It has come to this reporter's attention that many humans have sex on a regular basis.
This is scandalous.
They're doing it with their spouses. They do it with friends. They do it with people they dislike. They do it with complete strangers. Sometimes it is really wonderful and sometimes it makes them feel like crap. Sometimes they spread diseases and sometimes they make babies.
The whole thing has been going on for many many years. It seems that all life forms - even bacteria engage in some forms of sexual reproduction. If life is to die out on earth in time for judgment day, this is simply going to have to stop.
Editorial note: Whatever. I'm not stopping. Judgment day can just wait. Screw that.