I'm Asking You to Leave the Premises...literally

For about the third or fourth time in just as many months, a security person ousted me from a public place.

Several months ago, I visited San Francisco. Mini-Madame and I strolled into a very expensive New-York-Big-Name department store.

Armed with only a purse full of credit cards and a camera, I attempted to get shots of some shoes for my friend, Ina. Mini-Madame stood nearby to hold off a couple of other shoppers when, virtually out of thin air, there appeared three large men in black suits.

My first thought was to run, that Men in Black was not really a movie but a reality. One of the men approached me while the others stood arms akimbo, ready to "take me down" if necessary. The man, the one with lengthy nose hairs, said, "Lady, you can't take photos here. What publications are with?"

Meekly, I said, "Umm, Gather?"

He said, "I'm going to have to ask to leave. Right now."

I guess writing on Gather doesn't give me any press credentials no matter how many words or photos I post here.

I turned to Mini-Madame, "Come on, baby, we don't want to waste our money here anyway."

We took our sweet time leaving the store, as if we were walking toward a long shaft of white light in a horror movie.

On a visit to Boston in November, security requested me to leave the subway tunnel at Porter Square. I shot about a hundred photos of my family in the subway car while we traversed the city. I shot some wall tiles. On my way out, I tried to capture a few shots of a pile of subway escalator steps in need of repair.

A uniformed guard grabbed me brusquely by the shoulder. I screamed, mostly because I thought a mugger wanted my camera, and then pushed the guard before my eyes clearly focused on him. I came close to being arrested for assaulting a public service officer when, in reality, he accosted me.

Apparently, the events of September 11 rescinded the opportunity for Americans to photograph underground transportation terminals.

Yes, I could have been arrested and accused of potentially being a terrorist threat. Who knew? There were no signs saying, "No photographs, no cameras, don't do it."

While at the Winter Fancy Foods Trade Show just a mere two weeks ago, a uniformed person asked me to put my camera away. In yet another instance, a security guard approached me and requested my "Press Pass."

I said, "I'm taking photos to print with an article I'm writing for Gather."

He said, looking at my badge identifying me as a Trade Affiliate, "you are not a member of The Press ma'am."

I said, "My name is Madame, and I know that."

He told me to either put the camera in my camera bag and leave it there-or leave the premises.

Today, I shopped at a new produce market. They had some beautiful fresh fruits and vegetables. I pulled out my camera and before it captured one photo, the manager said, from behind me, "Madam, you can't do that here."

Finally, someone got my name right: it's Madame! I'm not Lady or Ma'am; I'm not Hey You or Get Away From There. I'm not Stop That or I'm Asking You Nicely To Leave the Premises.

Nevertheless, please tell me, what the heck happened to America? I cannot take a photo in a department store of a simple shoe, nor at a subway station, a trade show or a grocery store!

Yet, Google can photograph my house with its address visible, my car with my license plate showing and me in my living room if I happen to be sitting there when they drive by!

Suffice to say, I went immediately to the train depot and shot these photos. I was happy as a clam in seawater when I realized the train car that stopped right in front of me was the Coach café car!

I am traveling again next week. If I do not return, please start a bail fund for me. Some of you have my phone number. Use it if you haven't heard from me in more than twelve days. If I do end up in theBig House, someone please make sure that Tonia gets to keep my camera.

Oh, and please could one of you send a cake with a file in it?  Sandy?