Two Dollar Bill

Was the expression "queer as a 2 dollar bill"? or
Was it a 3 dollar bill?
My mind wandered in its confusion. Why was
This here?

Then the past
Rushed in
Flushing my face as I thought
About this book
Women's poetry

Some of it sang to me now
But back then, in college
It had simply felt like maternal
Manipulation and I had
Waded though anger to read a few pages
Before putting it away on
My shelf



I was too full of self-
Doubt to put in on my
Nightstand back then

And tonight I had sat
Reading these poems
Not remembering the words or meaning
Of the last five because
I was indulging in that molasses thick
Dark, bittersweet sticky emotion of resentment

I should never have been there
They should have never left me home with her
As she wrestled her
Valium demons
I had peeked out each morning
Beneath my dark shade
Watching as my prince valiant
Drove away and
Gone back to bed hoping she'd
Forget me

Sometimes she did

But now this 2 dollar bill
Series 1953 it read
And so I knew exactly who
Had put it in this book

My body vibrated thinking of
Mom
Hiding this all of those years ago
To mark a poem "on my daughter's
21st Birthday"

A poem so full of love
And tenderness
I would have never heard it back then
And I wound never have understood the
Love a mother has for a daughter who is
A glint in her eyes
And then at once, moments later
Rushing
Bravely out into life

I was never meant to find this poem
Until now and
I could hear my mother's sweet voice
Through all of time and space
"No, it's 'special' as a 2 dollar bill!"