I am always gobsmacked at how each Doomsday Cult can manage to be crazier than the last. The latest, the name of which I forget for the moment, led by a self appointed Messiah called Michael Travessor was the subject of a Channel 4 documentary this week.
First question, how does one become a self appointed messiah. Maybe there is a website, messiahs-R-us selling do it yourself messiah kits on line. We know that fundie preacher Ted Haggard, who was caught getting blow jobs of rent boys, studied divinity at Oral Roberts University. UK readers do not believe the top Baptist educational establishment in the U.S. Bible Belt is called Oral something. They think I made it up to slip in (oops, pardon!) whenever a fundie preachers was involved in a sex scandal. If that was true, it would be the most often used joke in history.
Anyway, back to the Doomsday Cult. Michael (66 or maybe 666) has a track record as a cult leader. He once led a breakaway from the Seventh Day Adventists. Back in those days he was called Wayne Bent and lived up to his name by proving to be bent as a Boxing Day turd (lovely phrase that) by embezzling all his followers funds.
Ah but that was Wayne, the new Messiah is Michael and, as if to prove they are two different people who have inhabited the same body, Michael is not interested in money but in sanctifying the female members of the cult. Having sex with him is like having sex with God you see. And apparently God likes under age virgins (that is no great secret of course, you only have to read the Bible to confirm it.)
Lack of virginity does not exclude female cult followers from being sanctified however. Michael likes to distribute his blessings equitably, in fact sometimes he is reluctant to have sex with certain women but God forces him to, as was the case of his "consummation" with his daughter - in - law.
MichaelÂ’s son strangely did not seem fazed as Dad told of the incident in his own inimitable style, which I shall now transpose in my own inimitable style.
Michael had told Cristina, his sonÂ’s wife to take off all her clothes and lie on the floor with her legs spread as this is the best position for receiving the Holy Spirit. Taking all his clothes off too, so that he could be closer to God, the Messiah began to pray for his daughter-in-law to be sanctified. Suddenly he felt a mighty force (the hand of God?) pushing down on him. Though he tried to resist, the force threw him to the floor roughly and as he landed on top of Cristina his penis was guided into her vagina by an angel. Michael felt uneasy about this and tried to withdraw his penis but the hand of God bore down on his arse and pushed him back in again. After this process had been repeated a few times both Michael and Cristina understood God wanted them to do the business and so they got on with the job with some vigour.
Michael had also gathered the cultÂ’s pubescent virgins, several at a time and asked them to get naked and lie on his bed with him if they wanted to be sanctified before the End Of The World. The girls all were willing and even begged this 66(6) year old man to give them the full sex experience but God told him it was not necessary in these cases, or al least that is what he said after an advisor reminded him he could go to prison if he admitted having sex with under age girls.
And so we move on to the reason for all this, the MessiahÂ’s wish to prepare his followers for The End Of The World. This momentous event happened, according to Michael, on 31 October 2007. At midnight Michael led his followers from their homes into the open to wait for God to raise them to heaven before destroying the world.
The stood, arms and faces raised to heaven, they prayed, they sang hymns... They prayed some more, they sang some more.
And then they all went home.
After this Michael became strangely reticent and sent a message to the film crew to the effect that as he and the remaining cultees, because a few still had not seen through the insanity of it all, could not talk to film crews as they, the cult, no longer had a life on this earth.
Yeah Right.
All in all it was a story of another ruthless, cynical individual controlling, manipulating and exploiting vulnerable individuals by preying on their insecurities and encouraging their self loathing.
Though in this article the surreal aspects are exaggerated for comic effect, just think how close the techniques Michael uses are to those of many multi-millionaire TV evangelists, faith healers, prophets and sundry other thieving scumbags.
It is the price a society must pay for freedom of religion although there is no reason in US law as far as I can see why these people cannot be arrested and charged with fraud.
Well I called this article The Craziest Doomsday Cult Ever and to the best of my knowledge it is. Unless you know of a crazier one. Any offers?
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Comments: 14
But decided to just leave this note and let it go for others to "enjoy" ...
Although, through your writing, I really feel I 'saw' it.
Numpties rule, eh?!
The ironic thing is that Oral Roberts himself was a fundamentalist and a closet little boy banger until he was...um...exposed...if you'll pardon the expression.
Now, in knowledgeable circles, he is referred to as "Rectal" Roberts.
Precisely
First; see Kitty's comment.
Second; What the hell are you on about, social help, I'm a comedian.
This post is not pornographic, it reports facts. Do you want to know what pornography means? Literally, from two Greek words: pornae = base people, graphien = to write, it means "to write about base people. A modern definition is is "writing likely to deprave or corrupt." Was my article likely to deprave or corrupt?
I think you will find most people in the world would share my view that it intends to warn against the likelyhood of being depraved or corrupted by the kind of base people who lead crackpot religons.
Be a devil, have a glass of champagne
Thanks for that info, it will be tucked away for future use.
Isn't it weird how many of these guys are into little girls or little boys, or big boys. I was so fascinated with this a while ago I called Ted Haggard and asked why he thought this was. He could not answer, he had somebody's cock in his mouth.
In the UK we have protected the right of freedom of worship, but not the right demanded now by many Christian and Islamic faiths and cultus of dubious cultural origin. Mocking extreme religion was something of a national sport until we found a God botherer had sneaked into power by keeping quiet about it.
The crackpots thought their day had come, but now Blair is gone and his proposed legislation to protect all religions from criticism. Its open season again and the nutters are in full retreat.
Lighten up, ridicule is the best weapon we have. It may harden a few attitudes in the short term but pretty soon people start to see their beliefs are a laughing stock and try to get back in touch with reality.
I have nothing against anybody believing in whatever God they choose, but when the creed of their church extends to abusing members who decide to quit, that is not religion, it is crime.
Unfortunately, as the TV show I wrote of revealed, once the cult have people in their control it is very hard to break that hold.