Yesterday morning my wife had a spinout accident on a freeway ramp. It was a dangerous situation and I was very concerned. Last week a young woman lost her life is a similar situation because a car hit her. This poem does not address this situation, but was the spark for me writing this for my wife.
Let us walk in this quiet afternoon
And sense the affirmations of this path
Where two strangers met and said a hello
Under this sycamore as we retrace
Whispering images, of budding leaves
And gossamer angels that touched our souls
Let us walk with merry abandonment
Like rivers run rejoicing in the Spring
For sunlight sparkles as I touch your hand
And searching eyes like gentle waves caress
Us in this togetherness to be one
For within your smile is my heart's command
Let us walk in quiet reservation
For sometimes with solitude hearts can be
Left yearning holding the magical wand
Making the test of time a daily song
That sails the seas of life that is sharing
A flower blossoming with your need
Let us walk with humble fascination
That praises the glorious gift of God
For His loving provision of this path
Under the sycamore where we first met
And it may have been fate or maybe chance
Yet here together we found time to dance
As we walk hand in hand with memories
And my heart smiles having you here with me
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Comments: 43
Samurai sword at my neck, eh. I guess I had better buy some shaving cream.
Hope your wife is okay. My elder sister had an accident like that when we were teens. I still vividly remember the imprint of the steering wheel on her forehead, and the giant bruise.
You are both lucky nothing happened to your wife - may you share life for many more years!
peaceful and tender
soothing balm for frazzled nerves
I can understand how this was born from the frenzy and shock of fear following the news of your wife's experience.
I do hope you all are doing better and healing body and soul.
this poem is just the ticket to allow that quiet repose..that singular silence to reflect and be calm.
S1L4
As it is it strikes me as easily slipping off into a bit of an Escher loop, if one doesn't immediately get that "as we retrace" returns to the present tense of "walk" and "sense". Just setting off the "Where two... this sycamore" phrase with commas would help. Or "...sycamore, and we'll retrace..." would keep us perfectly aligned with you.
Then in L5, why a comma after "images"? If it's just a pause you want, a dash or "..." would be clearer. Comma suggests a subordinate clause which doesn't appear.
S2L5
Wonderful feeling you're giving us here; but this line doesn't quite make sense. "...caress / Us in this togetherness to be one..." Are you perhaps saying "caress us / And know us in this togetherness to be one" --? Or "caress / Us in this togetherness into oneness" --? Great, but just a little off-grammar that would be better solved, I think.
S3L5
Here I can read this as just a run-on, but if I'm reading rightly, a comma after "life" would make clear that "that is sharing" refers back to song (or earlier) and is not modifying "seas of life"; or is it "life that is sharing"? You may want this swept-away rush here, however, just as it stands.
Where I'm looking for an extra bit of grammatical certainty, you may well want a touch of confusion, an unsettlement. But these are all I can point out by way of critique.
A really lovely gift to your wife, William.
Let us walk with merry abandonment
Like rivers run rejoicing in the Spring
These lines sent a spring straight to my step, and made me feel 10 years younger - a number whose share of my life has gotten sadly small. :-)
Great work, William.
This is a life poem. It strikes me that as the two of you "grew into" each other, so does each stanza reflect a differing maturation level in your relationship. Simply, simply excellent. I usually close with blessings, but having your wife safe and sound tonight, may be just blessings enough.
As to the anniversary gift...NO vacuums, dishwashers or dryers... (ever...LOL!) Maybe for your 50th or 60th anniversary.
Wilka
William, this poem shows your deep
and enduring love for her. These are
the lines that touched my heart.
Let us walk with humble fasination
That praises the glorious gift of God
For His loving provision of this path
say that vegemite sculpture of Wima,sans pigtails,holding the wheelchair and patient over her head?
that could be quite the focus point in your living room..make it life sized
It encompasses a love that last through time and then some...
I am so glad that your wife was not hurt and came home just a bit shook up.
We never know that when our love one's walk out the door if they are ever coming back; and that is why I always let them know how much I love them and give and demand hugs from them before they leave; and then I say a prayer for their safe return.
Blessings
Perhaps something OTHER than vegemite might be a good anniversary present. And PLEASE don't listen to Sheila's suggestion up there. I don't know your wife at all but feel quite safe in assuring you she does NOT want a vegemite statue of me for her living room!