At some point we all have to grow up. Kicking and screaming we are thrust into adulthood. Usually it starts when the truth is revealed about the jolly man in the red suit. This was how it happend for me.... (my apologies to poets everywhere, and John Clement Moore!)
‘Twas the week before Christmas, we searched all through the house For a morsel to munch. The pears were all plastic and covered with hair. The grapes were all waxy, no joy there.
The candy canes taunted us, yummily calling, "Touch just one and your dead."
So James grabbed his keys, I my cap "We'll go for grinders, c'mon don't be a sap."
The night was so cold my teeth they did chatter The car was so old, it's engine did clatter.
Off we drove, he gave it the gas. "Hey, you got any cash?"
The snow drifted high, the road was a tunnel. We slid this way and that way, in and out of gear. White knuckled I rode, I knew no fear.
With relief I did spy a ways up ahead, a tiny John Deere. Plowing the snow, he moved oh so quick, I knew we'd be there in just a few ticks.
Then the driver, his fist o'er his head, he whistled, and shouted, and called us bad names! He came right straight at us! You nuts, you'll crash us! Go this way! No, Go that way! Slow down, speed up! Yipe look out! Stop, Go, Look out! To the end of the street, watch the wall! Floor it, floor it let's get em all! Shoppers and walkers, they dived and they dipped Likes pins on an alley, they braced for the crash!
and then in an instant, a crackling I heard. Coughing and hacking from under the hood. I drew in my breath, assumed the position, And braced for the final collision. We stopped just near our destination. My hands were all sweaty and rough from wringing. "Hey we made it, no worry!" as he started singing. At last we arrived, we hurried inside, "Hey are those sirens I hear?" Bells on the door jingle our entrance. The smells of bread and onions, Our hunger enhanced. "So what's it to be?" Quipped the grinder elf. All decked in a white apron, real greasy and stained. He poked his chubby fingers in his belly like jelly. He cocked his head and slammed down his cleaver. "Two with the works, we're hungry and eager" Said James, a twinkle in his eye and a growl in his belly. The elf said made no sound and set right to work Tomatoes and ham, onions and peppers Spices and mayo, oh it's such heaven! Then as he hands us our dinner, he winks at me So, you been good for Santa? James wasted not a moment, not even to breathe Santa! Bah! she knows he a fraud! Her whimsy may wish, but Santa, that's like wheels for a fish! Hiding my shock, I struggled to talk. What no Santa?! What a Gyp! But I was real hip, as I grabbed up my snack Yeah Santa, what a hack! With my sub under my arm, I turned to my brother So how do we get home, shall we just call Mother? So, the moral of this story? If you want your children to believe in Santa, keep the fridge stocked! Happy Holidays!