Moss Seeks Restraining Order Against Giants...

GLENDALE, Arizona. New England Patriots' wide receiver Randy Moss today asked an Arizona state court to grant a temporary restraining order requiring the New York Giants' safeties and cornerbacks to stay at least 500 feet away from him until the conclusion of Super Bowl XLII, and the judge assigned to the case took the request under advisement.

Schilling-Johnson Federal Courthouse, Glendale AZ

"The parties shall submit briefs in support of or in opposition to the motion by close of business Thursday," said Superior Court Judge Thomas W. Twohig, "and I will issue my ruling on or before 5:00 p.m. on Friday, which is when 2-for-1 Chalupa Hour begins at Eddie's Mexican Grille."

"Just stay away, dig?"

Moss is himself the subject of a restraining order handed down by a court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, which requires him to stay at least 500 feet from Rachelle Washington, a woman who both agree is a "longtime friend" of Moss. "That's just how folks relate down here," said Eddie Jefferson, an acquaintance of the two. "You get a TRO against me, and I get a preliminary injunction against you. It's kinda like WASPy women give each other hostess gifts after a party."

"A permanent injunction? You shouldn't have!"

Patriots' head coach Bill Belichick said Washington's restraining order would not affect the team's game plan for the Super Bowl, the fourth in six years for the franchise. "We'll play a zone against her, which cuts out a lot of curl patterns," he said, drawing a diagram on a white board behind him. "If she tries to blackmail our wide receivers, we'll run crossing patterns over the middle."

Free the Chalupa 2!

Moss broke the NFL single-season mark of 22 touchdown catches in 2007, hauling in his record-breaking twenty-third score against the Giants in the final game of the season. Moss complained about illegal contact by the Giants' cornerbacks and safeties during the game, saying they cramped his style. "I like a sleek, padless look for playoff games," he said. "They made me look slow until I burned them for the go-ahead score."