Essay - Send the old guys to do the fighting

I think that we have it all backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to send old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 45.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" Old guys are impatient and maybe letting them kill some a****** that desperately deserves it will make them feel better and shut them up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, They are tired and can't sleep and since they are already up, they may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.
If captured they couldn't spill the beans because they'd forget where they put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. They are used to getting screamed and yelled at and they like soft food. They've also developed an appreciation for guns. They've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

We would need to lighten up on the obstacle course however. That is acceptable since I I haven't seen one example of having to fight the enemy by climbing over a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side. I also do not think that the enemy is worried about how many pushups they can do. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let the old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.