Happens Every Time

Every single time I decide, "hey, today is a good day to attempt to stop being such a confrontational person, and be more christian like," a long series of events always ends with me failing my objective.

I decided last night, "be forgiving, assume innocence, violence is not the answer.  Maybe I can pull it off this time."

This morning, despite the No Soliciting sign on our door a Jehovah Witness showed.  They do this every few weeks, right and early in the morning.

I work nights.  I normally sleep until eleven or noon, work out, then go to work.

I am not awake at nine am (nor should anyone else be).  Anyone up at nine am going door to door to try and convert me is evil.

Last time this guy tried to convert me, my dog almost got him.  The time before that I was in my boxers.  The time before that I spoke in a guttural satanic metal tone.  He's very persistent.

I was going to rebuke him for waking me so early, but then I remembered my goal.  So after ten minutes of his talk, and after receiving several pamphlets on how to read the Bible, I thanked him for wanting to save my soul, but informed him that my answer was still no.  He said he'd be back...

Feeling better about myself I collapsed back into my bed for a few hours of nightmares before waking up and dragging myself to the gym.

I almost flipped over several times on the walk since certain people in this town don't feel like shovelling or salting their driveways and sidewalks.  However, hey, I'm not going to judge people.

After three hours of fun I stopped in work for breakfast/lunch.  I towelled off before leaving the gym, so my hair was sticking up everywhere (I'm a civilian now after all- I'm growing it long).  Apparently my hair offended some random bi- person ordering a sandwich.  I had never seen her before, but for all the glaring she did at me one would assume that I had killed and eaten her dog.  But I won't judge.

Two hours later I returned to work- only to make money instead of spend it.  During my walk through town on the ice coated sidewalks I received many glares, and harrumphs.  What? I like black leather jackets; there is nothing wrong with that.  Keeps me warm.  I'm not going to get angry.

First customer I serve is a large woman, who sounds out each syllable to me, since I am obviously stupid.  I will not judge.  Every time she opens her mouth, I want to recoil from the smell (note: I grew up on a farm, so this was one heck of a smell).  Whatever.  I won't judge another's hygiene.

A pair of 'dirties' (young teen girls who perform sexual acts at parties for free drugs and booze) walk in.  After a giggle fit they ask me about "convience cards" being accepted.  I of course inform them that we take visa, debit,  and mastercard.  This produces a massive outburst of laughter and a sarcastic response that her debit says convience card.

I remind myself they're just kids, and process their order.  Of course they complain to my two coworkers, who are glad to lambast me to impress the dirties.  I'm not sure why, I certainly don't want the hiv, but whatever, my coworkers are just being themselves.

Afterwards we retire to the back and begin preparing the restaurant for the next rush.  I’m attempting to block out the conversation going on around me.

"Did you see those dirties?"
"Yeah, they probably have the hiv and the clap though."
"Well, they're too young, even for me- although they did mention they like to party..."
"Hey man, check it when I mix part a bottle of mayo with water- it looks like I'm lactating!"
"Give it here! Hey, my groin is lactating!" *begins to air hump* "hey [nighthawk] look!"
*nighthawk receives a face full of mayo and water.  Then a shirtfull.  Nighthawk is not amused, however, anger is wrong*

My coworkers then begin hurling green peppers, pickles, pans, and whatnot at each other.  I try to manoeuvre away, but I'm stuck in the middle.  Thankfully they're aiming around me (after last time... well...) then I take a pot to the side of the face.

F*** pacifism.  F*** repressed anger.  It's Go Time.

One of the more interesting traits I inherited from the American side of the family is a Gunnery Sergeant's voice (they're all marines on that side).

"Alright! This is the end! You will put down your sh*t! You will get to work! And you will stop incurring my wrath! Do you understand me?"

There was silence, and they backed up.  One's arm pulled back, and the other raised a box as a shield.  With a quick jerk of my hand, the box hit him in the face.

"Do you understand me?"
"Why are you so serious today?"
"I am sick of this bullsh*t! You will get to work!"
"Fine, we don't need any blood this time."  (I gave a black eye and received a partially slashed palm)

Rest of the night went all right actually.  The customers were more intelligent, I received tip money for some reason, and besides the lock on the front of the restaurant freezing, and all was well.