The candidates swimsuit competition was held at an undisclosed location provided by Dick Cheney. The event, where no cameras or media is allowed, has a past veiled in secrecy, but can be traced back to Teddy Roosevelt. Once again, the judges remain confidential information, and only the top five contestants are announced. They are, in order...
1. Dennis Kucinich
2. Hillary Clinton
3. John Edwards
4. Barak Obama
5. Bill Richardson
This does not mark the first time that the Democratic party has swept the field, and Bill Richardson barely made the cut based on body tone left over from high school athletics. Mitt Romney questioned the judges ranking based on Barak Obama's "funny looking legs".
Shortly after the crowning ceremony, and the stage walk, Dennis Kucinich was asked about his second win in a row. Would he run again in 2012? "It depends on the field", he answered coyly.
The third party candidates, once again, were no shows. Whether they will be bared from the debates again remains to be seen. "I just don't understand it", commented John Edwards, "Ralph Nadar had nothing to be ashamed of".
Fred Thompson was named Mr. congeniality, known to have a fashion sense, he helped every candidate with their choice of suits, hair and make-up.
SATIRE, I repeat, SATIRE.