A New Morning

I welcome any critique.

oh William... i can't believe i'm first... woo hoo... i really loved this...
it's very deep and sensitive... i am not a critic... i find nothing wrong...
Blessings to you and your family...


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Settle down Necee and please go read Magi's Happy Birthday article for Minnie. Magi writes great unerring historical facts.

i agree with necee all the way there is nothing wrong and i feel it came from your heart god bless you and familey

William - this strikes me on first read as a story of a life of aimlessness and unhappiness that is only now redeemed by reliving childhood. I'm sure (I hope for your sake) that's not the message. Are you meaning to imply that childhood innocence is a trait not to lose? That we should retain our love of play and innocence when confronting the adult world of decision making? Or perhaps, rereading your opening lines, you do mean to imply your life is only redeemed by your memories, and you are lamenting the fact that this is your attitude, one you can't change. Perhaps you can help me out here...I'm probably no where near to what you mean to convey.

William, There are sad moments in this one that actually hurt physically. I'm hoping I read this correctly and you walked your way through the depression and back to joy.

I like it. I think in spots that rhythm and the rhyme seem a bit forced, or at times non-existent so it seemed to contradict what you were doing. That created an artificial flow for me that was a bit distracting.

As an example, here are three chunks:

What happened to me I can not explain
All that I had was like dross causing pain
I thought of my children and of my mom
My wife agreed it was time to go home

My health was ruined depression set in
Two years wasted but my wife had a plan
God hid the teardrops that had formed inside
And His mercy gave me smiles to find life

Now each attic has treasures I suppose
The old boxes I found were mine to hold
As the toys were smiling to see me there
And with memories I played without care

There is some rhyme in the first chunk, little or none in the second and then back to it in the third. In this instance, I started thinking more about how you were writing the poem and less about what you were saying in the poem. I think that took a bit of the air out of it for me. Nice imagery though. Nice thoughts.

Thank you Jeff. This is definitely helpful and when I have fresh eyes I will use you critique and look at this again.
Tom, this is biographical. My intent was not to say my life was a waste, but to go through the transforming stages in my life. No one in my family's past or present history had ever gone to a university and it was quite scary for me at first. My cultural background was that of farmers and blue collar workers.

It's beautiful,William.....I can relate,perhaps not in the way you intended,but you made me understand something in my life..I thank you for that.

It's lovely William. It made me cry and then smile. I know your life hasn't been easy and I admire and respect what you have accomplished.

So eloquently written.

I'll explain my poem by stanza.
Stanza 1: My childhood was fun and I often remembered it with yearning throughout my life.
Stanza 2: I just don't know when my childhood ended.
Stanza 3: As a teenager I was constantly told to grow up and was pushed to try harder. High school was so easy I thought it was a joke and I had a very carefree attitude that my teachers certainly did not like.
Stanza 4: I was really confused after graduating high school. I was being pushed to go to college, especially by my teachers, but I just wanted freedom to play. I finally enrolled at university and my first semester was a nightmare. I had no idea how to study and the academic world was really foreign to me. None of my friends were there. However, I did graduate.
Stanza 5: I met my wife and moved to Japan.
Stanza 6: Living in Japan and the birth of my daughter.
Stanza 7: I was awarded the title of Full Professor by the Japanese Ministry of Education. I had enormous power. I ran the English department and hired new teachers. Everything ran through me. It was a ridiculous amount of administrative work. 60 hours a week in my office was normal. Power mad me dictatorial and mean.
Stanza 8: I was living like a king. In Japan, a professor has great status. The workload just ruined my health. I finally found a reason to quit and walk away. I wanted my daughter to have a good university education. Most universities in Japan are playgrounds with no real academic learning. My mom was also having health problems. My dad had passed away in 1991 and my brother died in 1971. Someone had to help her.
Stanza 9: I had lived in Japan 16 years and only 3 times had I returned to the USA in that time period. My parents visited us every Summer. I had culture shock and then suffered severe depression for two years. I could not work. My wife got a very good job she still has. My health is better, but I'm still not in very good shape. I never used drugs, but by prayer I was able to get over my depression.
Stanza 10: One day I was rummaging through some old boxes and found toys from my childhood. This made me feel quite happy.
Stanza 11: I now know I should not look with longing for my childhood, but just be happy to have the memories of such a wonderful childhood. I am happy now and full of humor. It's almost feels like I'm a child again.

LOL

It's great William/ Very personal look at yourself, and the changes time and age can make in a life, and those people or things that we come across during this time that help us thru. Ellen B

William - thanks for the explication. I think for me S3 and S4 are unclear. I had thought the "4-years" of S4 was referring to high school. I don't know how important it was that high school was easy for you, but I don't get that anywhere in S3. I also find "my wife had a plan" a little confusing. I had thought your wife had brought you to God or something. Perhaps the details are less important than the overall sense of OK-ness that your wife provides. And your ending is one I considered, just wasn't sure. Now that you explain it all fits, and is another pure-Dotoni - unflinchingly honest and deep.

Thank you Tom. Every comment helps me to consider the needed edit. I deeply appreciate your comments.

I don't feel I can critique anyone who writes better than I do. I just think this is wonderful.

How beautiful that you have those memories and that you put them into words so beautifully. You're featured on Gatherers Gallery.

Glitter Graphics

William, thanks for explaining. I see that my interpretation was pretty right-on, up until the last two stanzas. I thought you found memories in the boxes rather than real toys. But the intent came through loud and clear.

I felt your second stanza was quite strong.

You have seen a lot in your life! But it sounds like you re adjusting to the changes. I know I sure do like to read your writings here!

I didn't need your explanation William, perhaps because I feel I know you so well, and I went with you through the steps and stages of your life, and I think you are a pretty comfortable fellow right now, and you have suffered and worked long and hard to get to this place, and I am happy for it and I congratulate you on being able to write your feelings down in this wonderful way through the progression of your life. a wonderful poem, don't change too much, don't fix what isn't broken, Elsie

I could follow the progression. I did feel that at the end, you got to retire and play again, through rediscovering those childhood toys and memories. I got to know a little more about you, William. I enjoyed the poem.

Parts of this poem reached out to me, probably because I too lost my health to overwork. I know what you mean when you talk about rediscovering childhood toys. It's that great fun!

I always thought your writing was like an attic treasure found. Very nice William . I am glad that you are able to express your self through words in poetry. It is a true gift. Thanks

Maureen, I hope you are feeling well and healthy now.

Elsie, Do I need silicon?

Thank you for taking us on that journey.
You life is an amazing onee...one inwhich you reached up and touched heaven
Why should it amtter to you t come down to earth if you've touched heaven?

Dear Bill... it doesn't matter to me how my childhood was. Things happened. Yes. Good and bad. I learned from both but when I sit on my rock or in my coffee bar, I see only
gifts from God...gifts given when He was in a joyful mood. Like He was when he communicated with David.

I will not allow any historical mishap cloud my present life. Oh I know that I'm wrong but what the hell? It works for me.

If one does not realize and change personal mistakes and ask for forgiveness, then how can one learn and grow on the present road?

Fred, God's patience and forgiveness towards David is quite inspiring to those who seek mercy.

Dear William...Good morning...this time My room is filled with the morning sunrays..and I started reading your poem which took me to your life's journey...your childhood was fun and that's the best start because I have seen so many who still regret that they had missed a lot in their childhood...Though you have said that you were running from studies as a teenager but I find you a very hardworking man, who is a caring son , a responsible father and a loving husband...You worked then when your family needed ...and working so many hours , you proved that you can do everything for your family.
16 years in Japan...I can see you giving so much info about Japan and it's traditions...you had that old box of toys still with you....that is precious just like you...I can understand culture shock thing coz I was going with it..From last two years I am trying to settle down...these stages in your life has added so many good points in you which we can see it....sometimes what ever is broken..leave it as it is...you are a successful happy man...what I guess ...coz writers can't hide or lie until or unless they are happy...

and ya you must take care of your health...you must not ignore it...

your poem is as beautiful as your memories..memories are our own and they are just like a weather -graph...sometimes they looks good sometimes not..

I know you are a tough man..I have heard that Japanese girls are really beautifull...

William, " love gave me a place" Love of our spouses, children, and God. Allows our hearts to flow. The giving. Receiving of love allows us to capture the feelings from others. To grow cold and give or receive, does depress and shut down the body.
Allowing the boxes to make you feel like a child again, Happiness can never be wrong.

Thank you for your kind remarks.

William, you have totally shared yourself with us this time. Thank you.

No, you don't need silicone, I have the market on that, lol, but I see from all the lovely remarks above, that you could be bouncing around a bit on a happy cloud, I sure hope so, you deserve that feeling,

'If one does not realize and change personal mistakes and ask for
forgiveness, then how can one learn and grow on the present road?
This was the answer I was looking for William. Thank you so much
for all that you shared with us here on Gather. Some which I knew of
and others learned by getting acquainted with you as a good person
whom I've come to respect highly. I love you my friend. Kudos

William, your wonderful poem resonated with me from the very first lines. I'm so happy that you have found a better emotional place to be.

One of those "wow" poems, William - so much of yourself in it, and so much for all of us to relate to. The toys left behind, still waiting if only we'll unpack the boxes (real toys as my children leave, and toys of my childhood memory too) - the years that pile on and take away; the loneliness of unknowing. And those first verses with the future yet unplanned sound so much like my middle child. I really loved this.

Oh Bill, this is absolutely beautiful. I liked the rhythm and flow to it. But the best part about it is just how much of yourself you poured into this poem and how much you revealed. Thank you for sharing your life's experiences with us. I loved the opening and closing stanza and I thought that this is a positive poem, not just about a live lived but about hoping for and finding the better everywhere and in everything.

An interesting journey through your life. It seems you have an excellent perspective on your experiences. I liked the idea of looking back at childhood toys and remembering happiness.

I had thought I didn't remember much of my childhood. Early on here on Gather, there was a challenge about writing of 10 childhood memories. I started trying to think of some and was amazed at the happy distinct memories that came back to me. That article was very comforting and reaffirming for me. You had asked a while back about our best 3 articles. Mostly I just do blog type articles here, so nothing memorable. I guess that one article would be my own personal favorite as it was quite meaningful to me.

KEEP SMILING

Bhawana, You trying to bug me?

No...never:)


William I loved you tagline...that's the secret of your witty drabbles.

Take care
Enjoy weekend and also give us more happy articles...

Eager to know about your Christmas preparations...Did you decorate your Christams tree...

I still like to read your writings!