Ferber Method?

I'm wondering if maybe your little one needs a new naptime for starters?? If he is taking THAT long to get settled down it would make me think maybe it is time to change things up. We had to do this with my 2 yr old. We bumped nap time back about an hour and it worked wonders. I know it doesn't solve your whole issue but it might be a place to start?

Oh, another thought...what is he doing before nap/bed time? Is it possible that he is overstimulated and needs a longer time to settle down?

I have this problem with my 18month old..
Altho we started out cosleeping due to her crying and crying if she was in her own bed. We still do cosleep too. WHich by the way before anyone mentions anything about that, my pedi knows and said he did it with his youngest.
But anyways, I also still nurse, so I have the problem that she likes to nurse to sleep.
If she doesn't get her nap within 3-4hrs of waking, then it is almost impossible to get her to take one because she gets too wound up and it gets harder to calm her down to get her to sleep.

I have tried the letting her cry it out a couple of times, altho I never let it go more than 15min or so, I couldn't. But I learned that after about that time she has worn herself down and then she is ready to lay down and fall to sleep once I take her out and lay with her.

whats the Ferber Method? Is that where you leave them and let them cry them self to sleep?

Hmm...Rory. You are making me think. I usually don't lay him down until he gets restless and grumpy. You know how you can tell your kid is tired so that is when I lay him down for naps. It's about the same time everyday.

At night it's the same time too. I usually have a routine then though at naptime we just lay down and sleep.

I ahve to be honest Blake has had his days but I let him cry until he took his nap a few times.. I have learned now to turn him a movie on and he will lay right down watch his movie and normally fall asleep during it! Maybe you could turn him on a movie..

If Isaac crys like he did the other day when I took the dice from him the I would not do anything to make him cry:) his lil tonuge was turning purple from holding his breath I made him so darn mad;(

With all 3 of my children, I just let them play. They will fall asleep when they are ready to.

Try giving him a bath right before bed time too.., Usually a nice bath helps sooth them and they have some baby wash for bedtime I used with the boys as babies and it worked well!

Amanda my heart goes out to you. I don't know how you do it with nursing and all. Good for you though. I don't think there is anything wrong with sleeping with your child. I just think it becomes a problem when they don't want to sleep at all without you next to them.

Tiffany - yes it's that. Where you put them in bed and make sure they have everything they need then you wait 5 minutes you go in and console them. Don't pick them up and wait 10 min. and do it again then 15 minutes and so on. Then as you do it each day the wait time becomes longer but you never pick them up during this time you just check on them and make sure they are ok.

well dont let anyone tell ya a baby wont cry more then an hour they will wear out and fall asleep.

Not True! personal experience remember..

Tiff - He doesn't get that mad. If he did believe me I wouldn't let him do it. I think that would hurt him. Isaac won't sit still with a movie.

Mel - I have done that too but if I do that then he wants to sit with me all day and I can't do that either. I have to work. I mean he plays for a little then he comes and cries for me to hold him and we do that all day. Doesn't make for a happy baby or mommy.

Well I know that now as well. That is what happened yesterday. He never stopped until I went in and got him after and hour and half.

I did that with my oldest. My husband would go and lay down with him and fall asleep, and at times he'd sleep the whole night with him. It's seperation anxiety in the dark.

I have no ideas then.. sounds like he loves his mommy ;)

we still on for the date?

yes the date is good to go. BTW - I think I'm doing a money tree for him. If that works ok with everyone. I need to see.

Thanks for all the ideas so far and the helpful chat.

Oh the memories My oldest son was like this It is difficult to deal with I know I had to just lie him down and let him cry. he is 38 now and has a successful life and a family of his own. Two of his kids were the same way.

im bringing the ones Terri:)))

Every child is so different and so are the mommies! You know what is the best for baby and you. Stay strong it is never easy to hear your baby cry, but if you know he is okay. When I stopped the mid night feedings, my little one was a year old she was eating regular food and didn't need it. It was habit. I took about a week, but I would let her fuss through it and I would just sit outside the bedroom door. It was so hard but she was fine and after a week she slept through the night. If you stick with it, it should work fine for you. patience, strength and determination is what moms are made of!!

Amanda C. - I'm doing the exact same thing. I used to really love nursing, but I got bit TWICE yesterday (once on each nipple!)

I think it's time for me to consider weaning...

I can't wait for us to have our bed back!

I don't do well in conversations like this because I get too upset. So I'm going to say what I have to say without reading the comments nor coming back to see further discussion.

It was found by scientific studies that children who spend prolonged time (prolonged, to me, would be more than the 5 minutes or so you mentioned) crying go through chemical reactions in their brain that can permanently alter the way they react to stress for the rest of their life. It changes how their brain works (and not in a good way). Even if the thought of doing this didn't tear my heart out, I could not do it for that reason. They know at an instinctual level that they have to stay close to us for their own survival - that's where the stress comes in if they aren't close to us when they feel they need to be and we don't fix that when they cry.

I think all of us as parents have times when we just really want them to get to sleep and they're not cooperating, and the Ferber method is tempting because we need something that appears to work. However, the best answer is really just having a routine and making sure the child is worn down enough to sleep but not TOO tired to the point where they're running on empty trying to keep themselves awake. dr. sears on askdrsears.com has a lot of tips on how to get your child to sleep, you could see what they have to say if you want some ideas. What the ferber method actually does is teaches them to give up, you're not going to come when they need you. And that's a message I, as their mom, never, ever want to send them. Even at a year and a half they're still very little yet, still babies.

Good luck, Aubrey. Please know that I do think you're a very good mom for even asking and I heard you loud and clear when you said it was very hard for you to do that. My take on the reason things like this are very hard for us because they are not best for our child and we know this at the instinctual level. For their survival, we're supposed to respond when they need us and let them be close to us, we know this, and they know this, but we often lose sight of it in the demands and expectations of life in our society.

You have the right to have that time. You also need to figure out what works best for you. Folks have offered some great advice, so you've got plenty of options from which to pick. I nanny for 3 kids under 3 and I really need a break by naptime -- I hate it when one of them is off schedule or won't take a nap!

Good luck, my heart goes out to you!

My son would only sleep if I held him... for such a long time. In fact, until recently, I'd regularly wake up and find him in bed with me in the morning (having K in my life has changed that, unless there's a really bad nightmare). I can't leave my children crying too long. Though I know that they also use it to manipulate, when they are too young to communicate any other way, they need to know that they are heard and understood...

I figure there's plenty of time to reason with my child as he understands things, and have the rules usually make sense. He's nine now, and though there are some moments when he drives me crazy, he is a sensitive and funny person, and I hope I've mostly done what he needs for his temperment.