Today’s revelation that chimps regularly outperformed human students in a series of intelligence tests comes as a blow to beleaguered education ministers trying to fend of criticism about failing policies in schools and universities as the latest league table showed the UK is close to being the thickest nation in Europe.
So is there any way in which this information can offer a glimmer of hope to the education establishment. Yes, says Professor Simian Peasmold, head of anthropomorphic studies at Trailerpark University. The Professor told this reporter, "If we compare like with like humans are still smarter. Chimps do well in tests because they focus on the task in hand. The brain of a human student is thinking about surfing the web, buying lager, strategies for playstation games, downloading MP3s, following the complex plotlines of Australian soaps and getting laid. Chimps are not aware of most of those things.
Dr. Phideas Bozo of London Zooniversity disagreed however.
"We Chimps have always been smarter," he said. "All we need to do is act like baby humans, sit around all day pulling faces, stick fingers up each others bottom holes and then sniff them, hurl turds at visiting dignitaries and do obscene things with bananas and you guys house us, feed us and give us toys to play with. So who are the dumbos?"
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Comments: 9
How many university students have you seen eat termites off a stick? That just goes to show you !!!
The chimps are ready to come clean and admit they're smart because we now have robots that will clean the house and serve food - and will never think for themselves at all.
I have seen lots of humans from all walks of life eat refined sugar with articicial sugar and flavourings off a stick. I guess termites are much more nutritious which must prove something.
And what about Kebabs? As Dame Edna Everidge says you should never eat a donor kebab unless you know who the donor was.
If students had had any imagination they would have crammed themselves into goldfish and swallowed VW Beetles.
Panty raids. Were the owners wearing them or not when they were raided.