Returning to work from maternity leave is a bittersweet time in your new life as a mom. Not only are you coping with the changes to your body, to your emotions, and to your routine, but you have a new relationship with your baby, which is probably still in that "honeymoon" phase. You are very likely feeling torn between your many obligations at home, and those to your employer. Take a deep breath, and understand that you can do this. All it takes is a little planning on your part, and deciding ahead of time how you will handle situations that will arise.
First, understand that life is not really about multi-tasking and "having it all." Get that ideal out of your head, because it is one that you will not be able to live up to. Your key to happiness is not in being everything to everyone, but in focusing on just one thing at a time, so that you give your very best to each role in your life. For example, when you are at home, be at home. Turn off your cell phone. Do not check your work email. Do not work at home unless absolutely necessary. Your baby and the rest of your family need you to focus on them, to relax, and to enjoy being together. Conversely, when you are at work, be at work. Don't call in to check on the baby unless absolutely necessary, and ask your caregiver not to call you unless it is an emergency. Try not to start every water cooler conversation with a story about what your baby is doing now. Keep the display of personal photos in your workspace to a minimum, and do NOT whip out the photo album of baby pictures unless specifically asked by a co-worker. Focus on your work so that your boss and coworkers see that you are as dedicated to your job as you were before you became a mom.
Next, decide how you will handle the unexpected situations. Realize that although something may be "urgent," it is not necessarily an "emergency." Decide ahead of time which situations will require your immediate attention, and which can be delegated. Here are some situations that are very likely to pop up, and how you can handle each of them.
If your baby is sick, obviously someone must be there to take care of her. If you are using a daycare, the baby will probably need to stay home until well, which means you or your spouse must care for her. Just remember that although you are both equally worried about a sick baby, in reality, only one of you needs to stay home at a time. See if you can alternate who stays home with the baby until she is well. Let your employer know you have this arrangement, so they understand that everyone is compromising to take care of the situation. See if working from home for a few days is a possibility. This is one situation where you will probably need to play the Mommy Card, but help your employer see that although you can handle these times with minimal impact on your work schedule, your child takes first priority.
If your baby has a routine doctor's appointment, you should not need to play the Mommy Card. It is recommended that both you and your spouse attend such appointments, at least until your child is old enough to see the pediatrician only once per year. (Plan to do so for the first couple of years.) Your pediatrician will be checking for various milestones, and your child's progress against them. It helps to have two sets of ears listening to what he or she is saying; as one of you may pick up on things the other may miss. Fortunately, these kinds of appointments are planned far in advance, so you have the opportunity to schedule them for a time when they will have minimal impact on your work schedule.
At work, you will have evenings when you will be expected to work late. When you know about them ahead of time, you can plan accordingly. After all, there will be many nights in the years ahead when you will be able to tuck your baby into bed, so missing a few every once in a while will leave no lasting damage. When you find out you need to work late with very short notice, you must carefully weigh the pros and cons before deciding one way or another. If there is someone at home who can put the baby to bed for you, then you probably should not play the Mommy Card this time. However, if no one else is available, you have no other choice. Explain to your employer that your childcare situation requires you to be home by a certain time that day. Hopefully you will be able to remind your boss about other times when you have stayed late, because you had alternate arrangements available.
As your baby grows, and if he attends a daycare or preschool, you will start to have parent/teach conferences even before he moves on to elementary school. Fortunately, schools understand that parents work, so they are usually willing to give you options for scheduling these appointments. This is another situation where you may not need your Mommy Card, as you may be able to either meet during a lunch break, or after work, or you and your spouse can take turns attending.
Being a mom is your most important job. However, it is not your only job. You can meet your obligations both at home and at work by identifying your priorities ahead of time, taking each situation as they come on a case-by-case basis, and knowing when to play that Mommy Card. Remember that you cannot be everything to everyone at all times, or you run the risk of burning yourself out and not being of any use to anyone. Instead, focus on where you are, and your obligations in that place. Help your family learn that they will be able to count on you when you are needed, and help your co-workers and employer learn that you can be counted on at work. Help everyone understand that although you will only play that Mommy Card when you absolutely must, you will play that card and everyone must be respectful of that. Most of all enjoy your new mommy role!
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