Birthday Interview With William Dotani

47 Minutes takes great pride tonight in reporting on the "event of the day", the birthday celebration of a self-proclaimed turkey. (Due to budgetary issues, we could not afford the full 60 minutes.)

{Note to readers: All of the statements William makes in this interview have been taken in their entirety from comments he left here on Gather.)

We are recognizing today the birthday of a man widely known throughout Gather for his witty rejoinders, in-depth poetry analysis, heartfelt poems and hilarious spoofs. Here we have a person whose various writings have entertained millions (well, at least twenties or thirties.) I would not hesitate to call him a true Renaissance Man of Gather.

Host: "Ladies and Gentleman, I present William Dotani, a well-known lover of dandelions in general and especially in wine and stew, an aficionado of chocolate and caramel ants who enjoys riding horses, if their names are Mr. Ed or Paint, and the occasional red haired llama. Bill, Thank you for being here with us today. What would you like to say to everyone?"

Bill: "Who put super glue on the couch? This isn’t funny. I only have one leotard and I’m wearing it now."

Host: "OK, ummm, OK, Is there anything else you would like to bring up on this festive occasion?"

Bill: "I love things green. Green chocolate makes me smile and later gives me reason to sit and read. Another Charmin moment, or is that movement?"

Host: "Right… I understand you write a lot of poetry that you would like to put to song. Would you share a few examples with us?"

Bill: "I'm Anthony the ant I am
Anthony the ant I am I am
There are millions that look like me
We go to Wilma's for our parties

Then, we all say our name's Anthony
Wilma doesn't care and brings us some food
I'm an ant I am, I'm Anthony
Anthony the ant I am I am
Anthony the ant I am (second verse same as the first)"

Host: "Well, that really has a beat to it! Anything else?"

Bill: "There's been times I was confused
By black and brown ants on the highway
Well you know I ate them both
and threw up my way."

Host: "I can see you definitely have an unusual talent there, Bill. Moving on from poetry how do you feel about women’s issues?"

Bill: "Now, being a totally macho man, I can see reasons the little woman should stay home. I give you ten reasons and let's hope these reasons become law in Idaho.
1. To peel the spuds.
2. To walk around barefoot and pregnant.
3. To bring me beer when I'm watching TV.
4. To get maximum use out of that ironing board I bought for her last X-Mas.
5. To change the cell phone batteries in our herd of bulls.
6. To pick up my dirty clothes off of the floor.
7. To never let me know when she's having a bad hair day.
8. To keep our house sparkling clean, so neighbors won't think I'm a slob.
9. To do everything she can to make sure I don't have to move from my Lazy Boy.
10. To always be in the mood."

Host: "Before any ladies start throwing things at their computers, here is a quote that Bill wrote about his wife:"

Bill: "Every wife deserves to be treated like a princess. My wife is numero uno in my house. She comes first and will always come first. Whatever my wife likes becomes my favorite color as long as it's not pink. I live in the moment. I let my wife decide the next move."

Host: "Well, sad to say, we have just about used up our 47 minutes. Does our guest have any further words of wisdom to share?"

Bill: Yes, I think standing under a flying cow would fertilize the mind. I would like a photo where I don’t look like a Star Trek Alien. Am I having a bad hair day?"

Host: "Let’s all join in and wish Bill a Happy Birthday!"