A Christmas Eve Remembrance

I met my friend Becky when my family moved to Indianapolis, Indiana after my Dad's job transferred him there. We were twelve years old, in middle school and met on our lunch break. We were the best of friends from that day until she passed last Christmas Eve 2006. My husband and I were just in town one month before celebrating her forty-eighth birthday and mine followed two weeks later. Yes, our birthdays were exactly two weeks apart and I never let her forget that she was two weeks older than me. In fact in our last conversation together, I teased her about us turning fifty in a couple of years and that Iwould have to call her and she would have to tell me how it was to be fifty!

Becky and I were so much alike. We loved to do nice things for people and would give you the shirt off our back if it would help you and make you happy. We always thought how great it would be to have money and do all kinds of nice things for our family and friends. It was fun to dream! We laughed how we must surely be the black sheep of our families. Poor in money, but so rich in the love of our spouses and families.

We were normal kids growing up and getting into all kinds of trouble. I'm sure our parent's more than once shook their heads when they saw us together and wondered what we were up to now! I remember when we once went horseback riding in Brown County State Park in Indiana and Becky's horse ran away with her when the trail forked. I laughed so hard I almost fell off my horse. I can still hear her yelling HELPPPPP as she disappeared down the trail! That was what our friendship was about, laughter! We were always laughing and playfully hitting, slapping and kicking at each other.

Even though I grew up in Indy, it wasn't my home. I followed my parent's back up to the Chicago area when my Dad was transferred back there in 1980. But I waited until after Becky's wedding because I wanted to be there for her and I was in her wedding after all. Did I mention that we were both clumsy too? How we got her cake to the church in one piece I'll never know. Becky tripped when we were carrying one of the larger layers into the church, oh my! There we were laughing our sides off again!

It wasn't all laughter, there were tears too. We cried over the loss of loved ones and beloved pets. I remember when Becky called me from the hospital when she was having problems with her pregnancy and had her son Brandon two months premature. I was so worried for the both of them and was so in awe when I held Brandon in my arms two months later, when he should have been born. I never saw a prouder mother with such love in her eyes for her little baby boy. Then, three years ago this Christmas, I received the letter from Becky that she was diagnosed with cancer that past May. I read it over and over in total disbelief. I called her right away and we cried and cried together. I'm not going to go into the grim details of her fight with cancer, but the cancer finally spread to her lungs and that is what took her from us.

I don't think that Becky and I could have been closer if we were born sisters. Don't they say that friends are the family we choose? I want to tell you what happened that final day/night that we shared together. It was amazing and shows the love we had foreach other. It was a Saturday and I was waiting for my husband Bob to get home from work. He works at a bank so he works a half day on Saturday and it seems that everything was going wrong that day. I finally called him at a meeting that was going on after his work day ended. I begged him to come home and that I had heard from Becky's sister Bev again and we had to leave now! He came immediately home and we grabbed some food and off we went to Indy. Thanks to our friend Danielle we were able to go and not have to worry about our dogs, she took care of them for us. I told Bob that I would drive since I have the heavy foot in the family and that he could drive home. I think that was the longest trip of my life, I couldn't get down there fast enough. Bev called a couple of times asking where we were and how much longer we might be so I knew it was bad. When we got there the hospital was so silent so you can imagine how I felt when I got closer to the room that Becky was in and heard crying. I stopped and said please God; don't let her be gone, not now after all we did to get here. I told her I would always be there for her. I moved on to the room and it was full of family. I could see that everyone was happy that I finally arrived and hugged her brothers as I walked into the crowd to get to her bed. There was her sister Bev announcing to Becky that I was here. I was at her bedside for most of the evening, holding her hand or touching her face or arm. She was drugged to keep her comfortable and not conscious so I wanted her to hear my voice and feel my touch and know that I was with her. I know she knew I was there, I could feel it. And I don't care what anyone says, but I know she tried to kick me when I was sitting talking with Bev at the foot of her bed. Two times she tried and it made me laugh that she was kicking at me to let me know that she knew I was there. The bond of friendship is very strong and I will never be able to explain it in a million years. I've never experienced a loss this strong, it cut so deep, there are things we shared that we only shared with each other and now that is gone.

Shortly after midnight, it was now Christmas Eve morning, I turned to my husband Bob and said I think we need to get home. Almost everyone had gone for the night except for the ones that were staying at the hospital that night, two of which were Rich, Becky's husband, always sitting at her side and her sister Bev. I told them that we were going to leave and they asked if I wanted to be alone with her, but I told them I had already said my good bye in her ear. I had gone over to her and told her that I know she didn't want me to leave, she always said that to me every time I had to leave her, but we needed to get home so we could get some sleep and go to Christmas Eve service that night. I told her it is time for her to go home and spend Christmas in heaven. I told her I loved her very much and asked her to find our dog Dallas when she got to heaven, he had passed in October, and give him a big hug and kiss and tell him his Mommy and Daddy love him and miss him very much. I kissed her on the head and told her I loved her once more, we never parted without saying those words to each other, and then we said our good byes to the remaining family and left.

When we were finally alone, I broke down and cried in my husbands arms. I knew that I would never see Becky alive again. We drove home two very exhausted people. I tried so hard to keep myself awake for the long ride home, but kept dosing off. Bob said not to worry since he knew how mentally and physically exhausted I must be. I dosed off and found myself back in the hospital room with Becky, just the two of us. I walked up to her reaching out to her and she opened her eyes and looked at me. She was her beautiful self again, before the cancer. I jerked awake, sat up in my seat and turned to Bob and said that Becky was all right now. I told him of my dream and I think we were both very moved. It isn't unusual for things like this to happen to me and it was such a blessing to see her whole again, a true comfort. We finally got home in the early morning and let the dogs out. I remember looking at the clock before we went out. We were standing outside looking at the beautiful night sky and praying that Becky would find peace.

The next morning when I finally woke up I went to check the phone since we had turned the phones down so we wouldn't be woken up by someone calling us too early. There was a call from Bev and I called her back. She told me that Becky had passed and I asked her what time and found that it was five minutes after we got home and were standing outside looking at the night sky. I asked her to keep in touch about the funeral arrangements and hung up. Bob came out and I told him the news. He sat down hard and he tried to talk, but his voice cracked. I sat down too and told him to take his time. He told me that when I would dose in the car on the drive home last night, he felt like someone was watching over him with a hand on his shoulder making sure he wouldn't fall asleep. We looked each other in the eyes and I told him it was Becky and he nodded his head yes. I told him that she was making sure that we got home safe before she passed on and we cried together.

That's the love of friends reaching out to each other; it isunexplainable, but true. I have a picture of Becky and I that my brother took of us the year before she passed, framed and sitting with my other family pictures on our entertainment cabinet. Whenever it catches my eye as I pass I blow a kiss and say, I love you Becky. I gave her a Vermont Teddy bear the Christmas before she passed and was going to ask Rich, her husband, if I could have it, but I forgot when I was there for the funeral. I wish I had it to hug everytime I thought of her and have it sitting with our picture. I just hope it's in good hands and hasn't gotten lost in the shuffle.

I promised myself that I would spend every Christmas Eve remembering my beloved friend with laughter and good memories, not sadness. When I think of all the laugher we shared all our lives together, how can I be sad?! I love you Becky!