Health and Weight

Have you noticed all of the weight loss/exercises commercials on television, in newspapers, and even in the mail? Ack! They are all about to drive me crazy! I hate the way media steps in and trys to make us all feel like we are the scum of the earth if we don't match a certain set of ideals.

I don't even watch the commercials! I have a DVR so that I can record a show and skip through the commercials. I have to watch enough to know when to stop forwarding. Even that is enough to haunt my dreams. I had a dream last night in which I was in tears. I was on the phone with my doctor -- who, in the dream, was Laila Ali. (Laila is Muhammid Ali's daughter. She's a boxer and appeared on Dancing With the Stars. And, personally, I think she's gorgeous.)

I was telling Laila that I couldn't find clothes to fit me. She said, "Someone your size, size 16, should be able to find plenty of clothes to fit you." I responded with, "But, I'm not a size 16. I'm a size 24! Honestly, do you think there's any hope for me? Is there anything out there that works? Is there an exercise program that, when combined with healthy eating, would allow me to lose weight?"

There was a pause and then Laila "my doctor" said, "You're making me cry here. I wish there was something I could tell you." Then she started listing off all the crazy diet and exercise plans I've been seeing and saying how all of them do not work. My dream ended there when my alarm clock went off.

I have tried many diets. I can lose weight, but the weight comes back on and I end up heavier than when I started. I have read about this and it's all about the body feeling as if it just went through a famine and must put on extra weight to protect itself from the next famine. Some people's systems are like this. Others are not.

I watched a documentary on weight loss a few months ago. A doctor who has done significant research on weight loss said that it would be a super-human feat for someone who has been heavy since birth to lose weight and keep it off. They have discovered that the gut sends out its own hormones and has an impact on how the body holds on to or lets go of weight. It's wired differently for someone like me, who has been heavy since Kindergarten.

I know that diets don't work for me. I know that exercise doesn't have an impact. I've tried it. I spent a summer doing intense water aerobics. I spent months at the gym. I have bought exercise equipment and have used it, faithly. My body doesn't change significantly. I may lose an inch here or there, but that's about it.

So, I know this about myself. I wish that were enough to stop the people who hound me about my weight -- including my real doctor who sent me a flier about a new weight-loss plan. When I asked her in the office about statistics on how many people KEEP the weight off, she could tell me it was 50%, but couldn't tell me for how LONG they kept the weight off.

One of these days, probably not in my lifetime, people will come to understand that someone can be overweight and healthy -- my heart is good, my blood pressure and cholesterol levels are great, I have nothing significantly wrong with me.

I have lived with the prejudice of size all of my life. It's time for me to tune out all the messages the media bombards me with and learn to love the skin I'm in. This is me.  Love me as I am. If you're going to judge me based on my size, that's says more about you than it does about me. My size is my business. It doesn't tell you anything more about who I am than my eye color.

This year, instead of focusing on losing weight, I will focus on being the healthiest person I can be. And I will resolve to accept my limitations and love myself as I am.