Holiday Ninja Action Force Unite!

It’s been a week since Thanksgiving. By now, you’re probably finishing the arduous task of cleaning out the leftover Thanksgiving leftovers from your fridge. Your turkey, once the plump, majestic roast centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table has been picked clean, reducing it to nothing more than a pile of bones and bits of browned skin which would bear a striking resemblance to Nicole Richie if she were to gain five pounds. In a mad dash to keep from throwing away too much food you’ve been eating pumpkin pie with every meal, every meal has been some derivative of the turkey sandwich, and your blood type is now Gravy positive. And if your family is anything like mine, the cranberry sauce is still in the can, sitting on the shelf in the back of the pantry.

And so it begins.

The Christmas season, that is. Oh I know; for years retailers have been pushing the merge of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas into one ginormous uber-holiday season. Seeing inflatable snowglobes next to inflatable ghosts and inflatable turkeys out in front of the local Target is pretty much a common sight in early fall. And though it isn’t uncommon to see some houses decorated for Christmas in the weeks preceding Thanksgiving, pretty much the only people who’ve wholly bought into the uber-holiday idea are easy listening radio stations who’ve been playing Christmas music since November 1st.

The problem with merging the holidays is that they couldn’t be any more dissimilar. One involves dressing up in costumes and getting candy, one involves gorging on turkey and watching football all day, and one involves the distribution of gifts by a red suited, serial home invader with a knack for defying physics and the aerodynamic properties of antlered creatures. Turning these three holidays into one uber holiday season is quite a lofty challenge, but in my opinion there’s one group of folks who could pull it off and do an excellent good job of it.

Japanese animators.

The Japanese animation industry has a long track record of starting with a rather obscure, possibly absurd premise and turning it into something marketable, so combining these holidays is right in their wheelhouse. The first step in the process would be to take symbols of each holiday and convert them into amazingly awesome robots (the secular symbols, that is. You can stop sending that angry email now). Halloween would be represented by a robotic, wise cracking Jack-o-Lantern. Thanksgiving will be a wise old turkey (robot of course). Christmas is obviously Mecha Santa, who is the leader of the trio. They’ll also be ninjas. Ninja robot Mecha Santa Claus, why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?

Besides having mastery in the medium of the absurd premise, the Japanese are also pioneers in the process of Voltronification. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, Voltronification is the process of taking already awesome robots and combining them together to form an even bigger, more awesome robot. In dire circumstances, our three heroes will recite an ancient phrase of power in front of a seizure inducing cut screen as they form up: the jack-o-lantern transforming to form the legs, the turkey the torso, and Santa the head and arms. Of course, another key component of Voltronification is that they never figure out that they can avoid falling into dire circumstances by staying in the super awesome robot format.

As for the story, our three heroes (Mecha Claus, Turkobot, and the Jecklelantern) wander the earth armed with their wits, katanas, and ninja skills, righting wrongs and protecting the weak. Joining them on their adventures is an orphaned teenage girl named Kia and her talking dog named Sparky. Kia is a mechanical genius with eyes as big as saucers and a tendency to dress in sailor skirts or school uniforms. Sparky is an adorable little pooch who talks in a humorous gibbering babble that’s certain to be a hit with the younger kids. Their ultimate goal? To find the three Crystal Power Swords of Sagakawa before they fall into the hands of the evil Scurr Corporation. Does any of this makes sense? No, but that doesn’t mean it’s not awesome beyond the limits of human comprehension, which it most definitely is.

Oh yes, this will be huge. I’m talking cartoons, comics, movies, video games, some trading card game only kids understand, and toys. In fact, I’m positive the talking plush Sparky doll will the most wanted item next HalloThanksMas season, so you’d better start your shopping early. Perhaps in July.