Any Offers For The Gold Plated Dog Turd?

The world of epoxy – resin Devil’s Head collectors was set alight by news that Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne are selling their stuff in preparation for moving to a retirement bungalow in Bognor Regis (OK I made the last bit up) The Osbournes "tat-chic" collection of objets-de-more-money-than-sense will attract Devil’s Head and inverted crucifix enthusiasts from around the world although we have top wonder who but the most stupid, celebrity struck titbrains would want to pay $500 for a showbiz style plastic Devil’s Head when they can have a real one, once property of the Devil himself, plus countless wealth, everlasting life and unending sexual vigour in return for selling their soul.

Devils Heads are not the only thing going under the hammer, there is also the famous TV remote that reduced Ozzy to a state of gibbering rage which culminated in him yelling "Will someone sort this fookin’ television out, its doin’ my fookin’ ‘ead in." (Actually Oz, it was quarter of a century of booze and drugs that did your fookin’ ‘ead in.)

Not all the lots are so colourful of course; who would have thought The Prince Of Darkness would turn out to be an avid collector of Vintage Car horns? Saner than Devil’s horns we suppose.

Centrepiece of the auction is a four poster dog bed, a gift from Elton John to Shazza. This is highly appropriate of course, we all remember that the real stars of the TV show were Sharon’s neurotic, undomesticated dogs, (CALM DOWN you lots, I’m not talking about Kelly and her friends,) The doggy bed was used by Minnie, a whimpering, yappy, anally incontinent Pomeranian that shat everywhere except in the garden (A soona dog, soona do it in the house than outside.)

Given Ozzy’s penchant for bad taste and celebrity stupidity it is simply not possible the idea of having one on Minnie’s mini jobbies turned into an item of kitsch jewellery.

So what am I bid for the gold plated dog turd.