We had an ice storm recently. For anyone unfamiliar with this type of event, it can leave the streets, trees and anything (or anyone) left outside coated with a sheet of ice. If you can imagine ice skating anytime you step outside, even if you don't know how, that is pretty much the way things are. You can melt it but if the weather is cold enough, it'll just refreeze.
If the storm is bad enough, it is safest to stay inside. Of course, few teenagers agree. After all, there is all that ice just waiting to be explored.
Here are the top things we did not agree to let a pack of teenagers do at our home. Why? Because I had visions of rising homeowner's insurance premiums dancing in my head, along with sugarplums and whatever other seasonal delights were in there (probably because I'd had a nice glass of REAL eggnog, alcohol and all, first).
Without further ado, the list, in no particular order:
1. We did not let them sled off the roof to see if a sled would go farther if rocketed from a ice-covered roof. If there'd been actual snow down there, well...but there wasn't so why go there? Who knows which neighbor's roof - or window- they'd have crashed onto or through? They wanted to find out. We didn't. We are pretty sure the neighbors would agree.
2. We did not let them lick the metal basketball goal with their tongues to see if that part of A Christmas Story, the movie, was true. You know, the part where some kid takes on a dare or a double or Triple Dog Dare and actually does it? We knew their tongues WOULD stick to the cold metal. THe teens didn't believe us. We had been teens ourselves once and at least one of us (the male spouse) had tried it. Tongues stick to cold metal. They hurt afterwards, too. Plenty.
3. We did not get talked into letting them sled behind our cars as we drove on the icy roads. We weren't going to drive on the icy roads anyway. We didn't want to skate on the stuff so why would we want our cars to skate on it?
4. We did not let them try and climb the ice-covered trees to see how "far up they could get" before it got too slippery. We had a feeling the branches would start breaking immediately - mainly because they were already breaking. The power was out, another sign that those branches were't exactly sticking to the trees the way they usually did. No point irritating the ones who were still hanging in there.
5. We were not convinced that "all good parents" would let teens practice driving on ice-covered streets as a first step towards driver's education even though they assured us that we, the parents, would be "right there" as backup...so what could possibly go wrong?
As if that line of reasoning was likely to reassure us and convince us to get in the car with some teens who'd never driven before (well, there was that one time my mother, in her 90s, let my son talk her into "practice driving" with her, but the road wasn't icy and they only hit a sapling, not a "real" tree, according to my mother).
I'm not supposed to count that previous driving event as a real practice, according to my son and mother, mainly because the car stopped so quickly due to the small sapling. For a small sapling, it sure left a large dent in the car. I think my mother is going through her second or third bout of puberty - in her 90s. Thank goodness she was not in charge during the ice storm.
6. We did not let them go out on the ice covered roof, even though this time they'd be doing it without sleds so it'd be " much, much safer" than the sledding idea (see number 1 above) . An ice covered roof with a steep slope, I hasten to add. Besides, the window to the roof was frozen shut
7. We didn't let them turn the side yard into an ice skating rink. Why? Because the meter man could arrive any day - and the cable guy and the postman, none of whom would (probably) be wearing ice skates but would be able to find a lawyer's number in a phone book so they could sue us. Probably in a group action lawsuit - with our luck. Also, the side yard already was an ice skating rink - or enough of one for us.
So there's my list. Anyone have THEIR list? We did allow them to play board games, stuff themselves silly with food and have a great time - inside.
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Comments: 52
Thanks for bringing that memory back.
I am out to wish all my friends here on gather the best holiday season ever!
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Merry Christmas...
Your list reminds me of the time that my dad had to explain to me why it wasn't a good idea to climb up on our tile roof and cannonball into the pool. It wasn't, he said, because he lacked the faith that I could make it, he was worried about me cracking the roof tiles!
Thank goodness he had the boxer with him, the dog probably would have saved him.
Oh, wait, you wrote that he was was " wearing only his boxers". Well, at least he had those on. Imagine if he hadn't. In this case, I am relieved that your sentence didn't end this way:
"without even his boxers on.."
I'd have been tempted to take some artistic license and write that. It is such a vivid image :)
As they hit puberty, there is a formula that is way too complicated for me to figure out that has to do with hormones and brain cells. They become risk-takers. I think it is nature's way of thinning the herd and leaving only the smartest ones behind (which is fine by me, just not on MY property - or homeowner's insurance).
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We had a really bad mid-Oct freak ice storm one year. My poor Father went to work anyway and left for work practically in the middle of the night so that he could get there on time.
Well much to his surprise, as he was driving down the road, an ice covered tree branch fell from the sky, crashed through his windshield, and through his dashboard destroying his heater/air conditioner, and radio. He wasn't hurt at all, just startled LOL.
Whatever you do don't let them use the ice covered telephone lines as a zip line. They may think they'll slide faster, but in reality the lines will just snap.
I'll wear that scarlet letter of shame with pride and how come that child on your shoulders is wearing clothing and you are holding him so responsibly with BOTH hands? Huh? I smell a responsible parent behind your veneer, sir.
What about riding their bikes or skateboards on the ice? Have they no imagination? Surely those activities could have provided hours of fun, uh, well until they broke something.
Your comment made writing that piece completely worthwhile!
(:
Frankly, I was a wilder child than either of mine in many respects. (a very good thing)
I do remember my son as a toddler, constantly jumping off things, sometimes getting cut or bruised and bleeding. It seemed all I had to do was turn my back for a moment and he was flying. And I was the only one who ever cried about it.
As for teenagers, I know what it is that makes them want to do these adventurous, albeit dangerous things.
During those heady teenage years, they feel driven to test their boundries.
And one of the reasons why they show no fear (and not too much sense either) is because (in my opinion) they feel INVINCEABLE. At that stage of life, death from Any source seems so distant and far from their reality.
At 51, sometimes I wish I had that No Fear attitude more often.
But then, I think I'd rather be alive.
You can only tempt fate so often before it bytes you on the bottom!
Great article, I love reading you J C!
I'd rather be alive too and I want them to be alive as well. (:
Their impulses sometimes rule over their instinct for survival.