"It's a back to the future life"

Two of my favorite movies are "Back to the Future" and "It's a Wonderful Life". Both are heartwarming tales of how different the world and the lives of others would be if not for the actions of one man. Marty McFly interrupts the meeting of his parents and the future is completely changed. George Bailey is shown a world where he was never born and sees how the lack of his positive presence turns a quaint little town into Times Square circa 1975. Both these men had the luxury of seeing an alternate version of their universe. In the real world such magic rarely exists.

Clearly, these stories appeal to me. They appeal to a lot of people. How many of us have speculated on what the world would be like if we could go back and kill Hitler. What ripple effect might take place in the universe if I choose to stomp on this bug at my feet?

There are times, when leaving the house, that I stop for a moment to get something I forgot or to re-tie my shoelace. I then wonder if, by delaying myself for those seconds, I have in someway altered the future. What if, later in the day, a speeding car just misses hitting me? Had I left the house those few moments earlier I could have been killed? Or vice versa.

My wife, Michelle, is always amused at the little scenarios I work out in my head, often times in great detail, of the un-played-out future. These scenarios usually wind up with myself at the center of the story having some great and unexpected impact on other people and sometimes even world events. A bit of an overactive imagination I suppose but if nothing else it helps keep me entertained. Perhaps I fancy myself a bit of a Forrest Gump, changing history as I meander through my otherwise ordinary life.

When I think about what kind of impact I have had or could have had on other people around me and on the world I often think of the following three stories from my life:

Story One:

Twenty plus years ago, when I was 20, I lived and worked as a counselor at a summer camp in the mountains north of Tucson, Arizona. My boss was 8 years my senior. Everyone liked him. We were both thin with curly hair. We both had goofy and outgoing personalities. People told me I reminded them of a younger him. I took it as a compliment. I looked up to the guy. He was a successful teacher who was known for really getting into his teaching and relating on a personal level with his students (how personal these relations were I had no idea until just before my being interviewed by a local sheriff). There had been rumors of him having an inappropriate relationship with a 14-year-old girl at the camp; I didn't believe them, even when a friend of mine told me that he saw them together in a compromising situation. Never underestimate the power of denial.

Early one morning the two of them ran off to be together. She went willingly; maybe she saw it as an adventure. Kidnapping, statuary rape, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, custodial interference, crossing state lines to do bad things…the list of crimes that came from this one poor decision goes on. It made national news and there was a multi-state search for these two star-crossed, February - October, lovers.

The ripple effect was enormous and devastating. He spent 12 years in prison. He and his wife (who was pregnant at the time) actually stayed married and are together now, several years after his release. He even had several books published where he writes about his experiences.

I have often gone back in time, in my mind, to an incident that occurred several hours before he started this chain of events that caused so much misery in his and his families lives. I have often wondered how the universe would be different but for one thing. 

My boss and I were chatting, by the basketball court, about our plans for after the summer the night before he became a fugitive. I told him that I was loading up my car as soon as the summer was over and moving to California to live with a buddy. I said that I was going to "leave my life in Arizona behind and just take off. A new beginning." His response to this has rolled around in my head ever since – he said "don't be surprised if I do something like that." "Don't be surprised if I do something like that?" – what could that possibly mean? When he said it I was not fully present. My kids, the campers I was responsible for, were running up the trail toward the cabins to get ready for bed. I needed to be there with my kids. What if a fight broke out? Or a kid ran into a cactus on the dark path? My overactive imagination often served me well in such circumstances, working on some unforeseen danger before it happened. I left him by the b-ball court thinking that tomorrow would be another day and we could chat then. 

I have, for years, wondered what would have happened had I not been in a hurry. What would have happened if I thought about the words coming out of his mouth? This married father of 2 (with one on the way).  What if I had the presence of mind to question him? Why would a man in such a situation say such a thing? People don't just say things for no reason, or do they? What if I had put 2 and 2 together in my mind and mentioned the girl? What if I had been aggressive with this man I looked up to and said how insanely foolish it would be to do such a thing. That a wonderful woman and 3 children would be devastated if he were gone? But I didn't. Would it have made a difference if I had? Who knows? It is too late to tell. 

My kids made it safely into their sleeping bags without incident.

Today I was reading the third book written by my old boss about his prison experience when I came across a passage where he talks about the time immediately leading up to his running off with the girl. He talks about how he had wished some force could have intervened. In his book it is clear that he had hoped for, as he put it, "a deus ex machina of Greek theater" to intervene and save him from himself. No such intervention occurred. Had he been reaching out to me that evening by the b-ball court hoping that any rational words from my mouth would be enough to interrupt the path that he thought was fate? Is it folly to even believe in fate? Do we believe in fate only when we are too lazy and fearful to change our path? 

The final line in the "Back to the Future" trilogy is given by the scientist Doc Brown when he is asked about the future. He says: "Our future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one." 

Story Two:

10 years ago a co-worker kept asking my advice about what to do about a woman that he had recently dated. She had broken up with him and he wanted them to get back together. At the time I was working and going to school full time. I had my own problems to deal with and I didn't give his much attention. He spoke about his plan to buy her a gift for Christmas. I said that sounded like a fine idea and didn't think anymore of it.

After taking a week off for Christmas to visit family I returned to work. When I walked into work my manager sat me down. He said my co-worker had committed suicide the day after Christmas. He had hung himself in his apartment. I later found out that my co-worker had in fact bought a gift for his ex girlfriend for Christmas and had left dozens of messages on her answering machine Christmas day, she had not called him back. 

Again I wondered "what if?" Would I have been able to make a difference? How would I have known? Had I not been distracted by my own concerns and had been more present and had listened better would I have been able to pick up on how truly desperate he really was? There is no way to know.

Story Three:

Fast forward to last year. I was working in a cubicle as a computer analyst at a huge investment company in Boston. A coworker who had worked there for 7 years was leaving the next day. He had quit but he made it clear to me that he felt he had no choice. He was angry and miserable and felt he had been treated poorly by management. In the dictionary, next to the word "disgruntled", was his photo. While we were chatting he made an off hand remark about bringing in a gun and shooting up the place.

That evening my mind raced. What to do with this information? He probably wouldn't do anything. But what if he did? Assuming I survive the day would I be able to live with myself knowing I could have prevented another "workplace shooting"? I thought about the stories I have just told you and the role I played due to my inaction. Ultimately, I knew I had no choice. That night I phoned my boss and told him what I heard. I even told my boss that this guy probably wouldn't do anything, that he was just blowing steam but that it would be irresponsible not to pass it along. The next day my boss treated me like I had done the wrong thing. That it was my fault that this co-worker had to be escorted out by security. He told me that I "gave him no choice but to call security." When I asked him if I should not have told him what I heard he glared at me and remained silent. He was smart enough not to tell me he thought I was in the wrong but he made it clear that he thought my co-worker "…probably wasn't going to do anything." Then and there I decided I could not work long term for this man. A few weeks later the Virginia Tech massacre occurred. If a million experiences such as mine have to occur to prevent just one such incident it would be well worth it, I told myself.

An overactive imagination indeed, or maybe not. We may never know.

Clarence, the guardian angel in "It's a Wonderful Life", tells George Bailey that his brother died because he wasn't there to save him and that the men his brother saved in World War Two died because George's brother wasn't there to save them. At one point Clarence says to George "Strange, isn't it? Each mans life touches so many other lives".

I didn't run away with a 14 year old girl, I didn't play a role in a man taking his own life and I've certainly never had ideations of shooting a bunch of office workers. I know that. I take no blame. But I also know that Clarence is right, our lives do touch many other lives in ways unforeseen. I am not my brothers' keeper but I do vow to be present and to listen, really listen to the words that people say. And to trust my gut and not be afraid to speak up and question those words even when it is uncomfortable.