by Marilyn M.
Member since:
February 14, 2007

How Dare You!

January 11, 2008 03:13 PM EST (Updated: March 18, 2008 12:16 PM EDT)
views: 104 | rating: 9.6/10 (29 votes) | comments: 37

How Dare You!

By Marilyn Mackenzie  



How dare you tell me

To get a grip

To paste on a smile

To take a trip

How dare you tell me

It doesn't hurt

When I'm the one who's in pain! 



How dare you tell me

I don't look sick

I look just fine

I'm making it up

How dare you tell me

It isn't real

When I'm the one who would know! 



How dare you tell me

To ignore the pain

To just go on

To do what I do

How dare you tell me

I shouldn't be sad

When I'm the one who's depressed! 



I'd never wish this pain upon you

Or the foggy forgetfulness either

I'd never ask that you be so sad

That you couldn't get out of bed

Or do what you normally do

Well, I would never wish these things

Because I've asked God to help me

Love you instead of wishing you harm. 



And while we're on the topic of God? 



How dare you tell me

That I should pray more

Or have better faith

Or find my lost God

How dare you tell me

I don't have enough faith

When I'm the one who prays for both of us. 



I dare not judge you, though.

How dare you judge me.

How about if we just pray for each other.

That if God will not take this burden from me,

He will show me how to make it benefit Him.

And that God will keep you well



As He softens your heart just one little bit



As you look at those of us

Who don't look sick. 

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Comments: 37

Marilyn M. Jan 11, 2008, 3:17pm EST
Hmmm. Don't know why I can't get this to format better.
Heather C. Jan 11, 2008, 3:19pm EST
Excellent...I am right there...and how dare you step in front of me and stop when I am in handicap scooter or ignore me and not move your basket or refuse to move so I can get by because you don't think I am disabled.
Cheryl W. Jan 11, 2008, 3:21pm EST
This is wonderful, Marilyn. I have felt just this way many times.
Heather C. Jan 11, 2008, 3:23pm EST
It is a shame that people can't understand fibro. So many people I say push on my calf or my thigh as my muscles are stiff as a board. Recently one medical person said that it was what people want, a hard body. I quickly responded, "Yes, if you are physically fit," Ignorance abounds. The muscles spasm and stiffen and cause pain, duh. I don't even have to move to be in pain, I just get into worse pain when I move.

I wish everyone could read this poem..
vickie f. Jan 11, 2008, 3:27pm EST
This is a great poem hit the nail on the head real well. Sounds like a plea of all who are hurt and not bleeding outloud.
Erin P. Jan 11, 2008, 3:30pm EST
I would say how dare you yell at me through this poem when I don't do this to people ... but I know this is meant for the masses and not just for me. It doesn't hurt to smile, though, does it? Even when I hurt I try to smile or laugh. Sometimes it is the only way we can get by in the face of bad situations. :)
Bethany C. Jan 11, 2008, 3:31pm EST
How often, I'm sure, many of us have felt the same way. Only God really knows the thoughts and intents of the heart.
I know when my back was hurting me so severely and I parked in the handicapped parking space sometimes, people gave me the ugliest looks. I was walking, sure, but only until I could get in the store and find a riding buggy. I had a tag on my car, but that wasn't enough for them. They didn't know that some of those times I was in such agony until I could sit back down.
I know God healed my back, but not because I prayed more or was better than anybody else. Who knows why certain things are allowed?
A great man of God, Smith Wigglesworth, prayed for people all over the world who were healed. And yet his own daughter never got healed of a crippling disease that she had. Did he not have enough faith? Of course, he did.
We just have to pray, and keep praying for one another. My pastor is always quoting this, "Above all, get understanding." Once we understand another persons situation, then it's not so easy to judge harshly.
Bethany C. Jan 11, 2008, 3:35pm EST
Oh, yeah. And this is another thing that I want to ask, "How dare they?" A couple of people told me that I must not have been sick at all, or I wouldn't be well now. Crazy, huh?
What about the CAT scans and X-rays. Were they imaginary?
Roger Kiser Jan 11, 2008, 3:40pm EST
It is a shame that those who have never 'been there' do not try and understand the plight and problems of others. They make any and all decision, on how they treat others, based on their own situation, life experiences and circumstances. It takes very little to be considerate of others even when you do not, or cannot, understand the unknown problems others may have in their lives.

Kindness, love, respect and consideration are free for the taking. They are free to all of us so that we can give those gifts for free to our fellowman. It is a shame that even these free gifts are rejected by many in this day and age.
Marilyn M. Jan 11, 2008, 3:41pm EST
Oh, yes, Heather. I have only had to use a grocery scooter a few times, but if I didn't have my huge leg brace on, folks just looked at me like I was lazy.
Marilyn M. Jan 11, 2008, 3:43pm EST
Roger, I think you've hit something with your comment. I think, perhaps, I expect just a bit more from folks who have "been there" in some way.
Michael C. Jan 11, 2008, 3:44pm EST
Thanks for sharing... Some people just don't understand 'hidden disabilities'...
I'm thankful I don't have one!

An ounce of kindness mean so much more than a pound of ill-thought...
Susan Roberts Jan 11, 2008, 3:47pm EST
AMEN! There are days that my whole body hurts, just like today. It is raining out, and my neck and back are screaming in pain. My shoulders feel like they are on fire. My head hurts, my knee went out on me again while hubby and I were at the store. My left foot is swollen and uncomfortable in a shoe. But I say "thank you GOD I can feel the pain because there are so many that can't. I thank GOD that I am at least able to get up and move around, so many can't walk. I thank GOD that I am able to sit in front of my computer even if it is for a short time, because the pain gets too great for me to sit for long, because some can not sit up at all. I just thank GOD for all that I can do and all that I have. And GOD forgive me if I ever judge someone else unfairly.
Angela A. Jan 11, 2008, 3:57pm EST
This is exactly how I used to feel when I was little and had been in the hospital and got out and was told my mom's first husband used to say when we were gone and everyone would ask about us we would hear that he would say oh they are off on another one of their vacations.
Marilyn M. Jan 11, 2008, 5:07pm EST
Susan, you're right. When I'm having a pity party, there are two blogs I visit. One is the blog of a middle aged man who is in a wheelchair and on a breathing machine, who sends out email devotionals as his ministry. The other is the blog of a mid-20s woman who was born without arms and legs. She also has quite an internet ministry, thanking God for allowing her to be born (and not aborted).
Fran S. Jan 11, 2008, 5:48pm EST
a great piece of writing !!
Larry M. Jan 11, 2008, 9:11pm EST
That sounds like it's from someone who knows what it's like from the inside.

The pain and depression are bad enough without the commentary from others.
Heather W. Jan 11, 2008, 10:20pm EST
Wonderful poem. My mom has fibromyalgia and one doctor kept trying to tell her it was all in her head.
Cheryl R. Jan 11, 2008, 10:27pm EST
Marilyn, while I understand the pain that those of us who don't look sick go through, I've found that trying to explain to someone who isn't going through it is like whistling in the wind. I do think it's helpful to get up and do what I am able to do to the best of my ability and to do it with the most positive attitude I can muster on any given day.
Some days are better than others, but I'm grateful for everyone of them.
Marilyn M. Jan 11, 2008, 11:32pm EST
You're right, Cheryl. We should get up and do what we can, but we shouldn't have to explain to the world what we can't.
Jean, just the teensiest bit odd, F. Jan 12, 2008, 2:09am EST
It's really so, SO difficult, isn't it, when we don't get the emotional support that we need from those closest to us? It's like a blow from an unexpected source that simply knocks our feet out from under us...
Daytona A. Jan 12, 2008, 6:33am EST
Well said
Marilyn M. Jan 12, 2008, 12:33pm EST
You're right, Jean. That's always the worst.
~*~Nina~*~ R. Jan 12, 2008, 1:07pm EST
Marilyn, you said it all! Most people think that if you're not missing a limb, or if you're not disfigured, then you have no pain and you are not disabled! I have gone through this for years! You put it all into words beautifully! Thank you!
Nancy S. Jan 12, 2008, 5:55pm EST
My father was known for two sayings. The first was " be as good as your word ". The second was, " judge not until you've walked a day in their shoes."
Crippling migraines ran in our family and my dad suffered with them all his life. My mother never had a headache in her life until 3 days before she died. I had my first one when I was 3 years old. I remember telling my mom I wished she could feel it because I couldn't tell her how bad it hurt.
Marilyn M. Jan 12, 2008, 7:27pm EST
Wow, Nancy, a headache at 3 years of age. Ouch.

I remember my first really bad pain. It was an ear ache and I got sent home because the pain was so bad. I remember lying on the sofa with my ear on a hot water bottle.
For years, that was my definition of a level 10 pain (if I had know about pain levels). Then more life happened and I learned that was not the worst pain.
Midnite Writer -- Kim Jan 13, 2008, 12:50am EST
What an excellent, constructive expression of ideas. You are doing great with poetry, it was a nice treat to see you post this. Thanks Marilyn. And yes, praying is the answer - always!
Midnite Writer -- Kim Jan 13, 2008, 12:52am EST
That is the biggest complaint I received from my chronically ill friends. They don't look sick, so people assume they just "got better." What? It doesn't work that way. There's a lot in our bodies that people cannot see, and for good reason.

People get real irritated with walkers and scooters and chairs also. How sad!!!

My heart goes out to you.
Phyllis R. Jan 14, 2008, 10:07am EST
Great article....My mother, mother in law and my 2 brothers have fibro,- while I do not have it, I do see the pain that they live in each and everyday! I pray God's blessings on each or you who live in daily pain, you all are in my prayers!
Lesli B. Jan 15, 2008, 8:01am EST
Well said!
Debra N. Feb 2, 2008, 1:22pm EST
May God bless you, Marilyn, for putting into words what some of us unfortunately go through on a daily basis. My family told me I didn't need my cane because I was walking fine for the first couple of days I was visiting them. On the third day, I didn't bring my cane and fell plat on my face in the middle of a parking lot onto the hard pavement and got a concussion. I learned that day that I would never listen to such criticism again. The sad thing is that their words caused me to doubt myself to the point where I could have killed myself. They INSISTED I bring my cane from then on. My own family! The people who should be my support network! It does cause one to say to oneself, "How dare you?!!"
Swimming With The Tide O. Mar 18, 2008, 7:40pm EDT
Bravo! Well said Marilyn. When my health started to deteriorate I looked healthy and had been told by many that it must all be in my head. Now I have an entourage of doctors that work to keep me functioning, yet I still look healthy to the average individual. Failing internal organs are not visible to the average person nor is nerve damage or any of the other internal pains that people suffer. Does anyone have the right to cast doubt on another without knowing them or understanding someones illness? I think not. It all goes back to that casting the first stone. My house has too much glass for that.
Bert Van Essen Mar 19, 2008, 7:50am EDT
Right on! I have been told the same things!
Lisa Frost Mar 19, 2008, 2:24pm EDT
I haven't seen this before now! this is awesome. It fits so much that I am going through now. Thank you for sharing this!
Fern Cohen Mar 28, 2008, 6:55pm EDT
yes, i have ALS, which is obvious. But I also fought with depression in adolescence and thru adulthood. I was told "SMILE! life can't be that bad!" I couldn't help it.....my body always felt like I was carrying a ton of bricks!!
Missy Cline Apr 11, 2009, 1:12am EDT
So glad I came across this. I am one of the lucky ones because my health issues are visible. But there are so many people who have invisible disabilities and suffer the arrows of scorn by those too ignorant to take a second look or have no compassion or mercy.

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