Rick's party and he cried cause he wanted to!

Okay so before HE tells everyone I thought I'd embarass myself without his help. To begin with, let it be known that I am not a drinker. I did that in my younger years, but I hardly ever drink alcohol. So I decided for Rick's belated birthday party yesterday I was going to throw the perverbial sheets to the wind and say F*** it I'm getting smashed!

We had some of his friends over and some of my friends over. I started drinking a little after noon (It was 5 o'clock somewhere to quote Alan Jackson). I drank way too much way too fast without having hardly ANYTHING to eat. I started with a Bacardi wine cooler thing then quickly downed 2 22 ounce jack and cherry pepsis and 2 same size captain morgan and cherry pepsi. I was wasted, and there was only one person here at that point besides me and Rick. It was GREAT 8)

I realized that I was drunk way too fast and stopped drinking. I had some water and a glass of pop, and tried to eat something, but I couldn't get much down. I did however sober up, and then my friends got there so well... I started drinking again. Now for those of you who don't drink - I'm happy for you. Believe me I should learn that I should not drink. But for the PURE humor of it all I will quickly go over the "ins and outs" of MY party experience.

1) I was feeling no pain and the phone rang. I can't even tell you WHO called, but the phone was by me SO... I screamed "I'll get it" *sigh* FAMOUS LAST WORDS. I grabbed the phone and although I would NEVER be able to do it again SOMEHOW I catapulted it into the air where it did a few somersaults and landed with a thud (actually I'm not sure because it hurt to much for me to HEAR it land) on the bridge of my nose. Tears welled up but I was laughing so hard someone ELSE (I think my husband) had to actually ANSWER the phone because I couldn't talk. Today, by the yellow gleam of Walmart bathroom lights, I saw the GORGEOUS set of black eyes forming that tell me that YES folks. I think my nose is BROKEN! GO DRUNKEN SANDRA CHICK POINT #1. Oh yeah thank GOODNESS my glasses did not get harmed in any way shape or form!

2) Rick's friend Buddy decided to "learn" me how to play this neat drinking game that I had watched on another occasion but not participated in. It is called "drunk driver" BUT before anyone yells. It is a card game and DOES NOT involve any type of car (although I think I will next time play it by pushing a hot wheel around the cards instead of the way it is *supposed* to be played - it will be much SAFER for me that way!). You are dealt 14 cards - you turn them over one by one. If you get a Jack - that is one drink and you get another card. A queen is 2, king is 3, ace is 4 and the two jokers are 5. I wasn't doing bad UNTIL I got the first joker - 5 drinks and 5 cards added on. I turn the next 2 cards - no problem, and THEN I realize that Buddy has STACKED the deck (that is MY story and I am sticking to it) as I turn over THE OTHER FREAKING JOKER. I did not finish the game as I had already drank a 44 ounce vodka and sprite and was almost done with my second 44 ounce drink when I discovered my arm did NOT want to cooperate and turn the freaking cards over. So when I turned up my BEST friend - joker - again I stopped. Oh yes that DOES mean I went through the whole freaking deck by the way... twice. I am not a pansy!!! YAY 8) (When Rick played he went through the deck 3 and a half times before we said he had to stop).

3) This is the one I'm REALLY not proud of but I'm sure SOMEONE will laugh. If no one else, it will be my husband because he had to clean my mess up! I decided that 11:30pm and way too many drinks in me was the PERFECT time to hang Christmas lights on the outside of my house. I had won some of those cool icicle lights at work's Christmas party, so I took them outside - along with 3 people who were going to "help" me. I hung the lights up on a plant hook on my front porch and then on the second plant hook a few feet away from the first. I looked for where to plug the lights in, but could not find it, so I took the *boy* end and plugged it into the *girl* end. (You know, the prong end and the end where you can plug in another strand of lights?) It made a pretty heart shape on my porch. We went inside and I decided to see how my display turned out so I started flipping switches by the door to get the lights to come on but for SOME reason they would NOT come on. Go figure!

4) And as if THAT wasn't bad enough... Buddy went outside to smoke (I don't let anyone smoke in my house I'm a mean person), and Rick went out with him. I was sitting by the window that looks out onto the front porch where they were. I would wave at Rick and mouth "I love you" and I guess Buddy had a *great* idea. I had just waved at Rick when I heard a knock on the window. I turned to look and there was Buddy, his black cowboy hat over his *waist* region. I screamed and pulled the shades shut. They came in and Buddy asked me if I liked his hat rack. I told him I thought he was wrong. Shortly later I went out (see #3) with my Christmas lights. While out there I tapped on the window and stuck my tongue out at Buddy. Then I guess the person inside shut the shade - which I didn't know. So I dropped my sweat pants and shot Buddy the moon. But I guess he didn't see it because the shade was shut... dangit.

Okay! Well now I've typed it all and I'm a goober I'm sure but I hope someone enjoys it.

Merry Christmas everybody!