by William Dotani
Member since:
October 27, 2006

From The Tombs

December 12, 2007 02:10 PM EST
views: 61 | rating: 10/10 (22 votes) | comments: 41

 

 

Belief in rhythm carries no doubt
And churns the compass land ho the shout
And moments react and intertwine
Within the heart of a gentle time

Release can be found within the tombs
Of poets long gone yet verse still blooms
In the gossamer mists touching dawn
Or with midnight oil where dreams live on

Taking the route down memory lane
As my old friend speaks to me again
How long has it been as we cherish
Words for the heart that never perish

Telling the stories brings forth a smile
Of roads less traveled in modern style
Imaginary friends childhood glee
I in your courtyard somehow redeemed

Dusty shelf beckons me once again
Read me read me be quiet my friends
Speak of the children speak of the sun
A rainbow of colors has been spun

Apple tree stories brought forth a tear
And heart felt passion for Bambi's fear
Mystery writers gave us the clues
Some comic relief filled in the hues

Frozen sky in the tundra of need
And every rainbow felt like ice cream
I laughed and laughed with the doctor's verse
And forget me not is what I heard

Lessons and concepts solemn amens
Bringers of light to square one again
Why is a question that must prevail
Although answers known joy has a sail

Windy strong winds of rhythm recall
The simple times contained in us all
Speak my old friend I sit at your feet
And cherish moments from shared belief
 

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Comments: 41

William Dotani Dec 12, 2007, 2:12pm EST
Sorry to publish so much recently, but my muse is rather hyper, or maybe my neck screws need tightening. I'm trying to reciprocate on comments left. Please be patient. I will not forget the kindness of your comments.
Apryl Just Apryl Dec 12, 2007, 2:15pm EST
This brought back so many memories of words that I have read and will forever be a part of my life. I especially loved the line "In the gossamer mists touching dawn
Or with midnight oil where dreams live on". Beautiful!!!
Bhawana 'Gather Proud Mom' Dec 12, 2007, 2:16pm EST
WHAT A FLASHBACK...GREAT POEM WILLIAM

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This is wonderful, William. You just tell your muse to keep it up as long as it (she?) wants. :-)
Fred Hose Dec 12, 2007, 2:25pm EST
Hi Bill
Is this a dedication to your best friends? All the books that you've read and all of us here at gater?

If it is then I think that it's a wonderfully perceptive pem.
If it isn't, then crack my knuckles and tell me to read it again.

Either way, I loved it. Bravo Bill.
William Dotani Dec 12, 2007, 2:27pm EST
If it's a she, what will my wife think?
Tom C. Dec 12, 2007, 2:29pm EST
Such a misnomer, William, to refer to the archive of literature as a "tomb." Your lesson is well spoken, and should be heeded. Finding the right rhyhm to include the time is the hard, but well worth it, part.
Elaine B. Dec 12, 2007, 2:29pm EST
This is absolutely wonderful, William. You'll make a great poet.
William Dotani Dec 12, 2007, 2:31pm EST
Fred, It's mostly a dedication to books I've read. It's also in a way a dedication to my Gather friends because some of the verses are influenced by comments I've received, or my name isn't Rumi. What a second, ny name is Bill like in hillbilly. I have to get my screws tightened.
lynn a. Dec 12, 2007, 2:31pm EST
This makes me think of the joy of reading as a young child. Anything was possible. I like this point, William, indeed I do.
William Dotani Dec 12, 2007, 2:34pm EST
Tom, the tomb has a double meaning. One of course refers to books I love so much that were written over a hundred years ago. I must admit I struggled with this title. I may change it.
Tom C. Dec 12, 2007, 2:57pm EST
Bill - I love the title. I only meant to opine on the language a little, not your work.
William Dotani Dec 12, 2007, 3:08pm EST
Shoot away please. I love a good critique. How else am I going to learn and grow? I've asked my dog to help me and all she does is wag her tail. No one in my family is interested in poetry and none of my friends here in the USA read poetry unless it has something to do with sports. I'm on the island of blue collar heaven.
Peter Joseph Swanson Dec 12, 2007, 3:16pm EST
That was charming !!! Marvelous and sweet !!!!
Donald M. Dec 12, 2007, 3:48pm EST
Very good William. Are the dusty books calling to you, to take them off the shelf and read them again?
J.C. Alexander Dec 12, 2007, 4:36pm EST
Your neck screws need tightening? LOL!!!!!!!

I prefer the idea that your muse is hyperactive. Let it take you. You're doing beautiful work.
Gerry Wass Dec 12, 2007, 5:08pm EST
Several words I wanted to shift:

of poets long gone whose verse still blooms
touching the dawn

I like the word "courtyard" although I took these lines a little too literally at first as two friends out walking.

This was a little too unclear, though intriguing language: "Frozen sky in the tundra of need/And every rainbow felt like ice cream

This is a trip-over line: "Although answers known joy has a sail" You eschew punctuation, which irritates me at times, and mostly I just accept it as your style, but sometimes it just grammatically messes up a lovely poem like this.

I keep reading the last stanza over and over, feeling sort of happy and troubled by it, thinking it isn't quite focused enough to send the poem out. I can't figure it out any better than that. And so this intense critique comes your way because this is my favorite piece of your work for a while now and I want you to make it even better. I think it's a very gentle, universal sort of idea, remembering what books have been for us, wanting to read them again. I hope something I have written resonates with you, and if not, it's always fun to let you know what I think!
debra g. Dec 12, 2007, 6:16pm EST
wonderful william thank you for all of the works you have shared.
Marge H. Dec 12, 2007, 7:16pm EST
I love the idea of well loved books that have shaped our pasts as old friends. I used them for escape and spent way too many hours getting away from my reality, according to several of my foster moms.

I have often revisited my old friends and almost always learn something new from them.
necee t. Dec 12, 2007, 7:25pm EST
more great works from William... cool... love the hyper muse... hehe

thank you for your nice comments to me... Blessings...
Sheila Deeth Dec 13, 2007, 1:53am EST
Apple tree stories and reading to my kids when they were small. You reminded me of happy times, and of trying to explain to my 20year old that having kids is good for you. I'd like to convince him poetry's good for you, but doubt I'll ever succeed.
Minakshi w. Dec 13, 2007, 2:12am EST
William, this is a tribute from a voracious reader. We all go back for some inspiration to the authors we read in our childhood/youth. It is good to see you mentioning all the hallways where you traveled as you read these books. Dusting the shelves..that is so true. We forget or leave behind these stories sometimes...only to find our way back someday, somehow.

"A rainbow of colors has been spun" in your memories and this poem too.

Like Gerry says, I too stumble sometimes because of the missing punctuation marks. Some writers do not like using them nowadays, so I refrained from mentioning it to you before this.
The line 'Although answers known joy has a sail' could do with a little modification.
Maybe something needs a little attention in this phrase too:'Windy strong winds......'
You are a fine writer, William and I enjoy reading your thoughtful poems.
William Dotani Dec 13, 2007, 5:11am EST
"In silence, she cries" - a poem - by Jeff Meyers, is a very good poem. It had only 3 comments. A poem of this quality deserves more attention. I would hope some of you who love poetic imagery would visit and read this poem.
William Dotani Dec 13, 2007, 5:30am EST
Thank you Gerry and Minnie for your wonderful advice. This are the comments that help me grow in my learning.
Heather W. Dec 13, 2007, 6:28am EST
Another wonderfully written poem, William.
Parul S. Dec 13, 2007, 11:00am EST
Your poem reminds me to call my old freinds William.Verysweet and sentimental.

Plz visit my page though I am not so much on Gather .My little son needs more attention but I always read your poems.
penni d. Dec 13, 2007, 12:22pm EST
SPEAK TO ME my old friend I SIT AT YOUR FEET WOW! gotta go dust OFF some of my old friends and READ them again....
I will be back later to read all your new words your published since I've been electricity challenged.
Wilma M. Dec 13, 2007, 4:04pm EST
I have lots of favorite books that I have read over time. Also favorite poems, some that I memorized years ago at the behest of my 8th grade teacher. I hear now that memorizing poetry, etc may help head off Alzheimer's. Maybe I should start trying to memorize poems again.

You can let your muse remain hyper; I always enjoy reading your words. I like to read Gerry's critiques also. Helps me learn a bit more.
Wilma M. Dec 13, 2007, 4:05pm EST
I liked "Human, Katherine's" remark about being "electricity challenged".
William Dotani Dec 13, 2007, 4:17pm EST
Wilma, You should memorize the poems I write in your comments.
William Dotani Dec 13, 2007, 4:18pm EST
Katherine, I'm challenged and could use a good jolt.
Pepsie J. Dec 13, 2007, 6:48pm EST
William never apologize for your wonderful way with words. How do you find these words? I love reading you articles.


You are a kind soul. Thank you.
John F Walter Dec 14, 2007, 7:41am EST
This is a very satisfying retrospective journey back to the time when poets were cherished by the general culture, and memorizing poetry using rhyming and the rhythms of speech was something that civilized persons everywhere shared as part of their heritage. This poem speaks to this idea of transmission through literature; and I enjoyed its own facility with rhyme.
sheila h. Dec 14, 2007, 10:56am EST
All the wonderful ( or not so..sometimes they can make one wince) memories of times past~ of books read,emotions recalled..ours for the perpetual re-visiting...lovely and sentimental....

hey ,i just thought of something...take your ginko-biloba....:)
Jim Ross Dec 15, 2007, 9:55pm EST
Nothing simple in it, at all, Bill. It takes a great talent to put a rhythm together as you have here. Some modern poets may refer to it as "literary comfort food" since it has been enjoyed and studied so much by so many people; but the form is as valid as it ever was, and your expression of it provides a beautiful punctuation to that fact. I guess this comment is based on a subcurrent feeling I got while reading the poem that as much as you celebrate the rhythm that it is somehow less sophisticated and something less relevant than poems "traveled in modern style". I hope not. If we don't write in the "old styles" from time to time, how can we appreciate the intricacies of the best poems the masters have passed to us? In the best tradition you have given us a poem that not only entertains, but gives us something to think about. Thank you for that. I think I'll head for a dish of rainbow sherbet now. ;-)
William Dotani Dec 16, 2007, 9:23am EST
Jim, Thank you so much for stating this truth. Enjoy your sherbert.
William Dotani Dec 17, 2007, 3:34am EST
My imagination needs no herbal assistance. I'm borderline as it is.

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