Discovering Dad - Making Time for Friends

Originally published on Discovering Dad blog site.

 One of the biggest challenges of parenthood is figuring out how to have a life outside of work and parenting. Whether you have a conventional job or work from home, including taking care of the kids, most spend at least one third of their time on their vocation. As a parent, you also have to budget another hour in the morning and at least 2 hours at night for dinner, bedtime routines and homework or extra-curricular activities. Finally, add in roughly 7 hours of sleep per day. How much time does that leave for you to do other things, like eat, bath, complete chores, pay bills, watch TV, go to the gym, get a haircut, go on a date night or hang out with your own friends? Time is the rarest and most valuable commodity of every parent.

When you became a Dad - check that, when you became an involved Dad - your life changed completely. Suddenly, it wasn't all about you anymore, and the days of doing whatever you wanted were over. Balance was that thing you had in a previous life. Don't get me wrong - there is an upside. The experiences you have as a father are incredible, yet it is still important to maintain some kind of connection to the outside world and your friends in order to appreciate how good things really are now.

Admittedly, this has been something of a struggle for me throughout my life as a husband and father. I'm a work-a-holic by nature, and I like to be involved in a lot of different things. I volunteer in the community; I'm involved in local politics; and, I am a member of a few social organizations. In the past, I have sacrificed both sleep and friendships, in order to do all of the other things I felt were a priority in my life. The result, though, was that it left me feeling a little hollow, lonely and unfulfilled.

Friendships with buddies are different than the relationships you have with your wife, kids, co-workers or fellow volunteers. Friends don't need the same things from you, and many times, they give more than they take out of each interaction you have with them.

Over the past 2 years, I've finally committed to hanging out with friends 2-3 times per month. My wife is very supportive of this, and she doesn't make me feel guilty for it. In turn, I support and encourage her to do things for herself that she likes to do as well. I also like to think that I am able to demonstrate my love for her (and the kids) more when I feel like my life is in equilibrium.

Going to a football game, playing pool or cards or getting together to have a burger and shoot the breeze is enough to break up the routines that get established every day in life. Routines are great, but it's easy to fall into a rut if you don't have any perspective. Making time for friends gives me that perspective.

Even though family comes first, there is still room enough for friends in your life after you become a husband and Dad. Make time for friends to be a part of your life every month - it may just give you that little bit of balance you need to be a better Dad!