Anger and Resentment are on my plate today!

Jealousy and anger have a hold on me today, and I am really struggling with it at the moment; I mean, REALLY struggling.  My boyfriend's sister is in the hospital right now having her baby, and while there is a part of me that is thrilled for her and her husband, it is also a sore subject for me.  Her whole pregnancy has been like this for me, because everyone is so excited about her having a baby that it makes me feel like crap because no one was particularly excited about Owen's birth; he is 19 months old now, so it isn't as if this happened yesterday.  However, I don't think I really knew how much it bothered me until these last few days.

For a little bit of history, Steve and I are not married, nor do we have any intention at this time of getting married. We don't even live together. Also, we had not been dating very long before I got pregnant with Owen.  His family is ultra-religious, which is a big part of why they have reacted the way they have.  I mean, not one member of Steve's family even CAME to my baby shower (held, I might add, by the women of MY church!), and his mom's excuse was, "I am just too embarrassed because people will think badly of me that Steve hasn't married you." Because of course it IS all about HER, you know.  They did come to the hospital to see us after I had him, but not one of the offered to be there with me, not one offered to come stay with me after I had him, not one of them called to see how we were doing in those first days home from the hospital.  I did get a few gifts from them, but nothing especially nice or overwhelming; your basic baby shower gifts like you get for the girl in the office you don't really know but are expected to buy for.

But Heather: wow.  You would think that she is the first woman on earth to have a baby.  I mean, she gets the daily phone calls, the offers of help, and I know for a fact that her parents have already spent a LOT of money on the little girl that will be born today.  And while I understand that Heather is their daughter and I am not, Steve IS their son and Owen is no less their grandchild than Lux will be.  Maybe that is part of what bothers me, too; she is getting all of this sympathy because she has had a somewhat difficult pregancy, but when I started bleeding badly when I was three months along with Owen, not a single person even offered to bring dinner over.  So I bled and cooked for my three other kids and bled some more while I cleaned the house and did laundry, bled when I got up to go to work every day; thankfully, I didn't lose Owen, but I really don't think anyone would have cared.  In fact, I think a good part of the family secretly hoped I would lose him.

I know I am being petty; they have all been really good to us in some ways, inclusing my three older kids.  We are included in the family gatherings, my kids are welcomed just like everyone else's, and I think a lot of that has to do with them realizing that I am not the slut they thought I was to start with.  I have worked really hard to become accepted by them, and I DO love them.  In this particular instance, though, I am angry after the fact, and hurt, and SO resentful.  The only way to get this out is to get it out, so here I am on Gather, venting.  It doesn't cahnge anything, and it doesn't make it go away, but it sure makes it easier to deal with.