I hate the idea
but I do it anyway
swallowing the dream flavored
"sleep aid"
I do this each night as
I have decided that
if I can "Just Sleep", I will
get through this
I did refuse to swallow that
pill at first
but no matter how tired I was
I'd wake up
my mind manoevering around
the flashbacks and the anger,
the grief and the todo list
and the panic
Then disbelief would strike me
hard in the stomach
and thoughts woud pace
back and forth
back and forth
I couldn't cry
I'd shake the bed and wake up
the peacefully sleeping man
beside me
I want to sob
but don't
I want to scream and
flail my arms all around and
pound my fists and
laugh madly
But I need to sleep
to swim in slow moving dreams
made from jello
sticky and thick and
red
I'm not ready to be
and orphan yet
and so I swallow the bitter pill
welcoming the waves of numbness
as they pull me under
rate
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