by Karen M.
Member since:
March 7, 2007

UGH !! I Can't Decide

January 05, 2008 09:23 PM EST
views: 57 | comments: 28

Years ago, I had a wonderful best friend. She was a couple of years younger than me, but we were very close. She was a good person and through many things, we went our separate ways. We went our separate ways in an excrutiating way. I wasn't very nice to her. It wasn't all my fault, but I certainly could have been better about it....It was partially the pressures of being a teen, partially her parents are CRAZY, and partially....just plain WRONG....

I have regretted it for years. We did talk a couple of times after all of it, but never regained anything close to friendship. As a matter of fact, she left our school and went to another one near by and I think in part it was to avoid me.....

So, I have always considered writing to her. Always considered saying, "Sorry, it was me not you..." It isn't that I think it would change things rather, I should have been nice. What did I know at that time right?  A few weeks ago I got a list of coaches in our area and there she was listed with her e-mail, etc.....

I haven't done anything about it....tomorrow is her birthday...yes, I still remember....but I can't decide if I should write or just let things be done and over with.....It was over 15 years ago after all....so, what does everyone think???? I am relying on you my Gather friends...to help me out on this one....

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Comments: 28

Connie C. Jan 5, 2008, 9:26pm EST
Sometimes we grow from our trials. If if was me and I was thinking of her, I would do something about it. That is just the way I am though. You will have to decide yourself what you should do.

Somethings are just not worth loosing a friend over. Good luck in your decision. I know you will choose the right path for you to follow. :)
Brian T. Jan 5, 2008, 9:27pm EST
I don't know about the possibility of rehashing things on her birthday you may want to wait a week or so after and just drop her a nice friendly e-mail. Apologies can come later if she responds.
M & M. Jan 5, 2008, 9:28pm EST
I think you should send her a card for her birthday. It is up to her to accept it or not. Otherwise you will always be stuck in this emotional battle about it.
Good luck sugar.
Janice V. Jan 5, 2008, 9:31pm EST
Yes, write her. It's the nice thing to do. It's up to her to make the next move. At least you let her know that you are thinking of her. Let the past die and start a new friendship.
Toni V. Jan 5, 2008, 9:34pm EST
I think a birthday card would be nice and like Brian said, apologies can come later if they are needed.
Karen M. Jan 5, 2008, 9:34pm EST
It isn't even in expectation of friendship...I have just ALWAYS felt that she deserved an apology....even what was not my fault....wasn't HERS.....
It is never too late to say you are sorry. Although I would not do anything on her birthday. No need to bring up bad memories on what should be a special day for her.
Nanci B Jan 5, 2008, 9:39pm EST
There is never a downside to being courteous. Neither of you has to go anywhere else with it if you don't want to but if you miss this date, you'll have to wait another entire year.
Sarah-jane C. Jan 5, 2008, 9:43pm EST
if this would make you feel better than go for it. Even though it's been so long it might do her good to hear it also. Who knows you could become the best of friends in the future.
sharon SugarMomma is a wise woman, Jan 5, 2008, 9:59pm EST
Sure send her a card and an apology, just make it simple. Don't expect to be friends again though. Been there, done that, doesn't work. People change and go their separate ways and that's all part of life.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do.
Cheryl B. Jan 5, 2008, 10:15pm EST
Contact her by sending her a birthday card. You never know until you try... What have you got to lose?!
Kelly M. Jan 5, 2008, 10:24pm EST
I would reach out to her.
Marianne R. Jan 5, 2008, 10:28pm EST
Email her and wish her a happy birthday. OPen a dialog with her and see where that goes and then if you have the opportunity, appologise for your part in the rift.
Robin L. Jan 5, 2008, 10:57pm EST
I agree with Marianne send her an email and wish her a happy birthday - say what you but keep it light. Just from my own experiences it's not very likely that you will ever have the same tight relationship so keep your expectations low. I've just found that you usually can't go back, it's possible to have a new type of friendship but after 15 years you are both different people and unless you happen to have taken similar paths etc you probably won't have a lot in common anymore. At least you will know in your heart and be able to stop wondering and wishing you'd said you were sorry.
Deb J. Jan 5, 2008, 11:09pm EST
Follow your heart and what it tells you to do and what is your motive behind what you are doing. Do the kindest thing you can think of!
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Heather W. Jan 5, 2008, 11:20pm EST
I would contact her.
Austin Cushing Jan 5, 2008, 11:23pm EST
This comment is to let you know that this content has reached ten comments, and as such has been removed from Comment Speedway! Congratulations!
Allana G. Jan 5, 2008, 11:33pm EST
I'm not so sure that saying "Sorry" on her birthday is a bad idea. You two were good friends, and despite the pain of the parting, she probably thinks back on the loss of your friendship with regret. Telling her that you are sorry would be a gift to her. I think that it is a great idea. Since you have no expectations, and just want to give her what you feel is a well-deserved apology, then by all means write to her. Drop her an email. If she sees who it is from, she may elect to read it after her birthday. In my opinion, I think she will open it and will be glad to have it.
Rob Appell Jan 5, 2008, 11:42pm EST
A birthday wish, an apology and some from-the-heart feelings may just be the thing to rekindle an old friendship. If nothing else, you got it off your mind and now the ball is in the coach's court. Maybe she's wondered what happened and will appreciate knowing...maybe she's missed you, too, and would relish the chance to get back together if you were that close. Bottom line...it's what you want. Are you doing it just to get rid of your guilt...or are you doing it because you really want her back as a friend. If the latter is the case, do your part, but don't expect too much in return as it may not turn out the way you want. I say go for it. I wish I knew where a couple of my old friends from school were so I could have them as close friends back in my life once again.
CyberGwen ! Jan 6, 2008, 1:00am EST
I think it would be nice to receive a note or card like that from someone in my past. I wouldn't say much, just that you remembered that it was her birthday and thought of her. All of the rehashing could wait until she was ready to respond.
Mary K. Jan 6, 2008, 1:04am EST
This happened to me once. A girl who was mean to me in school later apologized for her actions. We were never friends but it was a nice gesture.
I think it depends on how long time has passed and whether you both have moved on.
Angie O. Jan 6, 2008, 1:19am EST
Well I had a situation that I recently contacted someone who used to be my best friend years ago and it ended badly and I really did not get out of the conversation what I expected. Just be careful whatever you do and be prepared for old memories, or feelings cropping up. Good luck.
Tina b. Jan 6, 2008, 2:46am EST
I would send her an e-card or at least an email.
Amanda "middle of nowhere" C. Jan 6, 2008, 9:51am EST
If it was on my mind that much, I would send her a card or give her a call. Her response will tell you rather to pursue it or just close the door on that part of your life.
denise e Jan 6, 2008, 6:00pm EST
reach out to her
Karolyn Q. Jan 7, 2008, 7:05am EST
You should let her know you are thinking of her.

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Heather C. Jan 7, 2008, 10:02pm EST
I am so glad you decided to try to reconnect!

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