What Are Your Family Dinner Conversation Tricks?

How was your day at school?
Ok, I ..........and how was your day at home.
Oh and someone spend the night..........
will you please give me a chance to say something?
LOL, never have a problem with conversation yet, but she's only 10
I'm sure we'll have our days.

My son is only 2, so he usually spends the whole time at the table telling daddy about everything he did that day, and what cartoons he watched, etc. We have to keep reminding him to eat. :)

Now my husband is working a different shift, so our family meal will be much earlier in the day. I'm not sure what our little one will talk about now, but I'm sure he will have something to say!

My guess is that boys over 6 are trickier than girls, but maybe I'm just falling back on stereotypes...

How can we draw them out?

I always brought the encyclopedia and dictionary with me. When the kids told me they didn't learn anything - I ordered them to learn something and share it with everyone else. Now, it didn't do much during dinner, but it provided much conversation after dinner. It sounds "hokie" I know, but it works. Eventually, the children have something to say because they know they can't leave the table until they can answer in detail: What did you learn today?

We all share two things, what was the best thing that happened to you today, and what was the worst?

Right now we have no problems with conversation. Ours are 4 and 2. In fact we can't get them to stop talking long enough to get a little bit of food in their bellies. Our 4 year old daughter tells us everything under the sun, from make believe stories, to things she did during the day. Our son babbles about alot of things that we can't understand and hurls carrots and peas across the room.

If they don't feel like talking, I will sing... That gets them going...

Word games, definitions, are great. Best/worst is a really good idea (I've heard that one from pros). Singing is new to me, but I'm pretty sure that would spice things up!

We have a conversation jar on our table. My daughter made it at school when she was in 2nd grade. Each person draws a slip of paper from the jar and everyone gets a chance to answer the question. When those questions got old, they added more (favorite book, favorite movie, what would you do if you won the lotto, etc). It was truly one of the greatest gifts I've received.

I like April and Joe's ideas a lot!

We play a modified version of "telephone." One person whispers a word into the ear of the person next to them. That person whispers the first person's word and their own word/phrase to the next person. The third person says all three words and the person who is "it" has to guess who said which word. My daughter made this up when she was 7 and we do it every time (which is at most once a week that we eat at the table these days). Example: Cowabunga! Tartar sauce. Yankee Doodle.

Monica,

If they know that talking is allowed - they will won't shut up and you won't be bored. I like your style.

I'm rather lucky to have a couple of chatty girls who don't need much prompting at this point. I can usually start off with the 'what did you do at school today?' and it will lead to all sorts of things for them to talk about, school related or not. My girls are definitely not afraid to talk :) Which I am very thankful for and am trying to work on a way to keep them that way as they get older.

Conversation jar -- that sounds almost like a version of fortune cookies. Fortune cookies are great for table conversation in our house. Hmmm....conversation cookies. Could be something there.

Dinner table conversation that involves but doesn't target kids is always a great idea. I love the "conversation jar" idea. I have a client who decorated a wooden kitchen spoon and created a "talking spoon." Whoever has the spoon gets to talk. (Hers was a family of 4 children and 2 parents!) Most kids don't do well with "How was school?" Specific, unpointed questions seem to be the best, like "So, I saw a dalmation running down the highway today really fast. Where do you think he might have come from?" It just gets the chat going. Of course, having a "theme" can work well, too "Let's say something that happened today that made us [angry, happy, frustrated, excited, etc..] And most important, try not to talk about the food. More will get eaten that way!

I try to ask open ended questions...rather than "How was your day?" I'll ask "What did you do today that you feel good about?" Hokey, I know, but it works almost every time!

These tried and true tricks are the best. Thanks for the benefit of your experience.

We play a "game" of HIGHS and LOWS. Each person must share their high and low point of their day. It's perfect for all ages. Even when my kids have friends over, everyone gets involved. It's a nice way to connect with each person and you'd be surprised at the level of conversations that evolve.

I'll tell you something, Clay, I know the experts say this is the WORST thing you can do at dinner time, but when my step-daughters come down for their six-week stint in the summer with us, we have 4 short floor tables all next to one another, and we all watch a program or two together while sitting on the floor eating dinner, and we have a great time doing it! We don't sit there like bumps on a log, totally absorbed in our own thoughts, but we laugh and talk about the things on the show (especially if it's America's Funniest Home Videos or a nature show), and we do truly interact with one another. I, for one, don't think that dinner time is the place for us all to air out our family issues or talk about problems. I found that made for mostly unpleasant mealtimes when I myself was a teenager. I seem to remember a lot of yelling and hurt feelings.

I'm not recommending everyone turn on their TVs at dinner time, but I am recommending that the emotional issues remain on the back burner, at least until dinner time is over. Makes for some serious indigestion, for my part.

Sometimes I think it's a good idea to watch TV, either clean funny shows (like AFV), nature or family programs - something you all can enjoy and can talk about. This works well for our situation, and our stepdaughters, as I said, are only down for 6 weeks in the summer. This kind of thing might not work for full-time kiddos.

Anyway, this is what works for us, and no one feels disconnected for having done it this way for years. It takes the pressure off from anyone feeling "in the spotlight" since the playing field is kind of leveled by equal participation in the show we're enjoying on the TV.

One last time, I do NOT recommend this for everyone, but it's just "our thing" that seems to do it for us for the six weeks the girls are down in the summer.

Take it with a grain of salt! ~ Nancy ;-D