Not Death but Birth

I dreamed

last night

that I was dying

Not in the sense that we are all dying

the minute we are born

but that I was about to pass on

to

well, somewhere else,

something else.

I lay there,

on the floor of my office

and it was early morning

the part of morning

when it's still night

and everything was dark

In the next room

I heard the clicking of a key board

and saw the purplish glow of

the monitor

my best friend was waiting

with me

But she was in her office

catching up on work

She'd fallen behind while

helping her fiance pass away

But it hadn't been to the same place

as I was going

It would not be permanent

for me, since

I was simply passing on

Suddenly I felt dizzy

and I called out for my husband

"I'm about to go"

and he lay down with me

wrapping his warm arms gently around

my body and we waited.

I wanted to go, was happy to go

and started to go when

I was startled awake by the cry of my

child in the other room.

Perhaps she didn't understand

how much I needed to go and

that I wouldn't be leaving her for

a moment

But it was gone

the dream was done

and I traveled all day

stuck between here and there

now and then

Frustrated, unsatisfied with the me I was now

I wanted to see the me of then

and when the healer's hands touched me

gently,

feeling me stuck

she nudged me on

as she had done for me so often

pushing me toward the next step

on my way to becoming

more me.