doing some things in my life "little Bert" would like to have done. Like being a Civil War soldier or collecting WWII memorabilia. I indulge little Bert and I am doing it on purpose. I also try to dig deep inside and ask "Little Bert" what he feels like. I can cry out my desperate needs. Some saying writing with you off hand, in my case the left. helps me to write as " little Bert" would. ALL THIS TO SAY GOOD FOR YOU> KEEP UP THE JOUZZRNEY IT IS WORTH IT. It has helped me understand my life and it is fun to be "little Bert" Thanks for excellent thoughts and the reminder about what you say to your children counts.
M. Bradley McCauley McCauley Feb 9, 2008, 9:37am EST
I know that I'm also annoying. I am always singing or humming or whistling and half the time I'm not even aware of it. I'm sure I drive people to distraction or worse. Not long ago I realized that two of my grandchildren are noise makers also. They can be playing all by themselves and are humming or singing or just plain talking to themselves. Must be something we are born with. Some may say it's an attention getter but if it is, I'm totally unaware most of the time.

You are who you are and I for one I'm glad and always enjoy reading your posts and comments.

Keep on letting those little one's know how blessed you are to have them.
DiAnA D. Feb 9, 2008, 9:40am EST
thanks for sharing Danielle.. My kids know they can tell me anything and I won't judge them.. they know I love them no matter what.. my kids also know when I get old and feable they are gonna have to flip a coin to see who "gets" me :) Happy Days Danielle!
Sandra (secretary of Lalaland) C. Feb 9, 2008, 9:42am EST
My children know how I feel about them. I always tell that I love them and that I am proud of them. But I feel the way you felt. I feel that I am an annoyance to people.
Todd .. Feb 9, 2008, 10:21am EST
I think you're perfect the way you are. Good post! :-)
sharon SugarMomma is a wise woman, Feb 9, 2008, 11:05am EST
I was told that I was worthless and a dummy and then one day I figured out that my dad thought these things about himself - it wasn't me it was himself who he hated - I didn't even matter that much.

Once I let that hurt go and really looked at myself, I knew that I am very smart and have contribute a lot to the world, which is more than he could ever claim. HA - take that you miserable old ((#*$#$*.

My kids know that they are the most wondrous beings that ever shined on me and that the world and I are better because of them.

Truer words were never said.

Tell them to kiss your a**!
CyberGwen ! Feb 9, 2008, 12:30pm EST
I was raised by a people pleaser and I float back and forth from trying to please and doing what ever the heck I want.

There are times that I still want to scream at my mom..."Do what you want, not what you think you should want!"

I am glad that you are sticking to your guns. I know that it is hard, but enjoy the moments that your feel like Rocky running up those steps!
Heather W. Feb 9, 2008, 1:03pm EST
My daughter knows that she is a precious gift from God.
Jo C. Feb 9, 2008, 1:03pm EST
My kids know that I actually made an admiring sound when I read your latest comment on my article. Here is why I did: you, Danielle, responded to a comment by another person named Dannielle (yes, she spells her name with an extra "n") I found this amusing and educational, both. I didn't know there were variations in the spelling of that name. I also wondered if you accidentally found her comment or if all the Danielles here look for one another. I wondered how common the name was. That is the problem with writers. We wonder too much.
Danielle P. Feb 9, 2008, 2:07pm EST
You guys are great!!!
Thank you ALL!!!
Melanie B. Feb 9, 2008, 7:10pm EST
Thanks for sharing Danielle. My kids and I have such a tottally different relationship. Than my parents and I had. But then again, I was the youngest of five. My parents were in their 30's when they had me. And were brought up in different times. Very old fashion in everyway. lol I was always scared to speak. Because I was not spoken to. ~

My children are grown now. We are very close to each other.
Zara Stevens Feb 9, 2008, 9:17pm EST
I don't have children, but when I do, my promise to them is that they will always know how loved and valued they are.
necee t. Feb 9, 2008, 9:44pm EST
when my son was little, (2-4 years old) i was very , very sick with my bi-polar and i had lots and lots of bad days and it seems that i took everything out on him... ..
but as time went on, i told him that no matter what i said or did if i hurt him i was sorry and that i loved him more than anyone in the world...... now he is a wonderful young married man who knows i love him more than my own life... and he understands that mommy was very sick when he was little and he loves me more too...
God blessed me with a son that any mother would be proud of...
good nite...
Glitter Graphics

Good Night Glitter Graphics
necee t. Feb 9, 2008, 9:45pm EST
sorry i got off the subject Danielle... God bless you too...
necee t. Feb 9, 2008, 9:55pm EST
Danielle, you are a lovely lady and you deserve to be happy always...
♥kyra D. Feb 9, 2008, 11:15pm EST
My kids know... that they are precious beings. They know how much I love them, how smart and valuable they are to the world, and how precious they are to me and to many others.

I suppose my parents did the best they could... they were "babies raising a babies", BUT they didn't instill much of anything positive in me. I felt scared and unsure of myself and those I loved the most. I felt insecure, PAINFULLY shy and not very smart or pretty. :o( I promised myself to be the exact opposite of my parents in most ways... and thankfully.... I have kept that promise.

You have a beautiful heart Danielle. I really enjoyed this article. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Margaret G. Feb 10, 2008, 2:18pm EST
One thing I always tell my kids is while I may not like their actions, I always love them.
Pepsie J. Feb 10, 2008, 8:49pm EST
A kind word can make all of the difference when we are young.

Just as a harsh label or unkind word can be life lasting. Thanks for your honesty in this article.
Tiffany G. Feb 11, 2008, 1:26pm EST
wow we sound just alike from this article.. same bad habits and all..

My kids are funny cause one second they are mad at me cause I wont let them climb the chair to the top of the cabinet or what nopt and the next second its mommy your the best! IM glad they see past the lil things and we all love each other!
donna h. Feb 12, 2008, 11:09pm EST
I always let my girls know they are loved
juley g. Feb 12, 2008, 11:13pm EST
My mom is constantly stressing the importance of not telling kids that they are bad. Their actions might be bad, but they are not. I am always telling my kids that I love them and that I am proud of them even when they are driving me nuts! =)
Pepsie J. Feb 13, 2008, 8:57pm EST
I think you are very cool Danielle.

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