JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"" Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The firs t boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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Comments: 6
The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times.
When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude young girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation.
The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him.
The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation.
“Where is your respect?” he growls. “How could you do something like this? I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you.”
As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi.
As she stands, the Rabbi says, “Where the hell are you going? I’m not mad at you.”