Waiting for death to arrive(with a big stick in hand)

   Its amazing how one phone call can change your life so drastically. One phone call brought many happy plans to a screaching halt. I had promised myself that this year would be different from last year. I didn't want to be happy last year due to many bad things happening in my life. This year was going to be different. I had high hopes and felt that nothing could stand in my way. That was until the phone rang.

   It happened on December 8th just about 5 minutes after I posted my Christmas card to my Gather friends. I remember being so excited that I found the card I had been looking for.  It is my favorite card. I was sitting here waiting for comments from people who liked it too. The first phone call wasn't too bad but it left some unsettled feelings of doubt. It was my boyfriends sister. She was calling to say that she was taking her dad to the hospital. He was having trouble breathing and possibly had pneumonia. No big deal. A few days of antibiotics and he should be feeling better. We should be okay sticking with our plans of taking my son Christmas shopping and later, attending a Christmas party. I awoke my boyfriend to tell him what was going on but told him his sister had everything under control. We have cell phones just in case they might need to call us while we were doing our Christmas things.

   The second call came about an hour later. They were admitting him for a few days. I thought it was best because he tends to not always take good care of himself. In the past year and a half, he has survived colon cancer and liver cancer. I swear he is a cat with nine lives. By this time my boyfriend had gotten up. I being the night owl, went off to bed.

   I laid in bed hoping that this wouldn't ruin our Christmas plans. Selfish thoughts, I know, but I had so hoped for a good Christmas this year. I heard the phone ring again. It wasn't long before my boyfriend came into the bedroom crying. The phone was still up to his ear. I don't recall much of his words but I got up and began to find some clothes. He hung up the phone and began to tell me what was going on. I knew it was bad but I was not prepared for what I heard. He said that his father was dying. His only kidney had quit working. He did not have pneumonia or any other mild ailment. His life was ending or so we thought.

   We had several phone calls to make before we left for the hospital. I listened as my boyfriend broke down each time. My heart ached for him but there was really nothing I could do except gently touch him to let him know I would be there for him. I had already gone through this with my dad, so I knew what he was going through.

   The ride to the hospital seemed like it took a long time but it was only about 15 minutes. I remember hoping that he would still be alive when we got there. Random little thoughts popped in and out of my head, like "Can't we go faster dear?" and "Did I remember to shut off the coffee pot. But my mind kept going back to the previous weekend. Tom's dad had called on both Saturday and Sunday morning to see if we wanted to go for breakfast. It was an event that happened quite often on the weekends. I don't usually go but Tom does. This particular weekend, Tom didn't go. He had planned on going this weekend with him. When the phone rang that morning, I expected it to be Tom's dad asking if we would like to go get some coffee. I wish it would have been. Back in the truck, I kept thinking about this and wondered if we lost a chance to spend some time with his dad. We might not be having coffee with him ever again. I knew this thought was going through Tom's head too.

   We arrived at the hospital and I was scared at what we might be going in to. The receptionist told us where to go. I saw Tom's dad lying on the stretcher gasping for air and moaning in pain. There were many other family members there. I knew right away that this was very serious because usually they only let one person in the ER with each patient. There was 5 of us in there. They wanted to put a tube down his throat to help him breath but he refused it. He has a DNR(Do Not Resusitate) order in place and did not want to be kept alive on machines. Dialysis is also considered against the DNR but the doctor said he was too sick to even try it if we wanted to. They decided to admit him to the ICU(intensive care unit) and give him medicine with a small hope of him surviving.

   Many family members were sure this was the end. They even talked about funeral plans. For some reason, I never lost hope. I had a feeling that this tough old coot wasn't going to leave us just yet. As I stared down the hallway towards the ICU, I kept imagining a tall dark figure in a long black robe and a scythe in his hand, floating down the hall. I was ready to beat him with my big stick of hope. I was not ready to let go without a fight.

   We spent a long time waiting and during this time many thoughts wandered into my head, sometimes strange and selfish thoughts. Many of these thoughts connected to my own father. He died in that same hospital almost 4 years ago. We are very close to that "anniversary" day. I remember watching him suffer. I remember holding his hand as he was taking his last breath. All those memories came flooding back to me. I also thought about how the Christmas spirit that I had fought so hard for, was suddenly yanked away from me. I had hoped that this year would be different from last year. I was so miserable, I didn't even put up a tree. I pledged that this year was going to be different. We even got the tree up early and I was slowly decorating it and the room it was in. But things don't always go as planned and now my Christmas spirit was severely wounded. No Christmas parties, no baking cookies, no putting up my icicle lights on the front of the house, no driving around looking at the lights(except the ones we saw going to and from the hospital) and no watching Christmas specials on tv. I was able to watch a few in the waiting room, but it wasn't the same. I had many things to share with my Gather friends. I had planned several articles on different events in my area but I never got to do them. (I do have some articles and videos I want to share but I haven't had much time to finish them. I will be working on them soon.)

   The waiting was the worst part. The waiting room became our home away from home. We were close to the soda,coffee and munchie machines. And even a bathroom. A perfect spot. We sometimes ordered out and ate in the waiting room and sometimes we brought food from home. To help combat boredom, we even started doing jigsaw puzzles to pass the time.

Candy machine in the waiting room.

Soda and coffee machine right next to the bathroom. If you look to the left of the soda machine, thats the hallway I stared down a lot of the time.

Tom sitting trying to watch tv. You can see one of our puzzles on the table.

A closer view of one of the many puzzles we did.

 There were no decorations in the waiting room, so I suggested we bring a little tree in and decorate it. We needed some sense of normalcy in our life at this point. Here is our tree before and after we decorated it.

   A few days passed and a decision had to be made. Without dialysis, death was certain. No guarentees with it either but it was his only hope. Tom's brother is the main one in charge of the father's affairs. After discussing it with the rest of the family, they decided to ask the father what he wanted to do. Luckily he was alert enough to make the right decision. He decided to try the dialysis for a week and if he decided that he couldn't live that way, they would stop. Death would arrive within a few weeks, maybe days. The family agonized over that decision. The dialysis itself, could have caused death. His heart started acting up. The older brother started doubting the decision, maybe they should have just let him go. Thinking back, I am so glad they made that decision. You will find out a bit later in the story.

   It was a big emotional rollercoater ride. One day we had good news and lots of hope and the next day something bad would happen. I remember one day, one of the ICU nurses came out to talk to us. The father wanted to stop everything but they said that he wasn't in the right state of mind to make that decision. She told us that she has never seen a person's blood levels that high, sorry, I can't remember what the name was, I think it was creatine or something like that. She also told us that they never expected him to live. I believe that it was a miracle that he survived. She gave us hope, something I always had but she reinforced it for me.

   After about 2 weeks in the ICU, he was moved to a regular room. I remember it was a Monday, the day the doctor said that if he hadn't produced any urine by that day, the kidney was most likely gone and he would need dialysis the rest of his life. For some reason, I was alone in the room with him. He said he had to go to the bathroom. He had said this before and they usually give him the urinal but nothing happens. But this day was different. Sorry to be so blunt but....He peed!!!!!! I almost started crying. I went looking for Tom to tell him the good news. Then we called everyone we knew to tell them that Tom's father peed. You would have thought someone won the lottery that day.

   The doctor ordered a CAT scan to see if there was something wrong with the kidney. I don't know why they didn't do it sooner. It turns out that a kidney stone was blocking the duct. The urine could not get to the bladder and it was backing up into his bloodstream. Had they not decided to do dialysis, a kindey stone would have been the cause of his death.

    We are not out of the woods yet. There have been a few complications. He developed a MRSA infection and another infection. He also has fluid in his lungs, which they are trying to get out. He ended up back in the ICU for a few days but he is now back in a regular room. He told me he was afraid to go to sleep because he always wakes up somewhere different. LOL. He also has 3 bedsores, one of which is very bad and may take 6 months to a year to heal. They will not release him until the one on his behind is healed. Its in a very bad spot and they have talked about putting in a temporary colostomy just to keep that area clean. His protein levels are very low. They are working to get that back up. They have not removed the stone yet because he is not stable enough, but they have a tube in the kidney to drain the urine. His kidney levels are almost back to normal which means the kidney is functioning. There is hope that they will be able to remove the stone next week, maybe Wednesday. We still have a long road ahead of us but at least now the path is brighter.

   Here are some pictures of the new waiting room. Its much smaller than the ICU one and there are no junk food machines around but I know where to find one if I need it. LOL

 Looking out the door at the elevators.

One final picture of Tom walking towards the hospital.

   A special note to my connections..... I consider all of you very important. I am sorry I haven't been around much. I do log in everyday and I look at all the things you've posted. I just don't have much energy to comment. I made up a generic comment so you would at least know I was there but Gather said that is against the TOS. But I do look at everything and leave a 10 in hopes that it helps you in some way. If there is something you want me to comment on thats very important to you, please tell me either in a comment or send me a private message. No need to make a link. I will find it. I don't know when I will be back to Gather full time again, hopefully soon. I miss you all and I don't want to lose any of you. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a Happy New Year. I also posted a picture of Tom's father asking for prayers.  If you have the time, could you please say a prayer or whatever you do in times like these. I would really appreciate it. Also, I will be posting my boring Christmas videos and article in the near future. I was able to have some normal Christmas time and I am grateful for that.

   One more thing, my boyfriend is also a member of Gather. He just doesn't get the computer much. LOL. If you want to show him some Gather love, you can find him here. Thanks for reading