Spurred on by Hillary Clinton's surprise comeback in New Hampshire, an enterprising young woman in Washington DC has opened America's first "Tears on Demand" salon; just off DuPont Circle. The lady sure knows how to pick her location. Outside of Hollywood, Washington probably has more failed actors than anywhere else in the US. Sure, most politicians have their personal handlers (euphemistically referred to as Chefs of Staff), but they are only good at teaching their wards how to smile confidently, give a cheery wave; and other happy stuff like that. No one knows how to fake sadness.
Not surprisingly, the salon is booked solid for the next month. Crying on tap is the current 'big thing' in the nation's capital and everyone wants to cash in on the trend. For $100, clients get a basic one-hour glycerin session. Here, they are taught to hide liquid glycerin in a small hand sanitizer bottle, rub it on their hands at the appropriate moment and casually allow the tips of their fingers to brush their eyes. The only problem with this technique is that the tears don't always stop exactly when you want them to; and that could get awkward.
For $250 (lunch not included), you can get a full day training session for producing the waterworks without artificial aids. The salon owner has cleverly recruited out-of-work soap opera actors to train clients in the art of faking it. Clients are taught the technique of slowly building up to the moment by thinking sad thoughts - like, will I have to go back to ambulance-chasing if I lose? The trick is to let the tears build up gradually, for maximum effect. Clients learn how to start off with a barely perceptible mist over the eyes; gradually culminating in a pendulous teardrop that hangs tantalizingly out of the corner of the eye, before running down the cheek. The visual and emotional impact of this performance cannot be overestimated.
The young entrepreneur is savvy enough to realize that her business will boom only until the next big thing comes along. So he hasn't quit her day job just yet ? merely taken a three-month leave of absence. I wish her luck. It is enterprising opportunity-grabbers like her that have made America the great country it is.
(PS: If you believed the above story, you'll believe anything.)
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Comments: 47
I'm sure Spock would find this all fascinating … and highly illogical.
Firoze, I hope the SATIRE tag is noticed or you'll be reduced to tears.
LOL Ty, I love itt.
According to neuroscience books though, when people know they are being manipulated it is an innoculation against the the viral brainwashing we are all being subjected to .... and how can Americans know at this point that we are not all being subjected to really intense brainwashing and opinion grooming in order to avoid a real democracy in this country, in order to avoid paying the price of the screw-ups we have been dragged into the last 8 years.
Some people are so brainwashed they even write their own articles and pass it on like textual typhoid Marys trying to take other people into their senseless ways of thinking, maybe so they can feel like leaders, or at least non-losers.
Personally, Hillary was not my first choice, but I think she is OK ... and she is a damn site better than her booming self-important but inexperienced egomaniac opponent who seems to believe a Presidential candidate needs do nothing else in their life except maybe get elected to the Senate, even if they do not pass any orginal or new legislation or build any leadership.
Regards,
Doyle I <~~~~~
Oh, I know. It's just so horrible that some people can have a sense of humor. Shame on them!
As a NH voter (not for Hilary) I can say that crying episode made her more human, especially to other women, who were out en masse that day to vote. Sadly, the water works didn't make her any more likable, and that's really her problem, people just don't like her, even those who like Bill. That's what will keep her from being the first woman President.
And then Chris Rock said it best, "My wife couldn't get up here and make you laugh. Why do we think just cause someone's husband was president that qualifies the wife for the job? Would you want the pilot's wife to fly the plane? I don't think so!"
All the best,
Sue
Come on, folks! To show a very human emotion is honest and not a display of weakness or manipulation. She was exhausted and drained and although she's not my candidate of choice, I really enjoyed seeing a soft side to her for a change.
speak for yourself you old hag, I find Hillary plenty likeable, and those
of you who comment do not know or care about her likeability anyway,
you are making pointed political character assinsation statements.
If you cared about likeability or integrity there would be plenty of
comments, mostly on the Republican side.
I wish this whole brand of comment would go away. I don't need to
like my president, or have a beer with them, or have them believe in
God the exact same way I do ... I need someone who is competent,
not corrupt, and a human being that i can understand with some
record of action and accomplishment.
That removed everyone running for me but Hillary Clinton, John
Edwards and John McCain. The rest of them are egotistical idiots
as far as I can see ... that is the only character defect that makes
a difference to me, and it should me to any voter who cares
about the country, and the Constitutution.
like my president, or have a beer with them, or have them believe in
God the exact same way I do ... I need someone who is competent,
not corrupt, and a human being that i can understand with some
record of action and accomplishment. This removes almost all of
those running for president ... not Hillary though.
Feel sorry for yourself ... if you were lucky enough to have the religious experience of "getting my point" you'd probably hang yourself for your sacrilegious post in shame.
Nor take the high ground because you call if satire, nor attack me for defending free speech and bemoaning the inclusion of bad behavior like this in the electorial process, because I used a mean word towards someone who expressed a mean intention towards and innocent and absent person.
That leaves EM, who is just clueless in general and is willing to make nasty obscebe and tasteless personal innuendos and attacks when she mistakenly thinks she is defending a "sister".
However, I do have to say it is sad that this made such a big splash, while issues don't seem to. Humans are capable of crying. Big deal.
A very smart Democratic friend of mine concurs with Hillary that the next president should be someone who will keep tabs on the bureaucracy, which will do whatever it wants if no one looks.
The problem with that is there is too much bureaucracy for any one person to keep tabs on.
When we have a googlefull of laws that cannot be evenly enforced, we have a problem with a cheapened respect for law and persons.
Maybe the namecalling on Gather is a symptom of this.
Ron Paul is the only candidate who touches the inconvenient truth that our children cannot afford a government supported by a house of paper money now owned offshore.
Is it fortunate there is no collateral?
RP is also the candidate most disciplined in criticizing behaviors rather than persons, which is not easy when Firoze makes freedom of speech so much fun.