Advent is a time of joyful preparation for the Christmas Season. It is also a time of reflection.
The traditions surrounding Saint Nicholas are lovely and fun to share with your family. I would like to share some thoughts about his ?Golden Book? with you.
What does it stand for? Can it have meaning for us, now, in the year 2007?
Everything we do is written in that book. Everything we are happy about and proud of doing. Everything we are ashamed of doing. Everything we hope no one will find out we did. It?s all there. And Saint Nicholas ? who remembers ? writes it into the golden book. It?s all in the same book, not a black for the bad and a golden one for the good. Once a year he reminds us that he knows. I won?t spell out the spiritual implications ? that is for each one to do according to personal belief.
But I know this idea can be very powerful if it is used well. If a child grows up experiencing adults who follow with loving awareness everything it does, this helps to strengthen a sense of personal responsibility for all actions. It supports the child in its endeavor to be good, and every single young child I have ever known wanted to be good.
In simpler days, Saint Nicholas and his helpers ? Ruprecht, Krampus? played this role. A child who had been very naughty might find that it got lumps of coal ? symbolizing the blackness of past actions ? instead of sweets. Or it might get a switch made of willow twigs. This was not a happy moment, but if done with love, it was helpful.
Let me tell you about something that actually happened. It was in the 1920s, in Germany. There was a family of many aunts and uncles and cousins who celebrated Saint Nicholas together every year. One of the unmarried uncles would accompany Saint Nicholas as Ruprecht, and he carried the sack filled with goodies. One year one of the cousins had been particularly naughty. Saint Nicholas spoke to him about it and when Ruprecht had emptied out the sack he reached for this boy, stuck him in the sack and tied it up. Then the two, Nikolaus and Ruprecht, left together with the sack thrown over Ruprecht?s shoulder. The remaining cousins were shocked, to say the least.
Some hours later, the cousin reappeared. He never said what had happened, but something had changed. He was a little more respectful, he tried harder to do his work, he seemed to think a little more instead of rushing into every scrape that presented itself.
Barbaric you say? Well, I don?t know. What do we do with kids who have overstepped the line? I personally know one boy who got 15 days of Juvenile Detention for fighting at school and being disrespectful. Is it less barbaric to put a child in jail? Is it more helpful? More loving?
We will not get simpler days back. But maybe we can find new ways of disciplining our children in ways that help them, rather than making a statement. I look forward to your thoughts!
Where is the number 8 on the Advent Calendar? Ah, here it is!
A little store where you can buy fruit and vegetables... 
Have a magical day!
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 20
Of course I know all about the potential for abusing any system of discipline. I am interested what we could come up with that would truly help someone on their often difficult path to responsible adulthood...
Have a magical day,
Cristina
And the days are flying! December 8 already!!! Thank you, Cristina.
Wolfi
Well- hmm.. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I didn't particularly like being punished growing up- but then, I needed it. I don't consider it cruelty at all. The pious Churchmen, as well as my Masters, and my Parents, truly only punished me when I needed it. I recieved spankings with a beechwood stick and a Leather strap on occaision- but then, when I was good- I recieved the appropriate praise. I learned where the line was- only it took awhile. What is cruel- is when those who take responsibility for their charges, don't teach their students, children respect and the difference between right and wrong. Children- are clean slates. To expect them to know how to behave- is ridiculous. They need to be taught, corrected, and also loved. Getting a spanking- if its appropriate and not abusive- can be a benefit to a child who is totally out of line. For one who is older- it causes humiliation- for they are being punished like a child- well- if you act like a child- then, a responsible adult in charge, is ultimatly going to treat you as such. It is embarressing for an older-teenage boy to face his peers once he has been sorely paddled on the behind a few times by their Master. It hurts the ego more than anything else- and the peers do the rest..sadly. They either take pity on you- or tease you- its one or the other. There are other ways of punishing older children- that don't even require corporal punishement. The Catholic Brothers were famous for it. Most of them included some kind of humiliation. Nevertheless- the student learned a valuable lesson- most of the times. Some forms of punishment were for extreme faux pas. In a Boys Catholic Prep school- if you were caught doing certain things- during the day- or at night- you were lectured too- and then punished severly.
I don't agree with Juvenile Detention unless the crime is incredably severe- such as rape, murder, theft.. etal. To put a young person in such a place for misdemenors isn't a good thing. Seems there are better ways to handle some of those situations. Counseling, or some kind of social guidence with the parents present- would be more useful. When a child runs away- it is for a reason- and that is why I think counseling is a better option. Taking the child out of the home- unless the parents themselves are violent or drug users, isn't the answer. I don't think disrupting home life and school life is the answer. Right now, I know a young man, who has been in the Juvenile system of several years, he hasn't got an education, no self esteem, probably some kind of mental disorder-he is very antisocial and uncommunicative, who became involved with my cousins daughter, and the two of them had a child together. She is 16 incidently and was only 15 when the baby was concieved. Neither have an education- one will go to Juvi hall for three months, and the other is going to prison. Can you imagine what the inmates will do to a young, handsome eighteen year old when he arrives? The thought is frightening. My feeling is- instead of shipping him off to prison, and throwing away his life- they should send him to military- so he can learn some discipline, finish his High school education, learn a vocation, and grow up. Perhaps then, he could be a good father to his son. Instead, no- they'll will throw away a soul. Something is very wrong with this picture frankly.
Who failed that young man? More than likely his own parents to begin with.. There seems to be a real movement in this country to allow children- to be their own adults- and choose willy nilly what ever they want- and do whatever they want- giving their parents no recourse as far as any discipline goes. I do know of successful famillies- but they are famillies who work really hard a raising their kids. I also know of famillies who are failing. One of my observations is: when a family participates in some kind of church disicpline, the children seem to be a bit more stable. The ones who are not- their children tend to have problems in the long haul.
That has been my observation. I am not a religeous fanatic- but I belive, in moderation, and with follow-up at home- you cannot fail.
Children- who have some fear of the Lord- as well as their own parents-and I mean fear in the sense of love- not of being afraid, tend to have a good grasp on reality.
Ja, I had problems- I was a smart aleck, sarcastic, a bit vain, petulant, bored, day dreamer, who didn't pay attention, who always listened to their own drummer, a bit of a class clown who acted out on occaision. I spent alot of time with my nose in a circle drawen on the black board- because I was chewing gum. I sat in the corner too- spent time in the Vicars office, sat out in the hall, had to sit in front of the class so the Master could keep an eye on me, mouthed off.. all the regular stunts. Wouldn't do my homework for my English Language Classes- I would read the books, and not do the report. I would also chronically miss class too. The Vicar insisted at that point- that I had to get my Masters to sign an attendence sheet that I had to hand in weekly. If I didn't- then a note went home to my parents- and I would be expelled. And there were other problems. Most of these problems surrounded stupid rules of the Church- some of which I disobeyed. Well- as a teenager- sometimes you had to do things.. and well- that was frowned upon. After several lectures about how it would blind you or worse- the Vicar would take over. And generally those were not fun sessions.
Granted, growing up when I did, things were different. Today- I know they are better. The only thing that is really good about any of the situation- was it taught me discipline. It taught me to respect authority, and to tow the line. It also taught me how to work hard- and for long, focused hours..( try working with nib pens and not make ink blots on the vellum- it teaches you alot of patience, quickly). I don't think kids today get that kind of classic education.
Well...as I was once told by a very wise person... the pendulum swings back and forth.. right now- its in the forth mode- eventually it will go back- and attitudes will be different once again.
Wolfi
I do want to make quite clear that I do not agree with hitting children, not spanking, not slapping, not caning, not anything!
I think it has to do with respecting the child as a human being, as his/her own person. And also with not over-reacting as the adult...
Juvenile Hall for having a baby???
My work has a lot to do with communication, with the confusions that occur. It is truly amazing sometimes to hear what the child thinks he/she has communicated and what the parent thinks he/she has communicated. They can be miles and miles apart, and not even know it...
I also agree with "appropriate and loving discipline," which in my book means setting boundaries and making sure they are respected, not by yelling and shouting or hitting but by loving attention and only setting up a rule if you are willing to enforce it. I know it's not easy...
Another though on schools - there are many schools in the US today who have NO RECESS all day. The children just change activities. The reasons given are varied, one of which is that school districts cannot find people who would be willing to supervise recess. Many of these kids are on behaviour-modifying drugs, I would claim as a result of this. Sit still for 6 hours a day? Duh...
Hitting children isn't the answer- I know. Guidence however is. Sadly- where I live now, there are many children who are homeless- mostly due to the fact they are children of Mepthamphetime abusers- they are probably challenged- and the county just doesn't have enough foster homes for them. This is what breaks my heart. These are the "throw away children". Most of them are born by Teenagers who are addicted to this terrible drug, and they are not equipped to raise them. So they end up on the counties hands. We have alot of them here where I live- last year at this time- there were forty children that needed homes- and they were strictly the Meth babies- many not over seven. I am sure, by now, there are even more.
When I did my teacher training- I had to do an internship in a grammar school here. It was a combination class of third and fourth graders. Most of the teachers had masters degrees. They had implemented the "choices " programme. I don't know if you are familliar with the experiment-but I cannot say that I really am impressed with it. One of the students was a riding student of my mothers. My mother was in her sixties, giving lessons on board a horse to this little girl. The little girl- due to this brainwashing- and I call it brainwashing, had no problem telling my mother, very matter of factly that she didn't want to do what she had been asked. She had no respect for her teacher- and frankly just wanted to play around on the horse. Now- a horse is perfectly capable of killing you - all it takes is one buck. This child- wasn't all but nine or ten- and not very big- and the pony- which was big enough for me to ride-which I had to periodically so the kid could ride her- really could have a temper. What do you do? That child- should have been taken off that horse, and sent home to her room as far as I could see. Her mother was paying a small fortune for her daughter to take these lessons once a week. It wasn't much later, we closed the barn. Due to this methode that the parents and the schools have bought into- the children are taught confidence- but- they are not taught respect. One aspect is good. The other isn't. When your in a potentially dangerous situation- such as equitation on a horse, you should listen to your teacher.. thats why you are there.
As a teacher- I run into this. Its frusterating. The child is running the show.. literally. IF they don't want to practice, or do their theory homework..they don't. They would rather spend the time during their lesson doing what they should have done. You cannot say anything. My newest student- he is seven, and already has this attitude. Its to the point- I have had to involve his mother. Its the only way I can teach the child. His thoughts go from one thing to the next- by the end of the hour- its exhausting. He does what he wants- not what I ask. I try to show him something- it goes for about five minutes. Otherwise- he throws a fit- says no- or better yet- he is scared. And- he says it at the top of his lungs. Mom got to see it at the last lesson. Frankly, I am glad Mom participated- I think it will help. Cristina- these children are bright, and precious. I love to work with them- but its not easy. I know- if I ever behaved that way to one of my teachers or masters- whether in the riding ring, school or at the piano, or even in my dance and drama classes- I would have been disciplined. Frankly- I don't consider it abusive- I desrved it fully. In fact- it taught me to not mouth off. I have no problem saying no- and never did, but I would not have said that to a teacher..not ever. In fact, many German masters won't even allow you to talk until the hour is over- in music and riding classes.
In the choices programme- the children were given so many chances in the class room if they broke the rules- they would have to write a short essay.. if that didn't work- they would send them to a room in the school- where they would have to watch a video..then write a essay about it. And, as I said- Mom and Dad had to buy into at home also.
I don't have children- and frankly wouldn't have the heart to do anything mean or terrible to them. I am not into physical punishment either- but I just don't know how one would deal with children today that are totally out of line and in control. Things are out of control here in the USA- totally. Kids are killing kids..its unsafe to even go to campus's now- all the way up to college level. Its unsafe to go to a High school. It is getting worse by the day.
I haven't the answer. All I know, is what I do know. I would hope-and pray, that if I ever am blessed with a child- that I can rear it right.
I am not a psychologist- just a piano teacher. :) I have all sorts of ideas-I have met all sorts of kids- and worked with them. I would hope- that I have modelled the appropriate things for them. I just do the best I can.
Like I said- I have a student now- that I am trying very hard to be creative with. I think I may be coming close to the right answers for him.. perhaps we can discuss it sometime.
What do you think of the Suzuki methode?? A lot of its based on modelling..
Wolfi
Wolfi, don't know enough about it to have an opinion...