As a professional waitress and mom living in a small seaside town, I didn't know a single novelist or poet, published or un. I was strictly a closet writer. No one but my family and a few close friends knew about my crazy dream to write a novel--and through some mysterious process that involved query letters and agents and secret meetings in New York--to actually get it published. Few knew I lived for the slow season when I could upplug the phone, shut the door to my room, and lose myself in my private passion: words and the world I could create from them. If the winter months spent in that room were lonely, I accepted that as an occupational hazard.
That hasn't changed. As a full time writer (though I don't feel much like one lately) I still spend way too much time alone, fighting loneliness along with my simultaneous fear of failure and success, battling characters who won't cooperate with my plans, and those who force me to wade (or sometimes jump headlong) into the kind of experiences and emotions I try to avoid in real life.
But in spite of my isolation, through the internet, I now have what writers had to move to Paris to find in the twenties, or enter a costly MFA program in the nineties to encounter--friends! Real ones! In fact, I'd be willing to bet this solitary writer now has more friends than Hemingway did!
A whole community of writers and bloggers who believe that stories can change the world, a community who believe that the fate of fictional characters, or the meticulous or messy arrangement of words and motion, and feeling into a poem or an essay is worth whatever sacrifice it takes.
The other night I was listening to Philip Pullman being interviewed by Charlie Rose. I haven't read his work, but I found myself nodding when he said (and I'm paraphrasing badly here) that he wrote because we live in such a fabulous, miraculous world and he wanted to remind his readers how precious it is.
In other words, he writes not because he's a mad ego-maniac, as we writers are often reputed to be, but because he feels he has something to give and he wants to give it.
When you come right down to it, is there another reason to begin this epic struggle with self, with words, with blank pages and empty screens? If we truly wrote "for ourselves" as so many writers say with understandable defensiveness, why move beyond the safety of our private journals? Why post on a blog, or god forbid, seek publication--subjecting ourselves to the crazy-making mix of rejection, elation, despair, intoxicating praise and bitter criticism ? Why invest so muc time and hope if we didn't believe we had a story to tell that someone--maybe just one person--really needed to hear? Why do it, if not to share, as Pullman said, our love for this startling and wondrous world we find ourselves in, and the even more startling goodness that the people in it often rise to exhibit.
Though my novel deals with murder, betrayal, and the even more lethal crimes of the heart, the real subjects of THE LIAR'S DIARY are music, love, friendship, self-sacrifice and courage. The darkness is only there for contrast; it's only there to make us realize how bright the light can be. I'm sure that most writers whose work does not flinch from the exploration of evil feel the same.
When I worked conventions and conferences as a waitress, we used to say that all the professional group, clubs and religious organizations we served had a character. In fact, I was so convinced that invisible servers like my co-workers and me had a unique insight into the identity of "the best people on earth" that I once wrote a blog post revealing our secret.
Since my illness, however, I've begun to change my mind. The kindness, generosity, and yes, the love, that's been shown to me my fellow writers, here on Gather and around the blogosphere has been overwhelming, healing, and incredibly inspiring. To learn more about what a group of writers with the hearts of lions have planned for me, visit Susan Henderson's Litpark. Then tell me, honestly tell me, that these aren't the best people on earth.
Patry Francis, Books Correspondent:
Patry's column, Diary of a First Novelist is published reularly to Gather Essentials: Books.
Patry's column, Diary of a First Novelist is published reularly to Gather Essentials: Books.
To learn more about Patry and her debut novel, The Liar's Diary, visit her Website,
You can find all of Patry's articles, Diary of a First Novelist, and Reading as a Writer at www.gather.com/patryfrancis
Keep up with Patry's other postings and Gather activity by joining her Gather network -- just click here and select the orange "Connect" button on the left-hand side of the page
You'll find Patry and other Book Correspondents, plus celebrity author content and plenty of other bibliophiles at Books.gather.com
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Comments: 36
Wonderful essay many writers like me can relate to!
and I loved the secret article too...not only an entertaining read, but also a good way to make people think about their own behaviour
Publishing dreams haunt many of us, once we feel we have enough material for a book. Most of these dreams are left alone, as writers in lonely rooms.
Minnie W: I always knew that whether I sold a novel or not, I would keep on writing. It's just who I am. I think most writers feel the same way. But whether you're writing a little blog with three readers, or sharing with everyone here on Gather, it's great to be able to press the "publish" button and connect.
Marianne: Thank you!
Of course, reading does get in the way of writing, right? But at the same time it feeds it.
The darkness is only there for contrast; it's only there to make us realize how bright the light can be.
I think you're listening to your own words. You're not letting illness get you down!
I love the Gather community too, not only for the interaction of fellow writers who have become my friends but for the opportunity to explore new methods and genres of writing.
I am so glad that you have a good support system to keep the loneliness away and provide encouragement. Too often, I feel the pull of other obligations and let myself be called away. I call it congenital guilt, being responsible for everything and everyone.
Thankyou for the quote from Philip Pullman. Sometimes the world is so very beautiful and I struggle to find the words to tell everyone. When we write, we want others to see our vision, to feel the absolute joy and terror of life, to know how sacred this reality truly is.
I am sorry you have been unwell. Here's hoping the new year brings you even more success.
Loneliness is not good for recovery so I hope you are enjoying some good social time, both virtual and real life. You certainly have friends here.
Do you ever wonder though if loneliness is good for the creative process? If you isolate yourself from 'real' people, perhaps, just perhaps...your characters become your 'friends' and become more fully developed? It's a little perverse but it works for me sometimes.
Christi: That's when words really have power--when we share ourselves and our hearts. Great comment.
Tom H: Thanks for such encouraging words!
tamara: That means a lot! Thank you--
Julie: "write the story that will change your life." I think I'm going to put that over my computer. Thanks for all the support you've given to me in good times and in challenging ones. It won't be forgotten!!!
Duckie: Sometimes the only thing we can control is our attitude--but that's all a lot! Thanks for checking in on me and for all your good words.
more later...
Not even we can explain our drive to shape ideas and and scenes and paragraphs and sentences all of the time. Thank you for expressing the silent cry every writer keeps inside.
Glad to hear from you again.
Louis: With Gather, I think we get the best of both worlds--the satisfaction of writing without the isolation.