My mother is 86 and lives in Florida. I live in Oklahoma. I can't get her to move here as she has a boyfriend and won't leave him. Well, he left her for another woman, and she whines and cries, but won't leave. For Thanksgiving, her nurse invited her, but at the last minute called and sad her car had a flat. My mother stayed dressed and waited all day for the phone to ring. She went to her ex-boyrfriend's house to show off how pretty she looked but he wasn't home. She spent Thanksgiving alone.
She's going to my brother's for Christmas. He has to fly to Florida to pick her up and fly her back as she can no longer travel alone. She won't leave her home.
None of this is unusual, but it is stressful. She keeps telling me how lonely she is, but won't let us help her. I can do nothing as she has all her facilites and uses them to drive me nuts.
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I do what I can, but there is only so much you can do when ever idea or offer is shot down before it even gets out of your mouth. I feel guilty, but I try to let it go and be present for the family that are here.
I had a friend just like this and finally began telling her every time she started complaining that she must like it because she refuses to do anything to change her situation or just saying I had to go - this kind of constant whining will in time make the hearer depressed themselves.
Eventually my friend got the hint, the whining stopped and within months began seeking her own solutions and turned out to be a pretty happy person after that. I wish you the best with this.
It's hard for our elders to give up their lifestyle/comfort zone, even if means being lonely, I guess.
Happy Holidays!