by William Dotani
Member since:
October 27, 2006

Emerson in Twilight

January 16, 2008 12:50 PM EST
views: 102 | rating: 9.7/10 (34 votes) | comments: 56

 

 

The careful planning was not erased
Seventy one plus two hundred days
Of nourishment that was warm and safe
Then blinding light an unwelcomed change
And I cried then felt touch
A soothing voice of love
Warmth I could understand
And soon I was dreaming
In the safety of love

Simple moments of life leave a trace
In a fountain my knee bloody scrape
Just five months old but I did not cry
Realizing concern in my mom's eye
A first step of consciousness
Understanding sacrificial steps
That's echoed deeply through my life

My mom showed me pictures and would read
Books of children caught in fantasies
Her voice described either good or bad
I learned of tornadoes in her lap
So when we moved on a stormy day
A tornado was coming our way
I was not yet three
But bold as one can be
I stood and searched the sky
To see a tornado

My brother and I played in the fields
Catching snakes and climbing trees until
Our mom would call us to eat our lunch
And fuss how dirty we had become
Nature beckoned and called
Life was fun till nightfall
Ate supper took a bath
Then to bed dreams came fast

On my fifth birthday I was alone
My brother sick with the flu and cold
I don't know why I had a new thought
As I thought of life and growing up
It was a touchstone in a strange way
For I was a child when this bell rang

I saw things a child should never see
But we were poor and that's what life brings
Two neighborhood boys had killed someone
Drunk neighbors fighting and waving guns
Girls at wild parties who were undressed
I hid and watched them give tenderness
I knew the world quite well
I kept things to myself
Sometimes experience
Just makes you second guess

Until school I knew not I was poor
But the insults I learned to endure
This is something I'll never forget
Yet all I have is but one regret
If I showed talent I was ignored
Forever told you can't underscored
So I was excluded
All hopes were deluded
But I never gave up
For I believed in me

High school was a road to endless dreams
I lost myself in music it seems
For I thought my classes were a joke
I just ignored all with spirit bold
I took the basics and barely passed
I just wanted out to live for laughs
I got my wish all too soon
With anger still in bloom
For being overlooked
I fell on my face

I joined the Army quite terrified
I could go to 'Nam and I could die
Luck smiled and I went to Germany
I learned some lesson about myself
Began to figure what life is about
I made plans and made these a fact
No anger needed no looking back
Reading Emerson in the twilight
I found the gentle beauty of life

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Comments: 56

William Dotani Jan 16, 2008, 12:53pm EST
This is autobiographical. I have only reciprocated to about 30 articles since my last three publications. I will eventually reciprocate to everyone. Please be patient. I have been quite sich the past two days and writing is a tonic for me. I like to give good comments to your articles and simply can't when I feel/am sick.
Apryl Just Apryl Jan 16, 2008, 12:57pm EST
William, this is a wonderful poem. I wish I possessed just a fraction of your talent. Finding the gentle beauty of life is a wonderful discovery.

P.S. I just got word that one of my poems "Ode To The Tree" is to be published.
Lisa J Jan 16, 2008, 1:03pm EST
Bill, I'm so glad to see you post anything! Since I've gotten back to Gather I haven't seen near the activity I was used to, and wondered how many of my old friends had given up and moved on. Take care of yourself and get well. I understand feeling sick and out of sorts.

It was an interesting read, and I enjoyed the self-reflection of this.
William Dotani Jan 16, 2008, 1:07pm EST
I'm sitting here listening to Nirvana and slowly sipping vodka to ease the pain. I have a very low tolerance to alcohol. It's been about a week since I had any type of alcohol so I imagine it won't take long until I go into dreamland. Until then, I must admit I will enjoy the Nirvana music.
Apryl Just Apryl Jan 16, 2008, 1:09pm EST
btw- Don't worry about returning comments, I know you always get to me. I Love your input on all my work. Thanks for your uplifting comment on Hope, I am feeling better and have been off the poison for three days.
Wilma M. Jan 16, 2008, 1:35pm EST
I love this look at your life.

I'm echoing Apryl here. Don't worry about returning comments to me. I actually owe YOU many comments. We just want to you to write as able and to feel better. Hope you get some good sleep and wake up feeling much better.
Donald M. Jan 16, 2008, 2:13pm EST
This is a delightful article [poem]. You are sharing yourself with us. Personally I love what you have chosen to publish today. Simple, real, leaving no confustion as to what it means. Dont worry about working your fingers to the bone returning comments to me. We all have our real life problems and ailments.
lynn a. Jan 16, 2008, 2:17pm EST
As for me, don't sweat returning comments. I'd much rather read what you write when you do feel like getting on gather. You always write something so worth reading. I'm glad you felt up to posting this today.
Mary McCartt Jan 16, 2008, 2:30pm EST
Bravo! First, for you insightful poem and secondly, for your discovery of Emerson.
flit . Jan 16, 2008, 3:31pm EST
well done.... it flowed very nicely ...and told the story clearly ....so little about each period...and yet it all adds up and feels complete

I add to the chorus re: returning comments - not necessary ... I don't keep track of anyone ...well, maybe Lynn, but that's all :)
John F Walter Jan 16, 2008, 3:32pm EST
There are a lot of powerful emotions mapped in this poetic bildungroman, William. You give us an acute sense in these rhyming and unrhming couplets of the environment--as well as the family life--that shaped your world view. I especially like how you understood intuitively there were things you saw that no child should see, living where you lived, and even though it clearly caused some trauma it did not affect your deepest values, which resonated later with Emerson's principles of self-reliance.
Fine, fine poem.

I love Nirvana, too, BTW, though I can't even touch alcohol anymore. I hope the pain subsides soon. Get well, my friend.
Lisa Frost Jan 16, 2008, 3:39pm EST
We all go through times when we are not able to be as active here as we would like. I have gone through the same thing several times. Don't worry if you hit a time when you can't comment. I know you will when you can, and I would rather you take care of yourself so we can have you around for a long time!

This is great! The autobiographical viewpoint, and the word selection is just incredible because it conveys all the changes in your life, and the beautiful side of your nature. It was awesome.
penni d. Jan 16, 2008, 4:13pm EST
How well you spoke of school, and not fitting in, the insults the poor endure...And thank GOODNESS you believed in YOU, friend william.we are far richer to have known you here....sure hope you feel better soon!!! And, why worry about returning comments so much? I read you for the joy of it..period! :)
Apryl Just Apryl Jan 16, 2008, 4:25pm EST
btw- I love Nirvana!!
sheila h. Jan 16, 2008, 5:46pm EST
So nice to meet you..and I'm a little surprised to read some of your genesis..
scarey..it is similar to mine..! a few differences ,for sure..you have given an abbreviated synopsis so there may be some back story stuff,we have different gonads and you definitely have more facial hair.But judging your words here ,William,many similarities...
Nice to know ya,brother....
sheila h. Jan 16, 2008, 5:50pm EST
Do you have that horrible cold/flu /creepin' lung crud that has afflicted so many? So sorry you are ill,hope you are feeling better soon. Drink your liquids,beer not on that list,sorry...Vit C and rub vicks vaporub on the afflicted areas....:)
sheila h. Jan 16, 2008, 5:51pm EST
Can I interest you in a lovely door stop?
This was an extremely interesting look into the past. It is a glimpse of the memories of things signficant. Hope you're feeling better soon!
sheila h. Jan 16, 2008, 6:37pm EST
If you are up to it,join a bunch of your regular looney friends and acquaintences for a chat or bs session at /around 930 pm..look for the article invitation..andplease blame Wilma...
necee t. Jan 16, 2008, 7:08pm EST
William, this is a wonderful poem... i felt like i was there....
hope you feel better soon... don't worry about the reciprocating ...
Blessings to you always...

Hello Comments
Hello Comments - DazzleJunction.com
Barbara B. Jan 16, 2008, 7:11pm EST
"Reading Emerson in the twilight I found
the gentle beauty of life" I guess it all
never really mattered.
Marge H. Jan 16, 2008, 7:32pm EST
Like Sheila, a lot of this resonates with me too as we share similar childhood memories, especially in stanzas 7 and 8. Perhaps we ARE all brothers and sisters under the skin.

I really enjoyed this.
Heather W. Jan 16, 2008, 9:23pm EST
I really like this. You've done an excellent job of sharing your life with us. I hope you feel better soon.
Sheila Deeth Jan 17, 2008, 1:05am EST
Sorry you're sick. Lovely autobiographical poem. I love the details you choose to pick out, and the ending is just perfect. Feels like it must be really hard to end such a poem, but you did a perfect job with it.
Granny Janny H. Jan 17, 2008, 1:42am EST
come back...I want to take you up on your offer.

Your poem...insinuates so much more than it says
Angels are praying to give you some aise
Elsie Duggan Jan 17, 2008, 3:04am EST
This is beautiful William and I love that it is an autobiographical tale, I write mostly that way myself, it is so good , this of yours, because you are writing about a subject you know so well, yourself, and a lot of us don't really know that person, You are lucky William you remember the tough stuff, but didn't realize it was tough while it was happening, I hope you are feeling better, I sent you an email, so you know what is going on here, take care of yourself, don't worry about commenting like I am, so stupid, but I need to get busy here, love, Elsie
Fred Hose Jan 17, 2008, 7:30am EST
Hi Bill
I'm so sorry that you're unwell. Take it easy.
You're the greatest commentor so if you skip a couple of beats why worry. We can wait.

I'm so glad for you that you wrote all this out. There are times when one is haunted by events that one can't remember. If one can let it out there can be a catharsis. This usually is very beneficial.

You make it sound as if you failed at school but that can't be so...we regard you as being a learned soul. You have depths and heights that make us wonder.

Well done with your lfe Bill and this rolling poem...and we all know that there's much more to come.
elizabeth e. Jan 17, 2008, 7:45am EST
William, I am so glad you found "Emerson". It is through reading we discover ourselves, I do believe.
Marge H. Jan 17, 2008, 4:27pm EST
Came back to read the poem again and the rest of the comments.

Thank you so much for sharing some of "young Bill" with us.
Wilma M. Jan 17, 2008, 5:32pm EST
I came back also to catch up on comments. I certainly hope you are taking care of yourself and getting better. Do NOT feel rushed about the commenting. I know you put a lot of thought and effort into all your writing. We just want you to be well.
Wilma M. Jan 17, 2008, 5:33pm EST
Please disregard the comment above from sheila h about blaming me for something. I feel you already blame me for many things which are NOT MY FAULT! I am NOT responsible for her chat! We are having another one tonight that starts on my page around 9:30 PM Eastern time. You can feel free to drop in if you are up to it. We had fun last night and it was quite quick moving.
Wilma M. Jan 17, 2008, 5:35pm EST
Reena and Deb J posted a variety of graphics for everyone's entertainment.
Elsie Duggan Jan 18, 2008, 12:50am EST
Hope you are feeling better William, a lot better, lousy time of the year to be under the weather or anything, take care.
Alison H. Jan 18, 2008, 1:41am EST
I love this poem. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Alison H. Jan 18, 2008, 1:42am EST
Hope you are feeling better soon.
William Dotani Jan 18, 2008, 10:34am EST
I'm still rather weak and sleeping a lot. I hope to be back tomorrow in full steam.
Donald M. Jan 18, 2008, 12:01pm EST
William I am so sorry you are feeling so rotten, we sure hope you get better.
sheila h. Jan 18, 2008, 2:52pm EST
i see your Photo bucket finger is better!YaY
i gotta catch up and will stop at your place on Sunday evening...
so please dress for the occasion..skid marked underwearwill not be tolerated...
Edward Nudelman Jan 18, 2008, 3:19pm EST
William, this is quite a work. The flow is excellent and I like the pared-down punctuation. My only suggestion would be to think about the length in terms of the full 'bio' of life. I wanted the poem to be either shorter and more filled with quanta of energy OR I wanted it to be longer and take in other periods of your experience. Still, I very much enjoyed reading the poem and DO GET BETTER!
Elsie Duggan Jan 18, 2008, 8:27pm EST
Thank you for the picture of my favorite movie, where do you find these things, I think you are picture happy and I just love it. Hope you are feeling so much better. Elsie
Marianne M. Jan 19, 2008, 10:33am EST
Thanks for sharing this sensitive insight into your life. I agree with EN. I hated to see it end. Maybe you will do a part 2?
Curt L. Jan 19, 2008, 11:48am EST
Feel better William! Love this colorful glimpse into your life! Thank you!
TK Rosevear Jan 19, 2008, 1:08pm EST
Wow, William being kindred spirits in the works of Emerson was not really a surprise, but our childhoods are also quite parallel...
Of course, that is what brings out creativity - the angels singing on our shoulders that remind us of surviving the real experiences of life!
Cristina S. Jan 19, 2008, 2:35pm EST
William, Emerson is a big inspiration -
I firmly believe we become better people by meeting and overcoming adversity... and you illustrate this with your poem! Very well done!
Tom C. Jan 19, 2008, 4:06pm EST
William - I like this brief recap of your adolescence and how you transcended your anger and early obstacles to find the beauty in life. I was especially transported by the stanza about you and your brother playing outside all day - "Life was fun till nightfall." A strong recollection of youth and its unending possibility and mystery.

I would have liked to see a stanza or two on the substance within Emerson that helped you to grow. Otherwise, I thought this very good.
Donald M. Jan 19, 2008, 6:15pm EST
We know your photobucket finger is well, but how is your body? Of course we are concerned about your health. Just take care of yourself, we will all check on you.
We are like the daily gazette, just let one person know something and they report to everyone else. Take care Bill, just get well.
Elsie Duggan Jan 20, 2008, 1:09am EST
Happy weekend Bill, I can't believe it is half over, I hope you are feeling better,
Minakshi w. Jan 20, 2008, 5:08am EST
Quite a poem, William, going from your age five month to the present, all your changes, feelings mapped out for us in verse. It was a joy to read your descriptions and memories.

Wishing you recover from the pains and aches and bounce back with a new poem.
Bonnie S. Jan 20, 2008, 6:01pm EST
I liked this, it's nice reading about what you have been through. I would like to read more also. I hope you feel better soon. Don't worry about comments for me, I don't have much to comment on.
Trish A. Jan 20, 2008, 7:38pm EST
William I felt as if I was floating next to you as you walked your life's path. Your descriptive words painted scenes of yeaster year. Thank you for sharing this autobiographical poetic piece.
Marge H. Jan 20, 2008, 8:10pm EST
Hi William. I hope you are feeling well today.

I really hope Russ comes home tomorrow for all kinds of reasons but also so I can show him the funny get well cards you sent.
Neal Wass Jan 20, 2008, 9:09pm EST
Glad you are feeling better. Sounds like your childhood was not boring.
Take two asprins and write us in the morning.
John Harris Beck Jan 20, 2008, 11:20pm EST
I too wish you well, and comments are second when you have such as this to give. Well, my Emerson alarm didn't go off or I'd've been here quicker. You tell your story with many beautiful touches, and I am glad you got your chance in life, if late. And the last two lines --

Reading Emerson in the twilight
I found the gentle beauty of life

well, somehow I think they would please him immensely, as would the whole poem. A deep but deeply gentle man, the prophet of the conscientious self. Salut! which means, be well!
t b. Jan 21, 2008, 12:02am EST
This is really good William.
I would swear your writing is improving.
Are you feeling any better?
I hope so.
Take care and don't worry about reading back.
Elsie Duggan Jan 21, 2008, 2:51am EST
Just checking in on you to see if you are okay or not, I hope you are feeling better, your poem , this one is a big hit William, and I am so happy for you, Hope you had a good weekend,
Sheila Deeth Jan 24, 2008, 12:22am EST
I saw there were two more parts up, so I thought I'd better revisit part 1 before reading them. Hope you're feeling better.

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