Kimber posted about her husband's (truly certifiable) ex-wife. While she completely has me beat on sheer insanity, I thought I'll tell you a funny story about MY husband's crazy ex-wife.
This woman isn't certifiable, but she's definitely neurotic. He divorced her because she was a nag, mean-spirited and had a tongue as sharp as a whip. She wasn't at all happy to be dumped for me, and she spent a fair amount of time calling and yelling at my husband. She'd leave these really nasty, bitchy messages on our answering machine. (It was the old cassette-tape style).
After one particularly bad month, I'd about HAD it with the messages. So one day when she called to bitch ... er ... talk to Roy, I told her that she needed to stop leaving those nasty messages on our answering machine. I know what ticked her off that time -- I'd just recorded a message that sounded risque ... I said we couldn't get to the phone because we were ... tied up ... right now. Heh.
She said she hadn't left any nasty messages. I said yes, you did. We know your voice. She said no, she didn't. So then inspiration struck. My husband is an electronic technician with a lot of equipment, including an ocilliscope.
I said, in a very serious voice, "Sue, you know Roy has an ocilliscope in the basement. It's a simple matter to feed the message into it and look at the voice print pattern. All we had to do was compare it to other messages you left. I know it's you!"
She sputtered a few times and hung up. She never left another nasty message again! ROTFLMAO!!!!
When Roy got home, I told him the story. His jaw hit the floor and he laughed so hard he nearly fell over. "I can't believe she bought that line!" He shook his head and said, "You do know it doesn't work that way, right? It only measures an electrical signal."
"Sure," I said. "But she obviously doesn't know that!" Hee hee hee.