Friday Funnies

A couple funnies from my email...

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Sunbathing:

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way  up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun  when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out  of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a  bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see  me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight." 

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Lost Phone

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice
that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I
had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going
to tell anybody about this!"