Waiting for My Destiny

Two Fridays ago, I sat at the bar of my neighborhood Mexican restaurant Los Tios, waiting to pick up the chicken quesadilla I ordered, and couldn't help but notice all the groups of people. Most of them either young singles or young couples with kids enjoying themselves. It made me feel as though I should be doing something more than eating takeout alone on a Friday night. Then I got to thinking, wait a minute! I'm a 36, not 26, and clubbing or doing something else wild on a Friday night isn't really what I need to be doing anyway. Unlike when I was 26, I am striving toward a specific goal, to get two of my children's books published by this coming October and to hopefully sell a ton of them during the holiday season. To accomplish this, I don't need to be partying; I need to, even on a Friday night, keep working toward that goal doing market research and anything else that will help me get to that goal.

My life has been pretty good, but I want more out of it than what I've been given - a lot more. I've realized that I've got to stop expecting my life to be like that of those colleagues and friends who are social workers, teachers, nonprofit managers and such, because unlike them, once I am published, my daily life will be nothing like theirs. I would like what I consider a "normal" life but I have to face the fact that my career aspirations aren't "normal" therefore my journey getting there won't be like everyone else's. I've been temping for a little over a year now, and I'm really tired of it. REALLY tired of it. But I have to work to pay the bills, and if I decide to self-publish my book I have to work to save enough money to do it. There is a chance that I may get a publisher, I think my stories are good enough to get a major publisher, but I'm not going to count on that. I've read too many stories of people getting 20 or more rejections before getting a publisher, and I'm not willing to wait that long when I can do it myself in a matter of months. I know that the success I seek is going to happen for me, everyone keeps telling me that my writing is great, but it just seems so far away. But if the old adage, "a good thing is worth waiting for" is true, I must be on my way to something REALLY good.

I haven't lost faith, just patience, which has always been a challenge for me. But I guess if Toni Morrison waited until she was 39 before she won her Pulitzer, I can wait another year or two, or three, or even four, to become a best selling millionaire. But damn it if I'm not raking in the dough at age 39 in four years, I'm going to try out for the Rockettes, which was the dream I had at 16, and maybe I'll make history and become the first 40-year old Rockette. I did win a sexy legs contest once, it could happen! I mean, you gotta have a back up plan right? But just in case the Rockette thing doesn't work out either, I'll make sure I have a second backup plan that includes a real career like teaching or something, because I wouldn't want to end up in the loony bin, which is where I would probably end up, trying to be a Rockette at 40 years old. So for now, as I've advised others in the past, I will be thankful I've got work - no matter how mind numbing it may be. And I'll wait patiently for the day when I've sold a ton of books and you hear about it on the news! It's going to happen, because I know that God wouldn't put the desire in me to do it if he didn't want it for me. Knowing that is what keeps me going, and what makes me know without a doubt this is what I am meant to do.