hi pals,
Hey pals,
As it turns out, not everyone has the day off. So here's a bit of humor expecially for those of you who had to get up today. Remember, your pets celebrate New Years Day too.
Enjoy,
Excerpts from a dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Diary Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fedhash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for therations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order tokeep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream ofescape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearlydemonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely madecondescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I wasplaced in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that myconfinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what thismeans, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of mytormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try thisagain tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - andseems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. Thebird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with theguards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captorshave arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he issafe. For now... The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. - Austin
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