The Three Wise Nun Leprechauns

Tales from Leprechaunia 24

The Three Wise Nun Leprechauns

The bleary eyed Three Wise Leprechauns, dressed in beer-stained and crumpled white bed sheets, trudged from The Dancing Leprechaun stables, pulling the hill trolley loaned to them the night before.  Thus it was this mid-morning of Christmas Day that they set out to return the trolley to Shamus O'Leprechaun, the druid.  They found him in the arms of the Vestal Virgin Witch, Colleen O'Cork - both were fast asleep in their hill trolley, parked beside the road and half way up the steep hill from the pub.  Being charitable as well as wise Leprechauns, the trio of dishevelled kings decided not to wake the pair snoring and muttering in their sleep.

So it was that Shamus and Colleen were pulled up the hill in their trolley by King Melchior McCork and King Gaspar O'Corked, while King Balthazar O'Leprechaun hauled the borrowed trolley all the way up the hill.  Doing so through ankle-deep sleet from the night before, which had turned the road to mud.  Slippery mud!  Slipping and sliding and falling face down more than once, the mud-covered kings in clinging bed sheets finally reached their destination.  They parked the sleeping couple in the small barn, washed themselves in a horse trough and donned their 2,000 year old robes that Colleen had washed the night before and hung to dry in the stable.

The hitherto threadbare garments, held together by untold years of grime, were now in tatters.  These once precious robes could not withstand the assault of hours of being boiled in a bubbling cauldron.  Not wanting to be seen in the condition of beggars, the Three Wise Kings clambered back on the hill trolley and sped for the second time down the steep slope towards The Dancing Leprechaun pub.  Not having mudguards, the trolley's spinning wheels soon had them spray painted with cold slurry of sleet and mud.  The experience added to their store of knowledge.  As did the running over of the sergeant of police!

Sergeant O'Leprechaun, an unhappily married man who'd sought some Christmas Day good cheer by hiding with a speed camera behind a bush near the pub, leapt in front of the speeding Three Wise Leprechauns - who ran over him.  Being new to hill trolleys and the way of unhappily married sergeants of police, none of them thought of tugging on the handbrake lever.  Thus so it was that after righting the trolley, a groaning Sergeant O'Leprechaun was conveyed in the back of the trolley, pushed and pulled by three kings, to the front of the pub.  And then they carried him inside.

Taffy Jones the publican was too dumb-founded to bar the way of Three Wise Beggars in mud-spattered, tattered rags.  A mud-covered Sergeant O'Leprechaun was laid groaning on a table; and flat on his back he plaintively called for the Virgin Mary O'Leprechaun and his mother.  Neither of whom would be seen dead in this den of iniquity!  But Mother Superior Molly of the Holy Order of Leprechauns was made of sterner stuff, and she deftly resolved the situation.  She had witnessed the accident when hanging out the newly washed pink pillowslips from the confessional and had hurried over to the pub.  Being a superior mother, she grabbed a half-finished pint of Leprechaunia O'Guinness left abandoned on a nearby table the night before and emptied it over the sergeant's face.

The Vegemite-empowerment of the black beer took immediate effect and had Sergeant O'Leprechaun sitting bolt upright and gazing around with vacant eyes.  He had amnesia from the shock of being run over in the course of his duty as an unhappily married police sergeant on Christmas Day ... and he was helped home to his ball and chain by Mother Molly.  For their part, the Three Wise Mud-splattered Beggars each slowly sipped on a half glass of Leprechaunia O'Guinness, reluctantly supplied by Taffy Jones because it was Christmas Day.  Coincidentally, just as they finished their drinks, Molly returned with three spare nun's habits that she'd fetched from the one-occupant convent.  She laid the neatly folded black clothing on a table, sternly instructed the astonished beggars not to get the garments dirty and then marched out of the pub and back to the convent.

A thorough washing in the troughs of the inn's stables soon saw the three kings emerge as Three Wise Nuns.  They thought it only right to go and thank their benefactor, Molly.  Thus it was that they made their way to the Church of the Blessed Cork, to which the convent was attached.  They were met at the door by Father Paddy who was about to wander over to the pub for a pint of Christmas blessings.  The father of Paddy was astonished!

Three nuns in need of a shave wasn't a sight he expected to see on Christmas morning.  On any other morning it might have been possible, given the goings on in the Broken Harp township.  Nevertheless, he rose to the occasion and asked the three nuns if they'd like to confess their sins before the bleary-eyed rabble that was his flock arrived to make excuses for the sins they'd committed after Midnight Mass of the night before.

The Three Wise Nuns blinked owlishly at the father of Paddy ...clearly, the dolt had taken leave of his senses!  That kingly nuns, wise ones at that, even though badly in need of a shave, would confess to anything - let alone to strange sins, something about which they'd never heard about before - to an indolent fool whose only claim to fame was being the sire of some clot named Paddy, was a totally preposterous proposition!  If they had anything to confess of a divine nature, they'd do so to the druid, Shamus O'Leprechaun.  And then probably order his execution!  Or confess all to the Vestal Virgin Witch, Colleen O'Cork, before summarily defrocking her!  Of course, that would be an entirely different tale altogether ... either a bloody one or in the altogether ... and not one to be told to innocent young Leprechauns.

See also:

Tales from Leprechaunia - series 3

21 The Three Wise Leprechauns

22 The Three Wise Homeless Leprechauns

23 The Three Wise Mummy Leprechauns